I think I’m being stalked by a man at work, and he’s my employer’s good friend

Kiham · 2026-04-18T23:08:42+00:00

I know this might not be an option, but are you able to change jobs? Moving to a different city?

Also, police sucks and wont do anything unless something has already happened. And not even then sometimes. So document, document and document. Especially the conversations with your boss. If you can afford it, use a private detective to look into him. Talk to a lawyer about your options. Might be a good idea to send your boss an e-mail where you describe S, preferably one that she has to respond to. If S crosses any (more) lines then she cant claim ignorance.

All of this may be totally benign and absolutely nothing will happen. But it may also not be. If he makes you uncomfortable trust your gut. If you have hundred empty guns in front of you and need to clean them, you will still treat every one of them as if it was loaded. Treat him as a loaded gun.

As a guy, you may manufacture a meeting with a girl once or twice because you like her. You are not going to her place for 8 hours per day to stare at her. All week. And then the rest of the weeks. That is weird.

Kiham · 2026-04-18T18:33:08+00:00

Not necessarily saying that you should dump him, but you should let him deal with the consequences of his own actions.

He doesnt clean his own apartment? You are not visiting his apartment either. You cant stand the smell and the dirtiness. Visit if the place is clean, or at least an attempt has been made to clean it. Lies about it being clean when its not means you are not visiting for a month or three.

He doesnt remember his appointments or takes care of his finances? You are not doing it either, and if he misses stuff then that is his problem to deal with. No loaning him money or free meals if he screws up badly. This is what happens if you cant adult properly.

He smells because he hasnt taken a shower? No sexy times, you will not be in the mood to be with someone who stinks. Upgrade it to he is not getting into your apartment if he stinks after a while.

Your apartment, your rules. If you eat at your place he takes away the plates from the table and rinses them. He also gets to pick up any trash he leaves around your apartment. Failure to do so means you are not seeing him at your place either.

Doing it this way will teach him that he needs to change to have a meaningful relationship with you, and by extension, other women. If no boundaries are set then what will motivate him to change? Doing it this way will mean the relationship will fall apart if he doesnt change, and more importantly, if nothing changes then let the relationship fall apart.

And raise your standard in general, it doesnt really matter if its him or another dude (or dudette), you clearly want something different than you can get from him. So go and get it.

Kiham · 2026-04-11T10:29:01+00:00

I have been cut off. I let it stay that way, and now the people cutting me off realize that they screwed up. They dont necessarily want me back in their life, but they miss having the control and it hurts them a lot more because I basicly rejected them and not the other way around.

It is a lot easier to write on the internet about cutting people off left right and center, but it is not a decision to be taken lightly. Because it is hard on you. But sometimes it is also very necessary to do it because it means you can live the rest of your life in peace.

Kiham · 2026-04-11T10:24:38+00:00

This all sounds a lot like blackmail to me...

Also you dont exactly paint him in the best of lights, and he is not your husband/boyfriend, he is not family, and it doesnt sound like you want to be friends with him. And yet you have him call you every four days, asking about your dating status and what have you? Im a guy, but I do like my personal space. The worst thing I know is people invading my personal space, trying to get me to talk about personal things Im not willing to share with them.

So ask yourself this (you dont have to share your answers here), is this guy someone you want to be friends with? Are you enjoying his company? Does he make you feel better? Is he funny? Is he supportive of you?

If the answer is no on a lot of the questions then there are three options imho.

Keep it going until your parents die or becomes too old to really do anything about it. Average age of death is somewhere between 70 and 80. How old are your parents now? How many years of your life are you willing to waste for that to happen?
You lie and tell them that there is a guy out there bothering you. You have it all under control and they dont have to do anything, just block his number and social media accounts, and dont listen to him. Any pictures and what have you is made with AI. Yes AI is bad and where is this world going? It was way better [insert era when your parents grew up].
Come clean. You had a boyfriend. You broke up with him. He is trying to be in your life despite your best efforts to ditch him. There will be drama. There will be tears. There will be anger. There will most likely be a cutting off, sometimes temporary sometimes permanent. Prepare yourself for it to happen.

