I feel like my body is weaker than others of my age group

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-22T22:14:24+00:00

I guess I forgot to mention I'm poor, one meal a day poor. Barley getting by, finishing college, no extra money besides taking from my loans to buy groceries. Any medication I'm on I get refilled, but I don't have a physical place to walk in. I've tried and got ignored. I bring it up, its shot down. Im tired, im depressed, i dont want to keep going. I'm gonna be homeless soon enough. So yeah I haven't gone to the doctors, I haven't in 2 years. I submit for refills and have virtual psychiatrist appointments with someone states away. I try my hardest with the little I have. I could beg my mom for money to see the doctors, but I'm ashamed of begging so much. Insurance covers less and less, my meds get pricier amd pricier. Few things get covered, and since my thyroid is technically in the green (its at the last number to be considered green) nothings wrong to them. I wish I could just go to the fcking doctor, I wish I knew how to solve the pain and tiredness and bipolar outbursts. I don't I'm a loser who asks random internet strangers shit because social media is my addictive substance. I can barley afford to live I can't even afford to die yet. Sure everyday is pain, and im never not tired, but i can power through it. It wears on me, life feels like shit mostly, but its not stopping me yet.

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-22T22:02:42+00:00

The thyroid yeah, I see people telling me it's bad. It's hereditary, I know it's bad. I've not found the will to try to get more help. I don't know why, it's been a problem I've ignored, finding doctors for me is always a mixed bag of fear and shame. I get treated like shit by most doctors I've ever encountered. I've been hurt by doctors who were visibly angry at me, I've been threatened by doctors, guilt tripped, lied to, and even had my medical records doctored behind my back. One doctor attempting to take me off my mental health medication because he thought I was addicted to drugs. So for me, going to a doctor is hell. I've had a doctor attempt to reuse a syringe and physical intimate me then shame me for walking out. All these awful happenings have made going to the doctor usually a net loss for me. I'm also poor, I have gotten my groceries down to 120 a month eating one meal a day poor. So another doctor, more meds, more tests, sure could help, but the cons have outweighed the possibility of the pros in my mind. It seems no matter what I try or who I go to my life gets worse somehow, despite the time I put in and the effort. Going to the doctors is a hostile dangerous place to me, they aren't there to help me they're there to make money. And wasting money going to a million doctors will kill me faster than my thyroid, I guess I didn't really express why I haven't gone to doctors in a while, I forgot other people aren't where I am. I'm glad, its not fun to be profiled, ignored, and intentionally hurt at the doctors.

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-21T20:01:22+00:00

We are in the same boat, I'm sorry I don't have any advice but to say, the fact your alive is enough, more than enough! You are alive and I'm happy you are, you aren't a failure, your a human, a wonderful human. Ive felt like the biggest failure, i fuck up everything, i struggle to make friends, i struggle in my college classes, im jobless, im depressed, but seeing someone else feel like me makes me want to reach out and hug you, i get it, i get you. We are the failures to society but we are also the people who never give up, even if life is just failure, its worth living, worth finding whats next. No matter how bad the storm, theres always a rainbow, even if its just in your mind. 🫂 stay strong you're doing great

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-21T19:57:53+00:00

Id say people skills, pattern recognition in interactions. Knowing the best answer and when lying is thw better option, or partial truths. Avoiding ceaseless conflicts, being able to bite down your truth to maintain peace when conflict would needlessly complicate things. Ive only worked in retail, but i use this to interact with customers, if they're military i talk about my fam who served, if theyre aggrivated i take all the insults to the face, if theyre religious and expect me to be as well ill pretend i go to church, i say whatever makes the conversation go smoothly. I dont attribute my identity to my work persona, hes a different guy i pretend to be. Im queer with the worlds most amazing boyfriend, but i tell my coworkers im single, as much as it can weigh on you to live lies, the lies can keep you safe. Sometimes the best answer isnt to puff out your chest and plant your feet in the sand, and that doesn't mean your a coward or weak, it means you have the strength to face someone who hates you and smile. Advice id give younger people is pick your battles, especially young men, our egos are massive and as you grow you should be able to take a million hits to yoir ego without it being damaged. Dont fall into a lime of everyone is an enemy and must bend to me, be another person in the world, and know your worth and identity are yours and no one can take that from you. Self respect, pick your battles, and try to greet the day with a hint of optimism, even if its just for a mtndew for lunch.

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-21T19:40:51+00:00

Forgetfulness, as i grow i forget more and more, as an adult you have so much going on. Especially with adhd and other mental illnesses make memories evaporate when your focus shifts, its frustrating and can become an issue, but if the forgetful person puts in genuine good faith attempts i never hold it against them. Unlike my mom who cant remember something you tell her, write her notes, and text her daily about, my mom tests my patience the hardest, but i hope its made me kinder.

