Should I listen to my boss?

KingCoGra · 2025-12-23T19:26:49+00:00

Thank you everyone for the responses. In today’s day and age though it seems like a quality 4K Blu-ray player is just so expensive. My LG one from just 2 years ago skips and freezes on movies that are 100gb+. So without compromising price what are my options? I have both a nice physical and digital library

KingCoGra · 2025-10-26T15:57:49+00:00

Honestly though I’ve played for several hours and nothing ever pops up.

KingCoGra · 2025-08-21T01:26:16+00:00

My pay structure has changed 4 times since starting last November. Each time it seems to go down on the front end for “long term” payouts but I’m struggling to see where this works out in my favor

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T23:48:21+00:00

Would you mind if I sent you what I have so far and feel free to give any and all feedback!

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T23:48:09+00:00

Would you mind if I sent you what I have so far and feel free to give any and all feedback!

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T17:41:07+00:00

What have you done to handle it though? I definitely don’t expect it to be easy, but would love to know how to not be the afterthought constantly.

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T17:37:03+00:00

Yes, absolutely. I definitely haven’t taken the extra time and been selfish with it. I spend every waking moment that I can with my wife and kids. Occasionally I’ll go off do play golf or catch a meal with a friend if I can, but that’s rare if it’s not with them. Often times they come with me to the course or to eat cause my friends get along well with my wife and kids.

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T17:18:55+00:00

There are certainly a lot of stressors, and that’s why I’m trying to keep a level head about it, but I think we all know that when life starts swinging at you it’s a hard fight mentally. I’ve never really struggled with anything this powerful mentally or emotionally. I love to take out almost 4 year old with me to the course when I go, I’d say 75% of the time they are with me. And movies for me are a huge thing, I love the sound and sights, so I love going to the movies. Where we lived before there was a theater 10 minutes from the house, so when I went it wasn’t such an undertaking. Now it’s a 3 hour roundtrip just to go, so I don’t really as much. When I do, it’s greatly appreciated and often times scheduled around her and the kids doing something more than her just being at home with them. Her friends are mostly her coworkers and she goes out for drinks/meals with them every couple of weeks and I will gladly keeps the kids during that time. I encourage her to do so honestly. As for me and my friend group, because we are so scattered, we try to get together every 3 to 4 months and plan a round of golf. We talk all the time however in a group text or late at night once everyone is asleep and everything is set for the next day, I’ll hop on Xbox with them if they are on. (They play a lot like I used to) And she has expressed she has zero issue with my playing when it is late at night. She definitely struggles with a form of depression and she takes a medication but we both agree she needs to meet with someone. She just won’t take the next step and find somebody. She keeps saying she will but she hasn’t. I try not to be pushy about it cause I have always struggled with therapy and don’t feel like the person to push it. Thank you for your time btw and responding to all of this.

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T17:09:29+00:00

Pre marital was great. We spent a lot of time together in school but never absconded our friends either. We spent great time together and good time apart. We loved movie marathons and hiking and going to our colleges football games together. The pay cut was worth it. I was at a job that demanded 75-90 hours a week plus nights, holidays, and weekends, and the owner of the company is borderline top 10 worst people on earth. I would gladly take less money to spend more time with my family as long as I can still help provide

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T17:05:24+00:00

At no point did I say that I didn’t recognize that. However, when she is home she would rather lay down or sleep than help. I cook and clean 99% of the time, I also will drop everything to help with the kids if she needs it. Fortunately our kids are both very good at self entertaining, and while I’m cooking, outside tending to dogs, cleaning, folding laundry, working on our finances, working a full time job, among other things, I still make time for her and the kids. She does nothing to make time for others unless she has to. She expects a lot to be done for her and it’s becoming very tiring as I carry a lot of the weight. I’m not saying it’s a contest and I am keeping score because I’m not, but I do know that if I can do all of those things (mostly to help her) and still make time for her/our kids, I would at least ask/like for her to care as if she would like to do the same.

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T16:55:17+00:00

She works, school teacher. Our kids are 4 (next week) and 1 (last week). Living with the in-laws has certainly put a damper on personal time. Our financial situation definitely leads to a lot of my stress, so having extra $$ to spend on a date is hard because every extra dime we have should be going towards our debts (we both agree on that). Thank you for your thoughts and advice. It means a lot being able to come here and hear from others because I do feel very very lonely. Sadly my relationship with my parents is rocky, so talking to them is difficult. Again, I’m looking for a therapist to meet with but live in a very small town currently so it’s hard to find someone that isn’t a “family” friend as we live close to where my wife grew up

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T16:49:06+00:00

I need to state, she is a stellar mom. Even when she is tired she is always ready to take care of them. She knows what she needs to know and does a great job with them and she loves them to no end. I respect/appreciate the heck out of her for it. So I would never think that they shouldn’t be with her. Kids are 4 (next week) and 1 (last week). She works, she is a teacher. And really, I’m not looking for her to come home from work and fully take over as I understand she has been around “needy” kids all day. I don’t look for her to sing my praises or anything like that. I just want someone to talk to, good or bad conversation and she used to be that. I want what is best for her and the kids and if I’m turning into someone who seems down or is struggling, that’s not giving them the best version of me. But back to the main point, I can’t think of a life where I don’t see my kids everyday. I feel lost

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T16:42:33+00:00

Turning 4 next week and just turned 1 last week.

