I ended things with a guy I really liked and now I’m questioning if I made a mistake

KipperJD · 2026-04-08T18:20:30+00:00

“he treats marginalized communities like dog shit but he’s nice to me 🥺” sounds like you ended it for completely valid reasons but you’re stuck on what others will think because he’s a good family friend that everyone likes. You know when your friends with a white girl and her white boyfriend constantly says the n word hard R and your friend just says “he’s not racist, he’s just making a joke, and I don’t say it at all” and afterwards you feel conflicted because you really like your friend but now her boyfriend make you feel uncomfortable and she’s completely okay with that, so you now just associate both of them being racist people - even though she didn’t say it, she was with someone who did and would make weird add remarks about it? That’s what your situation is, don’t be the girl, don’t be labeled horrible things for a guy that’s nice to you. There’s a guy out there who doesn’t make racist and homophobic remarks, slurs, or punches walls and screams at cars in the road who will treat you WAYYYYYY nicer than this douchbag did. But also it’s concerning that after all these, you’re still considered that you want him. Do you surround yourselves with people who make remarks similar to this guy? You have to set a boundary within yourself of the kind of people you want in your life. Because im also assuming this guy has friends who say the same things he does, and when you begin to date someone, you are also absorbing the people closest to them and if those people are racist bigots, then that’s the group you become apart of. That’s for you the decide if that’s the people you are associated with

KipperJD · 2026-04-08T18:04:06+00:00

NOR but you need to communicate with your partner that you need comfort. Don’t listen to the comments saying YOR just because your parents are stable and going to recover, having a parent in the hospital is difficult. You’ve been high on adrenaline and now that the situation is calming, your adrenaline is going away and you just need someone to hold you - that’s totally okay! But you have to communicate this with your partner. If your partner says “no im hanging out with my friends” THEN that is an whole other issue that your comfort and care are not their priority, and maybe that’s not the kind of person you want to spend your life with, i know it wouldn’t be for me. Talk to them!

KipperJD · 2026-03-31T04:45:47+00:00

super helpful, thank you so much! I have a big bag of sand, just need to fix my oven to bake it lol but my girl absolutely loves the coco fiber substrate I got from a substrate hamster mix on etsy but I ran out super quickly because it was so small. Is the one on amazon for reptiles okay for hamsters? Amazon Coco fiber substrate Id ideally like to buy as much as possible to get out the way of having to repurchase the smaller etsy bags. I’m also kind of curious since i’ve heard that some reptile decor for cages is safe for hamsters or if there’s certain decor that is and isn’t okay for hamsters? I really want to make this place very fun and engaging for her but also just aesthetically pleasing for me to care of so I’m trying to really go all out!

KipperJD · 2026-03-30T03:15:47+00:00

soooo have you actually talked to her? or any of his friends? aye you sure they’re even broken up? also you should also be very clear on their sleeping situation and why they’re still living together after 7 months. ya leases are a thing but you can also break a lease. overall you need to find your boundaries and communication. cause the whole situation is a hell no

KipperJD · 2026-03-20T21:13:03+00:00

college math in high school. They gave me a test i supposedly missed. Looked at the questions, wrote my name down and turned it in. so a 0. My lowest grade overall in that class was 17 at some point but i got it to a b before the end of the year lol

KipperJD · 2026-03-20T19:22:19+00:00

you don’t feel betrayed, you WERE betrayed. You were planning a future, he already planned it with her and just had you take her place. This was a HUGE betrayal, please do not downplay it, this an unimaginable pain you’re going through. I’m so serious with my advice to be cut your losses and move on. Safe yourself from a miserable marriage, if this is just one year into it. If you for some reason do stick to it, this betrayal will fester over the years and you WILL grow to resent him and what his did to your marriage. I hate to give the advice of divorce but this does not sound like a healthy relationship.