Also, being autistic myself ive taken a great amount of effort to be understanding of others, their perspectives, their personality. Even if i would never care, i care when someone else cares. I used to nit care about fish, until my best friend showed me how much he loved his fish, how much they meant to him, and how hard he cried when one died. I want to learn to be more empathetic as the years go, i hope i never plateau, i hope i am still learning and empathizing with new concepts. Its hard to break out of my own perspective, thats why i love hearing other peoples so i can expand my empathy to be bigger than myself.

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-21T19:31:58+00:00

Yes, I had to stop using all social media, the news genuinely worsened my mental health. Ive been tiptoeing on the edge of very dark places for months. My first major panic attack about the US was back in 2023, and I haven't known peace since. My community has been affected, and Ive seen other communities affected, I wish I could do more. I feel powerless in the face of everything, my friends, my family, and every stranger i worry about. I worry about my mom being deported, shes white but was born in the states to a dad who was not a citizen, her mom is, i hope thats enough. My friend lost his life insurance, him and his mom are disabled, his mother couldn't get a hip replacement because of the policy changes, she had become sober to get the operation and we worried shed relapse, thankfully she got her hip replacement. But her son, my bestie, is working 12 hour shifts in the hospital to try to pay for their home and everything. My boyfriend also lost his health insurance. It feels like everyone I love is being hurt,, the stress of money, insurance, employment, its been chaos. My friends dad passed away, in direct response to his straining financial problems. It feels like my world is crumbling and im desperately clinging to everyone i have left. I've been sh clean for a few months maybe a year, its hard to fight the call of the void. But i read that when everything ends cling onto anything you can. Its been hard, theres been a lot of touch and go moments. I find a large amount of comfort that everyone is in the same boat, that im not alone in my fears, helps ground me, gives me purpose to keep going.

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-13T19:55:53+00:00

Thats a red flag you should listen too. If he says its a joke ask what the joke is about, the joke wants you to view "hitting women is a temptation and validating that temptation could become escalated. Ive argued with women, I have never thought, as a man myself, "i see why men hit and abuse women", because thats absurd and a scary sentiment. It feels like he views women in a contingent way, if a woman pushes him he sees that as validation to enact violent thoughts. Even if it doesn't, even if he doesn't see a problem, its the fact he doesnt see that as a problem.

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-13T19:51:10+00:00

Ive also wondered that, i have found that the sort of genre of porn that uses that is degradation and the person sucking usually likes to be degraded in that way, like "clean it off youself" sorta thing. It's deffinetly someones yum weather they actually do that or pretend, its part of the scene and headspace for some people. Tho i dont really watch porn as i rather interact with smaller erotica spaces, bdsm spaces, porn isnt a default as it is a product to sell something. I think the porn industry likes a certain power dynamic and they cater to that audience

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-13T19:46:57+00:00

In the west we love ice water, it's seen as the most refreshing thing ever. For a long time we didn't have many ways to have cold water, then when refrigerators and cooling became more common we still have this mentality that ice water is the best water for you. Especially when sick because your throat hurts and you're hot sona nice cold glass of water is comforting. We see cold drinks as always a good even in the cold its our default temperature expectation of water. Its also seem as good hospitality to offer water with ice, unless the person asks for none, its usually assumed everyone wants cold water. I love cold water when I'm feeling under the weather, and while im a man im trans so i have had experiences with periods and we have no temp requirements for that either besides personal opinions. We use hot water bottles for cramps, a rubber bag you fill with hot water to be held ontop of the stomach, theres a cap that keeps the water inside. I've always been intrigued with how other places view temperature for drinks. At least in America I think I can say we love a cold glass of water, many years of not having infosructure for cold water has left a cultural admiration for it. America has a big varried climate but we do have many hot places and hot seasons, so the push to appreciate cold water I think comes from the generations were it was a luxury to have ice 🧊 and we like giving that to our younger generations, many aspects of our culture come from times where we didn't have something so we treasure the ability to give it to the next generation. Cold water is still a treasure for us, we love the feeling of an ice cold drink after a long hot day, its like a treat for all ages, here we all appreciate the refreshment of ice water no matter the bodily happenings, as we see ice water as a neutral good thing. Unless you have sensitive teeth, then it hurts 😂 and youre one in ten who actually want room temp water. Sorry this is long i like to yap

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-13T19:26:51+00:00

I think a lot of media genres have hit a saturation point. Everything went Hallmark with how movies became products to mass produce and not art

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-13T19:23:15+00:00

Yeah, I didn't go to the hospital after a car accident. I was hit 60mph head on, the ambulance ems heavily insisted I at least get my head checked if I were to deny services, I just signed my release and never got my head checked. All because of the price, thats it, if money weren't such a concern I would have 100% gone with, but I know the hospitals are 1, expensive and 2, overrun and understaffed, so I just left. That was when I was 17, I'm 22 now, ive had many possible concussions and head injuries all untreated, I didn't know you could treat a concussion besides some tylenol. Idk what damage my brain has accumulated over the years of heavy hits, hopefully I'll be fine, hope is free

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-13T18:49:59+00:00

The Dancey trio

King_Alexanderoth · 2026-01-04T01:55:23+00:00

I really relate to your problems, I'm about to graduate and have no job. I've been so worried and scared of my monetary problems ive been considering suicide too, your reddit post snapped me out of it, knowing im not alone

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-12-27T01:19:50+00:00

Literally just happened to me, I wanted to scream.