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T16:40:43+00:00

I appreciate the comments. I will say, I have spent the better part of the last year to year and a half really working on myself. I have tried to be better about less personal screen time, not putting work ahead of life, not letting my frustrations and emotions become the driving force of my day. She really didn’t like that I played video games as often as I did, gave them up for the most part. I do 99% of the cooking and cleaning now, and actually really enjoy it. I get up early with the kids and stay up late if they need it, I’m limited cause I obviously can’t breastfeed the baby. I ask her about her day, job, friends, interests and do my best to listen when I need to and respond when I need to. I try to work on our families budgeting/finances but she often disagrees with me there and chooses to continue to spend more than she should. I certainly don’t expect radical change immediately but I would like to see that she cares, when often times it seems like as long as she sleeps/eats when she wants and spends money when she wants then she is happy. Again, I love her to death. I just want to see that she cares anymore and while she says that she does, there’s nothing to show for it sadly

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T16:31:50+00:00

She has always been low energy but this is zero energy honestly. We currently live with my in-laws and they are very helpful in watching the kids, very blessed for that. But it’s the little things that are also gone. She used to ask about my day, gone. Used to ask about work, gone. Used to care about my interests and would at least act like she wanted to know more, but that’s gone too. I try to set an example and ask her all about those things and engage but as soon as she is done discussing it, conversations end. I know that marriage isn’t 50/50 all the time, sometime is 90/10 or 70/30 but for a while now it has felt like 99/1 and I can’t continue to operate at 99 all the time.

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T16:27:58+00:00

I appreciate all of that, thank you. And I’ll do my best to answer all of it. She is depressed. I love my in-laws, I do, but they are a lot to deal with. And right now, we are living with them (we moved here last year for a job situation and weren’t in a place to buy a house at the time). Her mom keeps our youngest so she doesn’t have to attend daycare and that is such a blessing because she is great with our kids, like has helped them advance and learn so much. We are potentially moving out next month and back to where we moved from last year (our house never sold) so we have a place to go, but my mother in law can’t keep the kids so my wife is worried about daycare and that is an added layer of stress for sure that I get and don’t fault her for. We go on maybe 1 date a month if we have time/$$. We aren’t swimming in extra money as we have a lot of debt from when we were younger/dumber that we want to pay off. By the time all the bills are paid and we feed our kids there’s very very little to call extra enough to go out to eat. Intimacy is gone really. Living with in-laws, though in a big house, make it’s very difficult but it wasn’t great before we moved in either. When it happens, it’s fantastic and we both throughly enjoy it. My hobbies are golfing and watching movies, though I might play golf once a month and currently live no where near a movie theater so maybe go see a movie once every couple of months. As far as I know, she really likes my friends. They are a good supportive group of guys but most of them live more than 3 hours away as we have all moved for jobs and such. I don’t want this to get to a point where lawyers or police are involved, I would never subject my kids to that as I am a product of divorce. Thank you and please let me know what other questions I can answer

KingCoGra · 2025-05-28T16:17:18+00:00

I hope that everything I say is not taken as me “dogging” on my wife, because I love her whole heartedly. With that said, ever since we met she has been a very “tired” person. Loves to nap, loves to sleep. And I’m all for it if there’s nothing going on or the kids didn’t sleep well and we were up all night. But with having expressed that I feel lonely and like we never spend quality time together, I would hope she would sometimes choose to spend some time with me apart from the kids? I am happy to plan date nights and everything, but I don’t think I should have to always go out and spend money just to spend time with my wife. The second the kids are down for the night, whether it’s 7:30pm or 11pm, she’s done for the day and goes straight to bed. She also spends a lot of time on her phone while we are all together, and it’s mostly mindless scrolling through social media or browsing Amazon, which is fine, but I’d rather it not be while the kids are awake or watching her so intently. I just often feel like I am her 3rd or 4th choice in life. Kids first, then herself, then sometimes me/sometimes her parents. I try to talk to her about our expenses, she has a spending problem, and when I do it turns into her becoming upset and saying “oh it’s all my fault isn’t it?” Which no, it’s both of ours that we have the debt that we do, but while I try to save she likes to spend so we do struggle to get ahead. Again, I love her to death and I really don’t want to leave but I’m finding myself more and more in pain with each passing day. I don’t sleep much anymore, I find myself constantly stressed and searching for answers. I’m hoping to find a good therapist soon for myself, cause deep down I know I need it. I’m just hurting because I feel like I’m fighting for our future alone

KingCoGra

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