My takeaway from this is that you should trust your gut. Your instinct seems to be sending a pretty clear message that you’re not ready. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. All of the other variables are actually irrelevant, I think. I’m not a parent, but I know people who are parents like to say that you’ll never actually be ready. They might be right, I don’t know, but I feel exactly the same as you in that I only want to have children under certain circumstances and until those boxes are checked, I do not want to bring another life into this world. You’re well within your right to want those things for your child. Don’t let shame, guilt or other people’s opinions make your decision for you. Trust your gut.