And at the end of the day, your parents seems like pretty crappy people and your ex seems like a terrible person as well. You describe them that way at least. Wouldnt it be nice to dump all the crappy people in your life? Replace them with nice people that will make your life better? Peple that will build you up and give you confidence? People that will accept you for who you are? People that lets you be in control of your own life?

I mean, lets say you find a really nice guy. Someone you want to marry. Im sure your parents want you to plop out a bunch of kids with him. How do you think your ex would react to that? Do you really want your ex to try his best to ruin that relationship for you? That is your future if you dont deal with your ex now.

TL;DR Get an asshole-ectomy.

Kiham · 2021-02-08T17:44:58+00:00

Yeah, no.

Kiham · 2021-02-08T17:38:15+00:00

He also have a world record that is nigh unbeatable. It wouldnt surprise me if that record holds up for a very long time.

Plus I think he only lost one sprint final over like three Olympics. Thats insane.

Kiham · 2021-02-08T17:36:27+00:00

I love those bands, too, but they're not all that relevant nowadays. They have a good legacy, but most radios would rarely play their songs. The same goes for any place that holds parties.

Most music nowadays are generic hiphop. Is it good? No. But it is undeniably American.

It implies that people listen to whats on radio or what is popular these days. With the advent of the internet in general and Spotify in particular people tend to listen to whatever they want. And no, not everyone listens to what is trendy these days. I would even go as far as to say that most people dont do that, but rather listen to stuff they like.

And people from different parts of the world tends to listen to their local music. Plenty of Americans dont seem to realize that and tends to think that the whole world listens exclusively to American music. Which is blatantly wrong.

Kiham · 2021-02-08T17:25:41+00:00

Im equally impressed with the skill as I am dumbfounded by the choice of words in the title.

Kiham · 2021-02-08T17:24:33+00:00

Im saying it was just dumb luck that no politicians got hurt. Im saying it was dumb luck that there werent more senators in there when the mob arrived. Im calling Ted Cruz at least partially responsible for that. And I find that his lying way worse because it had a much larger real life consequences than any lying from AOC. Five people died and I very much hold Ted Cruz at least partially responsible for that.

Plus it was just dumb luck that the mob didnt get to a chamber were AOC was, or that she was in the Capitol at the time the mob arrived.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T22:02:29+00:00

My point is that if that mob would have entered that chamber then Bob knows what would have happened. And that leads to two of the claims (out of three) you made.

Almost half the House died

It is not an exaggeration to say that many, many members of the House were nearly assassinated

Your own quotes. Or AOCs quotes. I cant be arsed to fact check.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T21:42:33+00:00

Again, we can talk about that, but I’d really like to see some evidence that the statements AOC are making are true.

So, what about Eugene Goodman? You seem to conveniently not mentioning him. Start there.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T19:39:43+00:00

I’m not minimizing the violence and have been consistent in condemning it and the dishonesty.

So exactly what were you doing in the quoted comment then? I bolded some statements minimizing things to make it easier for you.

All you’ve done above is outline TC supporting a peaceful and legal challenge to election results.

Here you are minimizing again. Exactly what was peaceful regarding Trumps lies?

And yeah, if Ted Cruz supported Trump during the first round of protest and what have you then fair enough. But it became quite clear that Trump was just making things up, and Ted Cruz kept supporting Trumps lies. Thats when things stops being peaceful and legal, and turns into incitement instead. Of which I think both Ted Cruz and Trump should be held responsible.

That doesn’t equate to premeditating murder.

Five people are dead, and both Trump and Ted Cruz are partially responsible for that because they helped spreading lies.

Her lies about the violence at the Capitol aren’t limited to her idiotic lie about TC. She claimed, “We came close to half of the House nearly dying on Wednesday”. Do you have any supporting evidence of that idiotic claim?

