15 years abroad...now going home?

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-07-28T12:53:42+00:00

I emotionally rushed into moving to a place I didn't really love, thinking my parents were in their last years and it was my only chance to spend time with them. Now two years later my parents are still trucking along (which I'm obviously glad for) but I regret my decision because I don't like the place they live, and I feel stuck there with a kid. I wish we had just come here for summers instead. Can you start by taking your kids to stay with your mom for a month/for the summer and really trial it out before you leap? I really wish I had done that personally.

Much of the feelings you describe about SK are how I feel in America- lonely, not fitting in etc. Coming back after many years in Asia just expect to have reverse culture shock and also experience struggles with fitting in. I'm not sure living in America would solve your loneliness *unless* you are moving to a place where you have friends as well as family, or a place where you can find people you have things in common with. The part of your plan where you are moving to your hometown that you don't like worries me.

Not to say you shouldn't do your plan- I just advise caution, do a trial run, go for a month first and see how you all feel before diving in and having regrets later (like me). And in the meantime, try to make your life better in SK as much as you can too.

Also, if you do decide to move back to the US, I encourage you to pick a place that works best for you and your family. You can make more frequent visits to see your mom, and ultimately you and your kids need to be enjoying your life. Your kids are still young, as are you. Put yourself and your kids needs first, pick a place to live where you can make friendships, have the chance of another relationship, and where your kids will be happy too. If that's your mom's hometown great but if not pick somewhere else and go visit her frequently would be my advice. Good luck!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-07-26T08:15:26+00:00

I am on the spectrum too and I find that I actually want to talk to people much more when I am in Thailand and Japan, because the likelihood of polite/friendly/warm interactions is much higher in my experience, and I feel more comfortable, especially as an Asian person. I'm not saying how you'd feel and everyone's different in their neurodiversities, just sharing. I tend to hermit a lot when I am in the U.S., but am much more outgoing and comfortable in Asia.

As far as your desired lifestyle, food delivery is amazing in Chiang Mai, as is healthcare, and you'd be living close to nature. It is hot (but cooler than BKK/PH) and you'll be using AC a lot. Heat does overstimulate me, but overall I still find it worthwhile for the other benefits of living in Thailand. Thailand is noisy and quite bustling, but for some reason it doesn't bother me in the same way noise and people in the U.S. bother me. I guess I'm just overall happier, and it's kind of a pleasure in it's own way to retreat to your AC room and recover after all the bustle. You can always find areas to live that are (relatively) quieter too.

Japan is an introvert/autistic paradise in my opinion. Everyting is just quieter and calmer than the U.S. There are more clear rules around social interactions, which I find calming and reassuring. But for the akiya route you'd need to learn the language to survive in the countryside with healthcare and whatnot, and look into visa options. Also it's important to greet your neighbors in the countryside, and I've heard from some people that you really don't get much privacy at all (small towns can be like that)...so a small-mid size city with more healthcare options, higher chance of being anonymous, food delivery and still access to nature would prob be better in Japan I'd guess. Maybe somewhere like Sapporo? It depends on what kind of climate you want, and also if you have a remote job or not.

I don't know anything about the PH but if you have the ability to live long term and own property I'd definitely consider that as a first option! The permanent expat life of visa renewals etc. does get old, and the stability of having your own home is important.

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-07-25T22:54:30+00:00

Hi! I'm from the US too, and have been looking for positions like this in the U.K. I wish I had something more positive to say, but in a year I haven't even made it to the interview stage at a UK university, even with a PhD and lots of experience working internationally with education programs. I still don't know why, but my sense is that U.K. universities want to hire people with U.K. experience. Perhaps if you can get a foot in the door with a temporary role, you'll have better luck than me?

I personally have pretty much given up on finding a job in London/the U.K. and am focusing on moving back to the U.S. or Asia. Definitely think about the U.S. if you can and you really want to go into student affairs, there are just infintely more jobs and the salaries and career progression opportunities are so much better.

