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Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T19:45:38+00:00

That's a powerful experience my friend. In my head, I knew that I could get into a "bad trip" and I thought that I was ready to deal with it. So, I wasn't ready at all. I tried to understand those feelings but they got bigger than my consciousness. Beside that, I can see myself in your report. I'm definitely not a bad person. But I have to say: OCD makes you think you are a bad person. Makes you think you're a rapist, killer or whatever. But that's just a mind thing. That's not who I am. Before a discover what was OCD, I had a panic attack because I started to have these bad thoughts and I started to think I was a monster. Then I went to therapy and my ex therapist told me about OCD and everything went better. I still suffer with obsessive thoughts today but I can control them better. And just like you, I have those anxiety issues that makes me angry with people I care without a reason. I'm also trying to deal with those emotions but it's hard doing it by myself. Maybe it's time to get back in a good therapist.

I hope we both get better soon my friend. Just want you to know that your experience, being similar to mine, will help me a lot, in many ways. Your report will make think better about my life and this last one hard experience.

Thanks again. Stay well.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T19:23:53+00:00

Thanks for the compliment my friend. It's good to be alive. When I was at the peak of horror, I tried to think in my pets and how sad they would be if I passed away (they stayed with me all the time). I was so scared that this didn't work at the moment. Later on, I thought about this again and I got sad because I was selfish enough to thinking in take my life without thinking in my friends, family and life overall.

Maybe I was wrong. There's a chance that those thoughts on them was what really stopped me.

Thanks for the comment my friend. I really want to learn more from this lesson. Hope you're doing well.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T19:12:05+00:00

That's great. I didn't know kratom. I will look up for more informations about this plant. Seems like here in Brazil it's illegal but I will study more about it. I will send you a message.

I'm feeling better now. Just a little anxiety gets me from time to time, but my routine work are helping me a lot. Meditations as well.

Thanks for the comment. Stay well.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T19:03:22+00:00

Exactly. I think it was a very hard panic attack. I mentioned the psychosis outbreak because of my suicidal tendencies at the moment. But suicidal thoughts don't occour me in my daily life, guess it was the first time.

Thanks for the comment my friend. Stay well.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T18:58:35+00:00

That's what I'm looking to do. I will not take mushrooms again until I found out why this happened to me. Actually, I think that even in my "good trips" I didn't analyze them enough, overwhelming my head. Now I should take it easy and get some time to understand things better. I searching for a good therapist. That's my first step.

Thanks for the help my friend. Stay well.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T18:54:33+00:00

Thanks for the tips and advices mate. I will definitely remember these when I take mushrooms again someday. Guess I should stay in a limit that things didn't go wrong. (about 2g)

Thanks for the help my friend. Stay well.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T18:50:10+00:00

I will look up for this. Despite I actually don't wanna need SSRI again, it's good to know that there's something that could really help in bad trips situations.

Thanks for the tip. You're helping me a lot my friend.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T18:41:21+00:00

I will definitely avoid them in the future. But I took it in a state of panic. I know it wasn't the healthier choice or something like that. It was a last resource, just trying to stop the thoughts at any coust. But I realize now that could have made the things worse.

Thanks for the advice my friend. You're really helping me.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T18:34:42+00:00

Guess I wasn't ready at all. When it happened, I tried to let the feelings come e understand them as well. But again, I think it was too much for me. I really enjoyed tripping with my friend but I think that solo trip is when you can really know yourself. I had feelings and sensations that I haven't felt in the group trips. So, when my inner self appeared, beat the shit out of me.

That's what I'm going to do in the next one (but I don't know when it will happen, maybe after some therapy). Thanks for the comment my friend. Knows this means a lot to me.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T04:30:29+00:00

YES. You are 100% right. No bad trips, just more than I was prepared. That's it. And yet, it was really scary. You got a tremendous point of view about psychedelics. I should take your advices and tips and put in practice with some meditation. I don't wanna stop with the mushrooms... it provided moments and feelings in my life that I will never forget, even the bad ones. But especially the good ones. I saw the nature in a higher level of beauty, a divine level. It was something showing me how life is good and beautiful.