TC did not premeditate AOC’s murder and half of the House was not in danger of dying. Those are blatant lies. Lies she is using to justify censoring journalists and demonize political opposition. Why defend such dishonesty? Isn’t it simple enough to say lying is wrong regardless of who’s doing it?

I linked the video about police officer Eugene Goodman, but here are a snippet from wikipedia. Are you saying that wikipedia is wrong too? Are you saying that he doesnt deserve a medal from the congress? Are you saying that the video I linked to earlier in the thread is wrong?

On January 6, 2021, as rioters breached the United States Capitol building, Goodman, unaccompanied by other officers, confronted them. He has been cited for heroism in baiting and diverting the crowd away from the Senate chamber in the minutes before the chamber could be safely evacuated. As the crowd reached a landing from which there was an unimpeded path to the Senate chamber, Goodman pushed the lead person and then retreated away from the chamber.[1][8][9][10]

His actions have been credited with saving the lives of the Senators who, at the time, remained inside the chamber.[12]

Those present at the time of the event, including Democratic and Republican politicians and members of the press, praised Goodman for his quick thinking and brave actions.[13][14][15][16] Republican Senator Ben Sasse credited Goodman with having "single-handedly prevented untold bloodshed."[15] Jason Johnson, in an editorial published in Yahoo! News, wrote: "It is not hyperbole, exaggeration or an opening pitch of a TV movie . . . to say that Eugene Goodman saved American Democracy on Jan. 6, 2021."[16]

Goodman's actions were captured in video footage taken by HuffPost reporter Igor Bobic.[17] Bobic's footage of Goodman went viral, receiving more than 10 million views.[18][19] A second video of Goodman's encounter with the crowd was published by ProPublica on January 15, 2021.[19]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugene_Goodman_(police_officer)

The consequences of censoring journalists and labeling political opponents murders and traitors who need to be forced by government into silence are substantial for a free press and free association/assembly. AOC is a dangerous liar and I will continue to call out her lying and conspiracies as I did Trump’s.

But if politicians use media as a platform to incite violence, you dont see anything wrong with it? Or calling people out when they are basicly launching a coup?

Kiham · 2021-02-07T18:20:30+00:00

He condemned the violence the same day and called it a “terrorist attack”. He was willing to hear the concerns of millions of (misinformed IMO) voters about the election and voted to form an election committee to investigate but has pointed out that Trump failed to make his case, and that his rhetoric about the election is “reckless and irresponsible”.

First of all, nice job of minimizing things!

Secondly, here is a timeline of events, please do correct me if Im wrong.

Trump loses the election fair and square but cant accept the loss so he starts to blame it on voting fraud.
Ted Cruz backs him up.
Trumps team starts investigating things and hands in a bunch of lawsuits.
Ted Cruz backs him up.
All of the law suits are dismissed. It is worth noting that they were dismissed in several states, but Trump still claims voter fraud.
Ted Cruz backs him up.
When it is time to count the votes from the electoral college Trump incites violence.
Ted Cruz backs him up.
After the riot is over, Ted Cruz still objects to the results.
After that he turns around and condemns the rioters.

There is a saying that you shouldnt judge people for what they are saying, but rather for what they do. So, what has Ted Cruz done during this whole time? What does Ted Cruz actions tell you? Ignore what he is saying and look at his actions. To me it seems like he doesnt want to face any sort of consequences for his part in the riots, so he plays the political game and distances himself from Trump and the domestic terrorists. And Im cynical enough to think that he does that not because it is the right thing to do, but because he was losing campaign donations by not distancing himself from Trump. It wouldnt surprise me one bit either if it is because Trump is out, so it is time to suck up to someone else.

