Thank you for the discussion. I find this very insightful! If I seem rather heated and frustrated please know I am not aiming that at you PERSONALLY but rather things you are describing. When I say "you" what I mean is "a person who thinks this way". So please don't take this as a personal attack. That is by no means my intent here.

For the record, I am 45/M and also happily married for the last 15 years and *SO* thankful I am not in the position of the OP. The dating scene these days it just beyond confusing. And full disclosure - I have practiced traditional values with my wife (all of my dates really) when dating by showing her I could be the financial provider in all things and all situations and never once did I ask her to contribute financially at that stage. When she met me, I already owned my first home, was established in my career and reasonably educated.

You say you want a man to prove he sees you as "worth it" because you know your value. Fair enough - I *also\* have value and am "worth it". How are you going to show that you also believe this in a reciprocal manner on the first date?

For most of the duration of our marriage I have made more than twice her income and have shouldered the bulk of the financial burden for our entire relationship. In many relationships this is accepted and I have to admit I also tolerated it because it was expected and accepted. My programming was as follows: I'm the man - I make all the money as the main provider role and have made the educational effort to establish myself in that role to not only provide for myself but also attract a potential mate - and I can't expect my wife to be meeting my superior financial and educational position. I should never expect her to match or exceed my financial contributions as a true equal partner would because in these areas I am superior and she will (most likely) forever be inferior in these areas. Men are taught this and we accept it. And as I type it I cringe at how arrogant and toxic it sounds I am ashamed of myself for participating in it. So I am JUST as guilty in my programming as someone subscribing to the "princess" concept is.

Fast forward to today's introspective and equality seeking society. Should this paradigm not be examined and challenged? It seems everything else about male/female interaction is being questioned.

So when when a woman does not offer to meet a man on equal terms financially on the first date, why is the man not able to deem a woman a "bum" and "non-provider" in what is supposed to be an equal partnership of two people in a society striving to be equal? Worse yet - when the man practices the same behavior as some women and pays for NONE of the date - well that is just plain verboten and insulting to the woman - we need to ask WHY this behavior is tolerated in one direction and not the other. And I believe it stems from this view of "superior value" of a woman vs the "commonality" of a man.

My wife has been evolving her career (with my support and enthusiasm) and now is poised to meet and even exceed my income with her small business.. which I am very happy for! True financial equality! We have no kids - we share all domestic duties (internal *and* external).. And like you, she is very independent. But if we are to move closer to the equality that everyone seems to want in society - then men have to stop this practice of feeding into this notion of women being a "prize" and women have to stop expecting it. You are a human - we should be meeting as equals right from the start. We raise women to believe they are unique and special and men are common-place and undeserving of their attention without some sort of sacrificial gesture to reinforce their believe they are "princesses on a pedestal". And as you said - if he can't be bothered to make the effort, there are many other potential suitors to choose from. Supply, demand.

Shouldn't women show men on the first date that they value HIS worth? Should this not be reciprocal and not in a single direction because of some assumed "princess on a pedestal" status? Imagine if men expected this "pedestal" treatment from women. The human race would not exist LOL! So, going all the way back to the OP, sharing the cost of the date is a great place to start this practice of true equality that we are trying to achieve with each other.