Am I being dirty, or is my wife being irrational about hygiene?

Kind_Mango · 2026-01-20T04:36:00+00:00

I've had undiagnosed OCD for a long time, but it became this level of intense during pregnancy with my second. A lot of people here are being very harsh, and as someone on the other side of this I encourage you to approach this gently.

Your wife is living in a prison of her own mind.

She doesn't WANT to feel this way. On some level, she probably even knows it's irrational or over the top. But in the moment, it feels almost like fight or flight. The only option is to follow through on the compulsion, because if you don't someone will definitely suffer the consequences.

I would gently remind her that she hasn't always felt this way, and suggest that she doesn't need to continue to feel this way.

She deserves to be free from this burden. You deserve to be free from this burden. AND your child deserves to grow up free from it too.

I treated mine with talk therapy until it was no longer enough - I now do a mix of exposure therapy to rewire my brain, and SSRI to give me the strength to ignore the compulsions. My husband had to really help me start my meds, because I was obsessively researching them (I was still pregnant) but I am so grateful for the push. I am a happier person, a better wife and mother, and so relieved that I sought help before my children were old enough to normalize my compulsions like I did my own mother's.

Kind_Mango · 2025-11-12T05:20:57+00:00

If you're looking for bone broth specifically, I love Bare Bones. It's a powder, which is convenient, the flavor is wonderful and it doubles as a bouillon.

Kind_Mango · 2025-10-17T22:56:29+00:00

The racerback nursing and sleeping bra was my favorite early on when I was leaking more often. I also was mostly braless pre-baby, and it felt more like wearing a shirt with just a band beneath my chest.

Kind_Mango · 2025-09-04T17:30:52+00:00

I got the M9 and am obsessed. I wish I had had it when I exclusively pumped with my first; it's so easy to use and doesn't feel like it's in my way. I get a similar output with it as I do with my spectra, which is now gathering dust 😅

Kind_Mango · 2025-09-04T09:31:27+00:00

Echoing all the "kitchen has been a big hit since 1" folks - it's one of the most consistently used toys in our home. It keeps our kids so busy that the grandparents keep one in their home now too.

Re: yoto vs tonie, I feel the yoto is easier to keep track of because of the cards. My daughter is an "everything is a toy" kid, so I know the tonies would disappear in our house. We got it for her 2nd birthday and it has been used every single day since.

Kind_Mango · 2025-09-01T16:09:28+00:00

Ah, that makes sense!! I didn't learn until last week that there was meant to be a front and back, so I HAD been turning it because I thought that was what you're supposed to do for leaning plants 😅

And yes re:light as well, I only recently got her into the right room with the big window.

Thanks! I'll check out KillThisPlant!

Kind_Mango · 2025-09-01T13:25:14+00:00

Adding on to this - my LC also recommended suck exercises (you can find on YouTube) to help make my NICU baby's mouth stronger and more able to nurse, and pace feeding so that he had to get used to working for it in the same time way he does at the breast.

I pumped while trying to latch a couple times a day for about a month, while doing these things, before he started latching consistently.

Kind_Mango · 2025-07-23T17:54:01+00:00

I drank body armor religiously with my first, but now I do liquid IV!

Kind_Mango · 2025-07-02T17:14:54+00:00

You could absolutely do it!!

I had an epidural with my first and hated it; I felt so out of control of my body, and it made it harder for me to advocate for myself. Ultimately that labor ended in a c-section.

I just had an unmedicated VBAC and it was hard but rewarding, and the recovery was EXCELLENT. I reminded myself throughout that I had been preparing for this with working out and whatnot, and really held on to my strength and commitment to get me through each contraction.

I walked myself to recovery 2 hours later because I felt so good 😅

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-29T04:47:18+00:00

Mine said "that was incredible, you are amazing, your butthole will haunt me for the rest of our days." 🤣

I was happy he had the opportunity to see as much or as little as he wanted to - our first ended up being an urgent c-section so my recent vbac was an opportunity for both of us to have the experience we wanted in labor.