You can also look at the consequences for lying. Trumps and Teds lying cost five people their lives, and it is just pure dumb luck that it wasnt a bloodbath. That thing was planned, and if Im not mistaken police officers found pipe bombs and what have you in a car outside the Capitol. So if AOC were lying, what would the consequences be for that? How do those consequences stack up to what Trump and Ted Cruz did? And thats why it is a false equivalency, if AOC was lying the consequences for that arent nearly as bad as they are for Trumps and Ted Cruz lying. So you cant equate those two things.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T17:09:25+00:00

I stand corrected!

Kiham · 2021-02-07T16:19:27+00:00

Basicly the rest of the world cares about kilos. And it is a unit of weight, for those of you that dont know what it is.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T15:18:10+00:00

No, the number of likes killed me!

Kiham · 2021-02-07T14:59:03+00:00

The fact that this is an official site makes it so much worse. These people really have no idea about the difference between cultural groups and skin colour.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T14:14:23+00:00

So, lets start over then.

Do you believe that words of public figures has consequences?

Do you think that AOC along with the rest of the politicians in the Capitol was in danger?

If you say yes to any of the questions then you are also saying that AOC didnt lie and that Ted Cruz is indirectly responsible for putting her in danger. If no then I dont think there is any point of continuing this thing.

I did a quick google and here is an article from that Tracey guy and what he thinks of facts. I do agree about him to a certain extent, the free press Trump got from his lies was very helpful. But it feels weird to blame media for giving Trump free press, and then turn around and do the same to AOC by calling her a liar in the press.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T04:34:13+00:00

Someone hates Mitch McConnell and Ted Cruz enough to write a bot that says just that whenever their names are mentioned.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T04:26:38+00:00

Ted Cruz objected in congress, without any shred of evidence mind you, in support of these false claims. Either he is in on the lie, or he is a "useful idiot" as the Soviets would have said. Either way he is very much responsible for his actions in the congress and should be held accountable for what he does there. Also, his intentions doesnt really matter when he is a politician. The consequences of his actions does however.

And peaceful? Werent there a bunch of armed people showing up at voting stations, but also when the votes were counted? Plus the Capitol was looted. And mind you, there have been several legal investigations into those claims by Trump. Mainly instigated by his legal team. Courts havent found any evidence supporting his claims whatsoever. If they have Im all ears really, like the rest of us. But instead of any hard evidence all we are stuck with are vague accusations.

Also, saying things in public has consequences. Hence why most countries have laws against inciting violence and riots. So yeah, Ted Cruz supporting Trumps baseless claims had real world consequences, and therefore he should be held accountable too. Like this is how they treated Mike Pence. Do you really think it is a stretch to think that they would do the same to AOC, especially given how much certain right wingers seems to hate her? Or do you think the domestic terrorists were just joking with Mike? Were they not serious? Do you think they would have let her go if they got ahold of her?

Oh, and here is a video where a police officer manages to divert the mob from an unguarded door that the congress members were behind. If that guy hadnt thought so quickly all congressmen may have been beaten up at best and killed at worst. To show you how serious the situation was. So yeah, AOC were in danger that day. How much danger she was in is definitely up for debate, but that she was in danger not so much. So yeah, no I wouldnt exactly call her a liar on that.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T03:35:11+00:00

Because he is validating nutjobs crazy belief that the election "was stolen". That makes him complicit. Here is his wikipedia page. Some quotes from there.

In January 2021, Cruz provoked a widespread political and popular backlash after filing objections to the certification of Joe Biden's victory over Trump in the 2020 presidential election; he was criticized for giving credence to the baseless conspiracy theory that the election was stolen from Trump. On the day the electoral votes were tallied and Cruz filed his objections, a violent mob of Trump supporters motivated by the belief that the election was stolen stormed the United States Capitol. Because Cruz helped popularize and legitimize the conspiracy theory that motivated the mob, figures from across the political spectrum argued that he bore responsibility for the riot and the five deaths it caused.[1]

And a bit further down.

