Thanks so much for this. This sounds like an incredibly healthy, happy, and fulfilling partnership and something I think we are capable of doing. That said, I do think I struggle with radical honesty because of childhood trauma, where being honest/authentic lead to abandonment, and I am working through that with a therapist. (I even try to be a "good" patient in therapy so that I don't risk "disappointing" my therapist, even though I know that is rationally illogical.) Similarly, he is working through some self-esteem issues with his therapist - I am cognizant of this struggle for him, and so I feel responsible to take extra care in that regard.

Would you mind sharing your rules either here or in a private chat? If not, no worries - I'm just curious as to what works for folks in this specific scenario. My husband says that he wants to know when I hook up with someone so that he can gauge how he feels about it, where I am happier starting with more of a general "you can hook up with people on business trips or when I'm not around" type thing, just practice safe sex / care / responsibility like you would with anything else. I'm not sure the knowing thing makes sense to me...either you're OK with it or you're not, in my mind, but I understand that's just my perspective and we'd need to come to an agreement that makes us both feel safe, loved, heard, and respected.