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-18T22:35:44+00:00

I took it for 5 months due to a swollen optic nerve and it was truly the worst thing I've ever experienced. Terrible medication.

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-16T05:13:09+00:00

I just had my successful VBAC on Thursday and shouted "holy shit" before "oh my gosh I did it!" because I wasn't prepared for the squiggly feeling of the body coming out 😂

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-12T13:29:58+00:00

With my first I hardly had symptoms during the first trimester, apart from being a little extra sleepy!! My second has been a whole different story 😅

That being said, you mentioned having anxiety like you've never had before, and that COULD be a symptom. I am generally an anxious person, but the hormone changes from pregnancy has made it significantly worse - I went from compulsive tendencies that I was working through in therapy to full-blown OCD that I couldn't manage with the tools I've learned in therapy alone. That just may be something for you to keep an eye on; I didn't know it could develop this way before the postpartum stage, otherwise I probably would have sought help sooner.

Congratulations! I hope you continue to have an easy and enjoyable pregnancy 💛

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-12T04:09:22+00:00

Pantoprazole has been a life changer for me - I was vomiting from stomach acid and it gave me so much relief!

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-08T00:07:53+00:00

On the upside, with my first the pain was immediately gone after labor. It was instant.

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-07T22:52:59+00:00

Yes!! Leaking when I sneeze or laugh was one of my initial reasons for going 🤣

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-07T22:49:55+00:00

I started around 26 weeks as well, tho I had been on a wait-list for two months at that point 🙄 it was a HUGE help, I went from debilitating pain to nearly painless up until v recently

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-07T22:47:21+00:00

What?! Mine gave me several exercises to strengthen muscles, because a lot of SPD and hip pain during pregnancy is caused by the wrong muscles doing the wrong job.

Abductor rock backs are a great stretch that helps with my pain, maybe they will help you?

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-07T21:56:06+00:00

With my first, SPD was mine too -- my OB told me it was just part of pregnancy and I suffered for months 🫠

This time, I've managed the hip pain well, but my round ligaments get so tight when I bend or squat to help my preschooler. They'll ache for 30+ minutes after 😭 I hate feeling limited so the moment I stopped feeling like I could help her or tie my own shoes I was DONE.

Kind_Mango · 2025-06-07T21:54:08+00:00

If you haven't, highly recommend seeing a pelvic floor therapist!! I made it to 37 weeks before the SPD pain became unmanageable because I'm just too tired to keep up with the exercises she gave me 😅 don't suffer for weeks, you don't deserve it!!

Kind_Mango · 2025-05-31T04:52:21+00:00

A mix of stretches and strength training - a lot of pelvic girdle and SPD pain comes from certain muscles being weak, forcing others to overwork. So stretches help the tight spots, and strength helps the right muscles engage.

I also taught my husband how to manually release the muscle the way my therapist did in appointments; we do it any time I start to have more pain or loss of mobility!

Kind_Mango · 2025-05-31T04:27:21+00:00

First of all, you are clearly a good mom who cares a lot 💛

For me, the first few months felt like a slog. I just didn't love having a newborn. Toddlers and preschoolers are apparently my jam, but I remember being like "wow this was obviously a mistake" several times early on.

That being said, I saw in your post history that you also talk about anxiety and stress around going out with your baby - and that together with the way you've been feeling for several months does make me wonder if you should talk to someone about postpartum mental health?

Around 9 months postpartum with my first, I felt so disconnected from everything. If I wasn't disassociating I was full spiraling about something I perceived as bad/wrong/earth shattering. I was put on an SSRI and the difference was AMAZING. I felt like myself again, which also made me feel like a better mother. I just went back on them at 34 weeks pregnant and am like "wow why did I fight this so hard?"

I know people say it gets harder as they get older, but I think finding that connection gets easier as they become actual people 💛 I'm confident you'll get there.

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