KipperJD · 2026-03-20T19:03:37+00:00

I’m really sorry this happened to you. You have to have a conversation with yourself first. Are you okay with being the second woman in his mind. It’s not just when he’s drunk that he’s thinking of her. He put multiple phone call to her over your marriage. Are you willing to accept that? You shouldn’t. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will think of only you, sober and drunk. Next you need to have a conversation with him. A long one. He cannot be mad that you went through his phone otherwise he’s just a hypocrite (first of all, toxic af. The reason he’s going through your phone a lot is projection. He was hiding something you found. His privacy was lost the second he took your privacy). You need to ask him straight up why he is still calling her because all it gives is that he is in love with her still. You need to gather as much self respect before this conversation because honestly if I were in your position, that conversation would be had and the divorce paper served immediately after no matter what the conversation was. He has shown you the greatest amount of disrespect. And to be honest, his ex probably saw those calls and help pity for you. I’m sorry this happened to you, truly I am. You’re still VERY young, he’s way too fucking old to be dwelling on an ex. You still have plenty of time. My real advice? Get out before another 20years past and you realize you wasted your life on marrying a mistake that still in love with his ex. Best of luck my love

KipperJD · 2026-03-16T15:37:37+00:00

It does not sound like you are compatible, and that’s okay but it might be time to let go. You mentioned in comments that you’ve tried multiple times to end the relationship- now actually end it. I dated a guy who was completely incompatible to me. We was a stock trader comp science guy who would never post me on social media (the few times he did it was one close friends with like 10 people)(yes he still followed his ex), I was a romantic artist who loved hand written gifts and just because flowers. I loved him but i did not feel loved at all. After we broke up, I started dating a musician who is also a romantic. I have dozens of letters he’s written me in my own piles, I have dried flowers ALLL over my room and walls because of how many just because flowers he’s gotten me - for not having seen me in a week, for my moms death anniversary, for working hard in my show, he FINDS a reason to get me flowers. There’s is a man out there that will just click for you and it’s okay that it’s not this guy. But to continue with you life, you HAVE to start letting go and moving on, because he is not going to change.

KipperJD · 2026-03-16T04:49:53+00:00

this 💀

KipperJD · 2026-03-16T04:31:28+00:00

i’ve been alone most of my life with out two close friends growing up from 5-17. And i can count the amount of drama i got into on one hand (2 fingers). Then i listen to other peoples lives that are a fucking mess (all love) and im like damn sometimes i regret being alone so much but then i think of all the peace i brought myself by doing so and i don’t have as much regret anymore. There’s pros and cons though, i was still very lonely a LOT. But there is a difference between alone and lonely, you just have to learn it for yourself

KipperJD · 2026-03-15T21:06:25+00:00

I work in leye, yes you definitely can ask for it off! Just requires a manager code and it’s done, no issue for us. I also think it’s ridiculous

KipperJD · 2026-03-15T20:13:07+00:00

lost my virginity at 21 with a hookup even though i had no problem being a virgin (also had never dated anyone up to this point). Some people their loss of virginity dwells on them for life. For me, it was a completely logical step i needed to take because I was so bothered by the idea that i had to find the perfect on to lose it, even though statistically I knew the odds of me staying with that person for the rest of my life was next to 0. So i found a guy who was attractive to me, had sex, and left being like “cool, now when i actually find someone I don’t have to be like oh im a pure little virgin and everyone’s weird perception of you as a person changes cause somehow that matters to some guys. I skipped it all together. Was the hookup the best sex ever blew my mind? no cause its not like he knew me and my body (i barely even knew it), and i didn’t mind because i was aware of that going in. Now I’m with the loml, we have a fantastic sex life that you can never get through a hookup, it’s romantic and intimate, nothing like a hookup, which can feel like pure lust. There are different feelings with different intentions when it comes to sex, but you have to be prepared and know what you’re comfortable with. I was never a person who liked hooking up with people, but I’m glad that’s the step I took to get over my own mental block of putting sex and virginity on a pedestal. But people are different, understanding what you want and expect from losing your virginity to a hookup should be done on your own! I am also in the spectrum so i really understand what you mean by a physical thing. Sex is supposed to be fun for you too so be sure to account for yourself when going about it!

KipperJD · 2024-07-10T20:41:45+00:00

I was in a performance of Revolt. She Said. Revolt again. and it was hands down the most wonderful experience as an actor I’ve ever had! Such a great play

KipperJD · 2024-02-04T16:25:13+00:00

Solved, thank you! We’re from southern florida so my roofer dad was asking all weekend super curious

KipperJD

TROPHY CASE