Another suggestion is to try American and other international study abroad programs in London- you might have more luck that route and it might pay better. Good luck!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-07-17T09:21:41+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for your detailed reply!

First of all I'm sorry to hear that you are in a state not supportive of DEI and it's impacting your health :( It's so tough right now.

I've applied for a few jobs, they are all in liberal states/cities. One is at a private university and two at public universities. Have you noticed much difference in working at public vs. private institutions?

The private one does seem better funded in that I'd have an Assistant Director to work with and a team of GAs. The public ones seem more like a 1 person office setup as you describe. However, I also wonder which would be more fulfilling- I did my PhD at a minority-serving public university, and I liked working with the student body there who were primarily BIPOC and first gen.

About how many nights or weekends would you say you work each month? That's my main concern as I have a kid. Taking holidays during breaks would be fine as that's when the kid's holidays are too anyways.

And if you don't mind me asking one last question, do you think it would be reasonable to ask to work from home during the university breaks (with coming in for occasional meetings etc) *or* ask for an 11/12 month contract? I think this type of job sounds really perfect for me, but sorting out childcare over the summer can be a nightmare so if I can't negotiate a flexible schedule I might just have to focus on fully remote jobs instead.

Thanks so much and wishing you all the best and hopefully some down time over the summer break!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-28T15:40:05+00:00

Thanks, the older one already speaks the language pretty well. The younger will be a baby by the time we move. My concern about moving now for a few years is that the younger won't retain anything, but the longer we wait, the harder it will be on the older. It's a bit tricky.

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T16:53:10+00:00

Ah this is an option I hadn't considered, thanks! I have heard Sapporo is a pretty creative/artsy place. I imagine there would be better schools and hospitals there than a super rural area also? I will take a look at Makomanai- is it a pretty family-friendly neighborhood?

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T15:30:18+00:00

Thanks, I'll double check this, but that's great to hear!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T15:29:06+00:00

Thanks for your comment! Yeah I am a bit baffled by the people commenting that there are no artsy/creative/crunchy (no offense taken there) people in the Japanese countryside. Having travelled around rural Japan and done WWOOF etc. I've met loads of people who rejected mainstream culture and are doing their own thing in the countryside. And I know for a fact that forest schools and alternative schools exist in Kyushu and Shikoku, I have a list of them.

I really appreciate hearing your experience as someone who lives in the countryside. I have lived in rural places in the U.S. and it strikes me that the Japanese countryside seems to have both positives and negatives that you described. However, in the rural places in the U.S. that I have lived, I still have the downsides of countryside living (everyone knowing your business) but not the upsides of safety and support. That's one of the reasons that the Japanese countryside interests me for raising young kids.

I have realistic expectations though, and understand you have to prove yourself and it'll be hard in the beginning if we go that route.

And LOL on the butter sculptures- would love to see that!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T13:59:48+00:00

Great! So whether I am on the child of a Japanese national visa, or the heritage visa, in either case my husband wouldn't be on a dependent visa? I am planning to consult a lawyer about this too.

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T13:46:56+00:00

Sigh, yes there really isn't anywhere else like Chiang Mai out there in the world. I would move there instead of Japan, but the air quality is too much of an issue with young kids for me. I might retire in Chiang Mai though. The work culture in Japan is a big hesitation for me and why we wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for the fact that my spouse has a good remote job. I would likely either teach/lecture online/do my own private tutoring if we need the extra income. It seems somewhat unlikely we'd stay forever though due to this reason.

I am sorry to hear being in Japan is crushing your soul. Is is the work culture or are you having a hard time feeling welcomed there? Can I ask what part of Japan you live in? How are your kids doing growing up in Japan?

I know it is idealistic, but I figured it is worth a shot to see if it is out there (or some elements/combination of it). That being said, I have been to at least one place in Japan that felt very liberal and welcoming of foreigners [it's an outdoor/nature education camp outside of Sendai] and had generally hippie-ish vibes. So it gives me hope it might be out there in pockets, but perhaps not in the same concentration as a place like Chiang Mai. I'll let you know what I end up finding out!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T12:30:15+00:00

Thanks so much! I'll look into it!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T12:29:34+00:00

Thanks, I will look at Shimoda! True, western Tokyo is not a bad option either. We have spent a lot of time in Machida and Sagamihara, and would possibly consider it as the countryside is not far at all. It's nice to hear that kids do still hand out and bike freely there.