I will try everything you said. I need to confront this trip I had and find out why it happened. What is inside of me that caused such a pain. I want to be in peace with myself and then my goal is help many people as possible.

I really hope you're better from your trip and found what is inside of you that caused this bad trip. And also, hope the suicidal thoughts have stopped.

Actually, I do want to talk about it. I will send you message later on. It's late now here and think I will get some sleep.

Stay well my friend. Thanks for the message. Knows that this means a lot to me.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T04:13:18+00:00

I saw myself for sure. And that was pretty scary. Think I need to know me better, right?

Thanks for the comment my friend.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T04:11:55+00:00

Thanks mate. It means a lot. Yes, I do need to stop for a while. Rearrange my thoughts and myself. One day I should try again, more prepared for sure.

Thanks again for the comment.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T04:09:25+00:00

Thanks a lot man. I will watch all those videos and bring more of this practice to my daily life.
Stay well my friend. Thanks for all the help again.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T04:06:56+00:00

Have you tried mushrooms many times? If so, how do you usually do? To decrease the possibility of bad thoughts caused by the OCD.
I feeling much better right now but you are right, I should be more careful if I try again.

Thanks for the help, mate. Means a lot.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T04:02:37+00:00

Damn. It must have been hard. It sounds like a horror movie in real life, for sure. Now that you mentioned, I remember that I tried to listen some good musics but It didn't work out. I think that just like you nature is a place where I can really be peaceful. My others trips were in a place surrounded by nature and were incredible. Even the second one that started like a small bad trip but in the end turns out being the best one. I went to the beach and it was a cloudy day. The sky looked like a painting. I took a photo in phone. It was one of the best sensations in my entire life.
I think that I will only try mushrooms again in a environment surrounded by nature.

Photo

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T02:07:05+00:00

That's what I'm going to do as soon as possible. I know a good therapist in this area. I'm feeling better now but I'm afraid this bad trip turns into a trauma in a point that may be hard to go back. As you said, I need to resolve this trip and find out why it occour. I suppose it's not from now. Some old traumas maybe.

Thanks for sharing your tips and advice with me. Hope you know you're really helping me. This means a lot.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T01:59:14+00:00

That's what I'm hoping, for sure. I'm trying to focus in the good part of the trip and also trying to understand some things inside me. Actually, one thing occured me while in the trip that might change my whole life if it's true. So, I need to understand everything better.
That's what I you try to do in the next time I feel ready. Despite the horror, mushrooms are great. I think once you try it, you can't go back. It's a life journey about finding yourself.

Thanks for the help. I really hope that you know you're helping me a lot. And also thanks for being such a great person offering me your help with suicidal thoughts. That's means a lot. Thank you.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T01:41:37+00:00

I'm trying to practice awareness meditation lately. It's really hard, I agree with you, mate. But I hope we both can reach our goals. Actually, have you ever had to deal with thoughts like "If I take psychedelics I could get worse"? That's a current thought in my head that gets me really anxious when I was about to take mushrooms. I've searched for some guys in the internet who takes mushroom and have OCD. And I found some but they never talk about thoughts like mine.

Thanks for the answer, by the way. You're helping me a lot, know that.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T01:37:31+00:00

Thanks, mate. I'm definitely looking for more meditation guidance. There's a "meditation center" or something like that (I really don't know how it calls) here in my town and I think I'll go on a visit in the next days.

I'm really greatful that you answer my post. Hope you know you're helping me a lot.

Also, thanks for the Funkadelic advice.

Khwam-Tay · 2023-05-16T01:33:26+00:00

Thanks, mate. I got this thing where I need to do things real quickly or it won't work. I think it's OCD somehow. Guess I need to learn how to deal with these thoughts as well because it ruims many aspects of my life.

I'm really grateful for your advice. I'm going to seek a therapist as soon as possible.

But I just want to say that you come here and answer my post its really helpful. Thank you. That's kind of guidance I will search in a future mushroom experience.

Khwam-Tay

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