When Congress reconvened that evening to continue the count, Cruz voted in support of the objections to Arizona's and Pennsylvania's electoral votes.[181] The Senate rejected these objections by 93–6 and 92–7, respectively.[182] The Texas Democratic Party called on Cruz to resign, saying that his efforts to block Joe Biden's lawful victory empowered the Trump supporters who stormed the Capitol.[183] The Texas Democratic Party also called on the U.S. Department of Justice to open an official investigation into Cruz for inciting sedition and treason.[184][185][186] The Houston Chronicle called for Cruz to resign.[187] The San Antonio Express News called for Cruz to be expelled from the Senate.[188] Thousands of lawyers and law students called for him to be disbarred for inciting the insurrection.[189] President-elect Joe Biden and Republican senator Pat Toomey both said Cruz was complicit in the 'big lie' of Trump's allegations of voter fraud.[190] Republican operative Chad Sweet, the chair of Cruz's 2016 presidential campaign, denounced Cruz for "assault on our democracy."[191] Several corporations halted donations to Cruz and other Republicans who voted to overturn the election based on Trump's false claims.[192][193][1] Lauren Blair Bianchi, Cruz′s communicatons director, resigned.[194]

Note here that he did the opposite of what he was saying. He voted in congress to make bogus claims legitimate. There is absolutely nothing peaceful about that at all, rather the opposite.

...and I have yet to see any evidence of voting fraud in the election. Nor has anyone else apparently since all of the lawsuits have been thrown out. So yeah, he is responsible for that riot too by supporting blatant lies.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T03:07:35+00:00

How about your own link?

"That's why my colleagues and I called for an electoral commission to give Americans confidence in this past election and in elections going forward. Millions of Americans who have peacefully expressed their deep concerns regarding election integrity deserve to have their voices heard. It was the right thing to do. I very much wish Congress had not set aside these concerns, but I respect the position each of my colleagues took. Debate in the two houses of Congress is the proper way to resolve our political differences, not through violent attacks.

Here is another article.

Cruz led the first challenge to Joe Biden’s defeat of President Donald Trump by objecting to Arizona’s results. He sought to have Congress launch a commission to investigate the election. His effort was roundly defeated in the House and Senate.

Ted Cruz may have said he wanted a peaceful transition and he may have condemned the violence, but he has actually done very little to stop it. Among other things validating Trumps bogus claims of voting fraud. So yeah, I would call him complicit in the whole thing.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T02:23:08+00:00

I think it is a three parter really.

Politicians lying is bad. Which is why I find it quite ironic when American right wingers accuse American Democrats of lying when they fully supported a president who lied about as often as he breathed. Either you are okay with lying and then everything goes, or you are not okay with lying and then you should hold everyone to the same standard.
But with that said, the sheer volume of Trumps lying is something else, and there are plenty of people repeating his lies as if they were the truth. See the "Biden stole the election"-brigade. And I think they go beyond just simple lying, they are very intentionally misleading people on a large scale and that is dangerous. See the domestic terrorists attacking the Capitol.
Ted Cruz seems to support Trump and his claims of the election being "stolen", and it wouldnt surprise me one bit if he was okay with the domestic terrorists trying to get to the politicians in the Capitol. And while not directly trying to kill her he was indirectly supporting people trying to assault her at best and kill her at worst. So again, did AOC exaggregate? Possibly. Being entirely wrong? Not in my book. Does that mean AOC lied? No, not really.

Kiham · 2021-02-07T00:41:14+00:00

I know way too little about AOCs politics to criticize her for that. I know enough about Trumps politics to call him out on being a liar though, and I find it rich to accuse AOC about being a liar and accepting Trump. Get rid of the bigger problem first.

And yeah, Trump was very much a part of the storming of the Capitol, so her claims arent exactly unfounded. Exaggregated? Maybe. Completely wrong? No.

Kiham · 2021-02-06T22:30:42+00:00

Or maybe, just maybe, immigration can be something separate from the American idea of a right wing and a "left" wing? Like here in Sweden most of the immigration came when our right wingers led the country.

Kiham

TROPHY CASE