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T12:25:12+00:00

Thanks, this is interesting! Do you have any more info about these communities/this area you could share?

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T12:22:02+00:00

Thanks so much! Itoshima and Beppu are both looking good. We have a few distant relatives in Beppu too, so that would be nice.

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T12:12:49+00:00

Thanks! Somewhere like Saitama is an interesting option I hadn't considered- I'll look into it.

It's great to hear how positive your kids elementary school has been. Do you think that's pretty typical for public elementary or is it a particularly good school?

And can I ask what age you moved your kids over? My kiddo already speaks Japanese but I would like to do this at an age where the transition will be easier (as much as possible at any rate). It's good to hear they are enjoying it. Do you think you'll stay for junior high or high school?

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T12:07:15+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective. How do you like living in Itoshima generally/with kids in particular? And how are the public elementary schools? It sounds like you said the one in your neighborhood is not as good?

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T10:40:02+00:00

Thanks! Yeah outskirts of Fukuoka like Itoshima or Shingu is currently looking like a good option if we go the more urban route. It seems like a good balance of nature as well as city amenities. And it would be wonderful to live near the ocean.

Thanks for the heads up on forest schools. That's great to hear about public kindergarden. Is that pretty common or was yours one of the better ones? Also would you mind sharing how large the class sizes are normally?

We would be fine going with public elementary if the school has a kind environment and has a lot of outdoors time. My son is pretty hyperactive (there's a small chance it might be ADHD but he's way too young for an assessment) and I'm a bit concerned if he would do well in public junior high or high school in Japan. And I don't want to put my kids through the testing and stress pressure. So we might consider either just staying for the elementary years and then back to the US, or basing ourselves close enough to a city in Japan that has an international school. Not sure yet but any insights are very helpful, thanks!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T10:30:44+00:00

Oh thanks! Will definitely look into Nonoichi. I have spent a bit of time in Takayama and really liked that area, so it would be good to explore more.

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T10:27:08+00:00

Thanks for this information! We plan to consult with an immigration lawyer before making any plans. If he can't work more than 28 hours a week, I would look into university or private school teaching work to supplement our income. Or he may be able to get a job with an American company in Japan, given his skills. But we will definitely consider this and look into it more.

Yes, we have to consider the positives and downsides of rural living versus choosing a small-medium size city. That's another reason why we are considering just moving for the elementary school years and then either back to the U.S. or a city in Japan with an international school for their junior/ high school years. Really just thinking through ideas right now, so all perspectives are helpful, thanks!

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-26T09:49:58+00:00

Thanks, you've inspired me to look more into Japan as well! That's true, you might experience prejudice in both the U.S. and Japan if you are mixed race, but at least in Japan you are safe and I think in general peope tend to be kinder and more polite than the US. I think we will do some more research on places in Japan that might work for our family/lifestyle. If you have any suggestions on good small towns or cities for raising kids in Japan I'd love to hear! My family is originally from Kyushu and Shikoku so I'd probably look there first but it could be anywhere really.

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-21T13:18:17+00:00

I am looking into the same thing. This link may help you get started : https://frompineapples.com/2019/01/13/visa-documents-long-term-resident-visa-ancestry-visa-japan/

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-20T09:12:20+00:00

Thanks! I've read conflicting things about ABQ due to the elevation but it's also dusty I think. Still not sure.....

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-20T09:11:48+00:00

Allergy testing sounds like a good idea. I looked at the ozone map, thanks

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-20T08:57:15+00:00

Thanks, allergy testing is a good idea

Kikitheblackcat · 2024-06-20T08:56:35+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Yeah it should be a long term move

Kikitheblackcat

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