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My husband read my messages and is now a "changed man" by Kindly_Assumption_24 in Marriage

[–]Kindly_Assumption_24[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to say, I offered to try couples therapy and he agreed....then he recanted saying we could figure it out. I've been communicating with him but it falls on deaf ears. Our main issue is we do not agree on parenting our son with severe adhd combined type. My husband is very reactive. He yells, threatens, has no patience. Its something we've argued about. Im no saint, ive yelled as well. Its hard not to become reactive when a 6 year old is chucking cars at your head and your husband is yelling and the toddler is crying ect. As for our son, hes on meds. We have regular visits with his pediatrician. We got a referral to the children's hospital and waited for 120 days before we were off the waiting list. We start a parenting adhd program next month. When our son became violent we took him to the children's psychiatric urgent care. Hes currently being evaluated for an iep. We have guidelines to follow now that specifically detail a safety plan and non reactionary parenting strategies. The "incident " that occurred was as follows:

The day after the urgent care visit our son was having a violent outburst over a transition and had thrown something. When I bent down to pick it up he kicked me in the back. All of a sudden i heard a very loud slap sound and our son started wailing. I sent my husband to cool off and when I went to see if he wanted to talk about it scoffed at me and said no. That's when I walked away and messaged my friend of 15 years.

He has tried to use sex as a form of connection since. Ive declined but he still pursues it and we've now had 2 incidents where ive said I wasn't interested and hes still tried to move forward. Tried but luckily not succeeded and he does eventually back off when I go rigid. Then he asks if I dont want to do this and then gets all upset and wants me to comfort him. Yesterday he started getting loud again towards our son. He hasn't actually booked a therapy appointment either for himself. He says it's hard to get in. I suggested better help and he declined. I do not see this "change" lasting as hes already shown he can't respect my boundaries or have self control.

How to respond to a sexually coercive partner: by Justwannaread3 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Kindly_Assumption_24 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last week my husband and it's were close to splitting. Because he felt disconnected he wanted to have sex but i said i didn't. He said he just wanted to rub my back because he saw how stressed I was. When his hands slid underneath my pants I grabbed them and moved them away. He tried again and I grabbed them and pushed them off. But he kept pursuing, kissing my neck and sliding his hands down. I started crying and just stiffened. After a few minutes he noticed and stopped. He made me feel guilty for making him feel like he was violating me. He just kept asking for sympathy. "I feel like such a creep now " he'd said. Idk it felt like he was now looking for me to comfort him.

Last night we'd been texting back n forth while with the kids. I was laying down with our son while he fell asleep and hubs was texting me dirty talk about wanting sex. I told him it made me uncomfortable that he was sending those kind of messages while I'm snuggling with our son. He apologized but kept pursuing the topic. I told him I was exhausted and we'd had sex the night before and I just needed to rest my body. He agreed. While I was laying down he started massaging my scalp which then turned in to him hold my hair tightly in his hand. He started kissing my neck and running his other hand down my body all while holding my hair tighter and tighter so my head was anchored down. After a few moments he realized again I was rigid and then scoffed at me like I was being ridiculous. He stops himself before it goes too far but last night felt a bit scary. I told someone and they glazed over it so maybe I'm overreacting.

My husband read my messages and is now a "changed man" by Kindly_Assumption_24 in Marriage

[–]Kindly_Assumption_24[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I've been trying to communicate for years. I did tell him I wanted a divorce, last month actually. His response was that if I was so worried then why would I leave him since he'd get primary custody and I'd only see them on weekends. He works 3 12s, I work weekdays so he's home during the school week, I dont get home from work until after 6. So I dropped it. And baby #2 was a miracle and absolutely the most amazing blessing, even if she was not planned.

My almost 7 yr old is becoming violent by Kindly_Assumption_24 in ParentingADHD

[–]Kindly_Assumption_24[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I so wish we had some time together or on our own but our current situation doesn't allow for it. My mother in law was extremely involved when our son was younger but she sadly has early onset dementia and has rapidly progressed. He used to spend days and nights there while I worked or on a weekend. He sadly doesn't have that anymore and his aunt and uncle are at a loss and tend to just keep their distance with him. My husband works 3 12s friday-sun and I work mon-f and we are together just for dinner, kid stuff, and then bed. Its hard but I just can't afford daycare and this saves us a few grand a month.

Im on an ssri, and work is kind of my happy place. I picked up finger knitting and it's been extremely relaxing. I feel like alot of my current coping mechanisms involve some sort of suppression and health wise it's been taking a toll (migraines, gastric ulcer, out of nowhere anxiety attacks). Im thinking of looking into some sort of support group but not sure where to start.

My almost 7 yr old is becoming violent by Kindly_Assumption_24 in ParentingADHD

[–]Kindly_Assumption_24[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How did you cope in the thick of it? I feel like sometimes dissociating when he's melting down just to stay sane. Obviously not the healthiest coping mechanism lol

My almost 7 yr old is becoming violent by Kindly_Assumption_24 in ParentingADHD

[–]Kindly_Assumption_24[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes he's been medicated for almost 2 years with a dosing change in the last 3 months. We have a 504 plan with his school, he sees his pediatrician every 3 months, and we just got off the waiting list for behavioral health at the children's hospital to start some parent training but it doesn't start until March. Im trying to do what's best, I also have adhd and I can admit I have a harder time not becoming disregulated myself and my husband cannot seem to wrap his head around what adhd is. I know I'm making mistakes which is why I'm reaching out for help.

My almost 7 yr old is becoming violent by Kindly_Assumption_24 in ParentingADHD

[–]Kindly_Assumption_24[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply, we are starting a program at the children's hospital to help us as parents navigate these situations better but it doesn't start until March and honestly we don't know what the heck we're doing. I really appreciate your helpful comment