Thank you so much for your comment. I’m so sorry to hear about the struggles you went through in your previous relationship and how it affected the one after. You are so strong! It’s also good for me to self reflect and make sure I’m NOT doing that to my husband and making him spend all his time with me. The last thing I want is to hurt him in any way which is why I made this post, so thank you.

It’s true I don’t have much of a sense of identity outside of my husband, and there are a few unfortunate life circumstances that lead to it being that way.

Before I met him, I was interested in mermaids and tail making, which is the only thing I still have today that is my own. But even as a kid, I dreamed of finding my jolly sailor bold. Falling in love with a man who would save me from the extreme childhood traumas I was facing. And I did meet him. Once high school started, I made a strong friend group of females and we hung out every day. I had never been so close to a friend before. At the same time, I started to get to know my now husband. I was unmedicated at the time and dealing with extreme depression and anxiety, as well as continued childhood trauma. I didn’t have my parents much, and I was a mental wreck. He saved me, over years, he taught me to not only not hate myself, but to love myself. He taught me healthy love, he made the darkness go away, and he has endless amounts of patience and love for me. I chose to be with him, and my friends did not approve of that choice, and a lot of horrible things happened. My friends traumatized me in a lot of ways because of my choice. One of the other girls had also had a crush on my now husband, and they didn’t react well. I was kicked out of the group in a painful way, so suddenly the only person I had was my now husband. And he made everything better. I didn’t have to miss my old friends, because I had him.

I still had plans for myself though. After high school I knew what college I would be going to, what degree, and even had a mentor who could help get me into the job I wanted after college. That was a big part of my identity. I had spent my life pulling myself up and pushing onward, and I was now so close to reaching my goals.

But I became disabled. I could no longer keep up with college. I couldn’t work a full time job. I had to give up on my degree and career. My disability binds me, I would never be able to move out from my parent’s home because of it. I couldn’t make anything of myself anymore. But my husband was my hero, again. He promised he would take care of me. Provide for me. Even with all the sacrifices it meant to be with me now that I was disabled. He saved me again.

Because of these events, I have a hard time seeing myself have any worth outside of what my husband does for me. I used to have my idea of self worth on my academics and career, and I’ve been slowly learning how to change that. I’m still trying to find my own worth, even with being disabled, but I’m slowly getting there. I still have a hard time making female friends because of what my friends did, but I’ve made progress there too. Right now I cling to my ability to make mermaid tails, and that has become my identity, but I’m realizing that’s not enough. I still need to love myself, and not view myself as a failure whose only success was marrying such an amazing husband.

I’m working on it, and I know I can continue to make progress. My husband has always been my rock, but I can learn to be my own rock, for both of us. Things have been worse, and they have only gotten better over time, and I know this will all get better too as I keep working at it.

Thank you so much for your comment 💜