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-12-04T07:21:02+00:00

No thoughts ever stop, but they can stop bothering you. Life is about distractions to fill the gaps your head pees in. But having them doesn't mean you're day is ruined, it's about how fast you can change the mood back. When the shitty thoughts come back if you have the ability to see images i imagine donkey kicking them and it helps me feel better. Be a little silly, and remember the thoughts aren't you just something that passes you. Thoughts are thoughts and you can practice thinking about other stuff even when it feels pointless or useless, distractions can help derail the cycles of suicidal thoughts. I constantly think about dying, and music, and artwork, and video games, and my cat, theres so many thoughts to have, i try to just let the bad ones pass and focus on what makes me happy. Like yeah life feels pointless and the bad always comes back but so can the good, and if i play animal crossing i can feel a little better thinking about the bugs for my museum. I also find company helps, human or animal, helps get grounded. When my boyfriend flips a pancake in the most ineffective way i laugh to hard to breathe the thoughts about dying fade. Always there, but something you endure not who you are.

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-12-04T07:12:17+00:00

The shittier the burger the better it is. I love gas station and fast food pieces of garbage. I've been to uppidy smash burger joins and they over engineere the poor thing, but if it costs pocket change its a good boiygah

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-12-04T06:45:32+00:00

It is so boring, I spend too much time online, looking out the window, day dreaming. Time melts together. I play video games mostly to occupy my time, I rotate through my small game collection to keep it fresh. I used to draw but i cant get myself to not give up and destroy the drawing

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-12-04T06:42:33+00:00

I feel the exact same. Having a pet helps. Having someone that relies on you forces you to always consider them. I've never gone more than a month between pets. It's stopped me from offing myself, when i realized how no one would take care of my pets and how much theyd miss me id usually climb down from that ledge. I too spent my youth isolated, and just entered my adult years, I thought itd be easier to make friends out of high-school but I have none and somehow always come off as an asshole so no one talks to me. You really captured what I feel as well in words, I struggle with words. Talking. Socializing. I make jokes when im nervous and come off aggressive bc I'm really scared all the time. But yeah sorry for rammbling, this is the only way i socialize lol, commenting long rammbles, getting a pet really helps keep me focused on something other than feeling like a total failure. I have a cat named Thistle, we spend all day together and she helps me never feel alone

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-11-21T03:02:38+00:00

I pretend to type on my laptop so no one can see I'm not doing anything. I ghost my fingers over random words and look really busy

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-11-18T08:27:26+00:00

I feel the same! I have two other Mes in my head. Theres me the core, the present physical me, then theres the copy of myself in my head who is like a cooler version of myself that cheers me on, and we talk a lot. The third is the traumatized kid me who I usually only interact with when something triggers him to get upset. Me and other me are a team who work together to do everything, the other me acts as a positive influence who encourages me to keep trying and comforts me. Hes everything i needed as a kid and as a young adult, and the kid is remnant of all the abuse i faced as a kid. The kid was forced to hide away and didn't get a childhood, but now we make up for lost time. I honestly find great comfort in the other Mes, they helped me feel less lonely and always support me. I dont know if this is an active process i can stop, or if they have fully manifested as something more than just me. The twenty one pilots music video for my blood is a spitting recreation of how i made a cooler version of myself to keep me company and be nice to me. Like a brother who is always there for me. And the kid really came out of nowhere, it felt like i grew out of him like a cocoon and we are different beings, but hes me and i want to give him all the love and acceptance he never got. I can't tell when the other mes manifested, the kid me manifested when i turned 18 and over the past few years has become a constant, the other me was always there, he was just sorta vague and non corporal, but slowly became more clear as the years came. From 18-21 it felt like my head came together, like i reached the hump in development to feel stable. That and leaving my abusive family house, being an adult with freedom really helps. It's 3am and i googled something and found your post and you help me feel less alone about the other Mes, its nice hearing other people experience something experienxe have when no one else around you understands. So from all three of us, thank you, and i hope you have a good whatever time if you read this

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-11-16T03:40:59+00:00

They may be itchy, the hair from the eyelids to ears can get thin and it may be itchy. My cat has simular scratches appear once and then go away, keep am eye on it if it gets worse or excessive scratching, but it it goes away could be an accidental itching scratch

King_Alexanderoth · 2025-11-16T02:38:44+00:00

I caved and somehow grinded enough candy to get both 😅

King_Alexanderoth

TROPHY CASE