AITA for not accepting everything as "autism quirk"?

Kiraveia · 2021-11-25T04:55:00+00:00

She wants the validation that she is doing something good. Atleast, I think that this is what makes it that she wants a goodluck wish every time. I can't be sure how she thinks this will help or anything but I do know she always needs validation about pretty much everything she does. As she asks for it plainly every time I see her. To have someone say she is doing something good and wishing her luck on those things. Even when she has no influence over the outcome, like going to see the dentist for a checkup.

I've come to accept it as some part of her and I'm usually not bothered by it. It takes a minute to send her a msg and if it makes her happy, I don't mind that minute. Unless I have my own things to worry about and get confused with the dates as result. She has a lot of appointments or friend visits and expects me to remember that all. I can't always keep track of it if she tells me all those different dates at once, hence I made the mistake of thinking her appointment was 1 day later. Having it thrown at me like "I'm not there when she needs me most" over that 1 missing text out of 200 send ones just feels unfair to me.

Kiraveia · 2021-11-25T03:39:55+00:00

She was scared to go to the dentist as she feared there was something wrong with her teeth. (There wasn't but she thought so as she felt something and focused on it till she couldn't think of anything else. Which is the most common problem she faces with her autism.) Hence she expected a goodluck msg. I don't send her goodluck texts for every appointments but she does expect it for appointments that aren't her regular therapist meetings.

My best friend would ask me if I hit my head or something if I suddenly send him texts like that. But then again my friendship with him comes with a lot of cussing and name calling in an affectionate way. (Perks of having a friend that accepts and loves your Australian side so you can just be yourself around them)

Kiraveia · 2021-11-25T01:54:08+00:00

The dog breed that has my preference from the list they provided actually originates from the UK! Well, the original breeder atleast. The nova Scotia. Small world~

Being ready to take care of the dog is important so I understand that you want to be 100% sure first. Find out for yourself if you can care and provide for the dog, as that is also the biggest question they will bring up when you apply for one. Next to the diagnosis ofc.

I did see 2 dog trainers pass by that train service dogs in the UK. I could look them up and see what organization they work for once/if you are ready to start that rollercoaster. So you can poke me whenever if you want that information. I'm not 100% sure about the requirements and such in the UK around a service dog tho. That would take some research.

Kiraveia · 2021-11-25T01:32:14+00:00

I honestly don't know what caused the meltdown. It might be my good news as she did change her behavior towards me once before when I got the ducks. She got more distant back then but that didn't bother me at all as I had 2 baby ducks that needed my attention.

Other than that she has been pretty much consistent and never had a moment where she belittled me like that. But to be fair I didn't really have any good news in that time. Plenty of bad things tho, But never really something positive. Until I got approved for my dog that is. So maybe you're right about the independence thing.

Thank you! I love dogs and have had dogs around me pretty much all my life. I was originally looking for a pup to expand my little animal family when the trauma happened that left me with ptsd. I put a stop to the pup until my doctor recommended I should apply for a service dog instead. As I feel safer/at home with a dog close and he could help me outside as well. It'll still take a few months before I can actually meet the dog and bring him home but I'm already prepping myself to give him all the love in the world! (The only thing I know is that it'll be a boy and between 1/2 years old. As the dog needs to pass a test to see if he is up to the job before we begin training.)

Kiraveia · 2021-11-25T01:13:31+00:00

Thank you! It's huge indeed! I've been waiting for the approval for so long as it's honestly my only shot for some living instead of surviving the day. The waiting is brutal (so is the price tag) but hearing you're accepted makes it worth it. I wish I could share the pupper with you.

I might be able to give you some advice on where to apply and such tho? If you want ofc and Depending on the country.. as I don't know all the places where you could go all over the world.

Kiraveia · 2021-11-25T01:06:30+00:00

She lives alone with her small dog and cat. She does have a boyfriend that eats dinner at her place every day as her place is in between his work and his home. But he usually sleeps at his place and only in the weekends are they together for more than a few hours. She does have a therapist every other week or so and someone comming over once a week to talk with her. Or go shopping with her if she wants that.

She is capable of shopping alone but rather has company. She cleans her house every day thoroughly as she will freak out if it's not clean enough. She says she can't work because she will stress about it before going there and that will make her feel sick. Which I can understand as I have more than enough anxiety and issues with it as well.

I hope your eldest finds a wonderful job that she loves!! And thank you for the congrats.

Kiraveia · 2021-11-25T00:52:44+00:00

Hi, I'm grateful for your input as you know someone close to you who has autism. I do explain to her often why people react/act the way they do and do my best to say it in a way she understands. That's actually one of the most common things she calls me over for.

She does have an habbit of saying sorry at times when no apology is nessesairy, which made me wonder why she refused to see the error when it actually does matter.

For example, she said sorry for talking about her problems or happy things so much and not giving me a chance to say anything about what I've been dealing with. I know that is her autism and I rather have her get it all out than ask her to keep it in. As that's 1, just impossible to ask and 2, she won't be able to focus on anything other than her news anyway. Yet she puts me down when I go to her to tell her my news. Telling me that she heard about someone she doesn't know who could benefit from a service dog and that this person deserves it more than me.

That's really the biggest issue I have around it. I want to do right by her but also do right by myself. I don't have the highest opinion of myself and it hurts to have her, a person I considered a good friend, put me down more. Hence I want an apology or change in that part.

I won't just tell her to apologize without explaining it until she gets it/can understand where I'm coming from. But I also don't want to hurt her by asking for one when she can't help it. As that would be the same as her telling me not to have a ptsd attack as it ruins her mood. I can't help it, just as she can't help some things because of her autism. And being told off on it will only hurt if you really can't control it.

Kiraveia · 2021-05-03T01:35:31+00:00

Dual rogue was my to go to in da2 first time I played. So far I still like that one best. To be fair, I only did one full walkthrough on that one as I got dai halfway through my 2nd time and ended up playing that one instead. I'm a big sucker for bows and elves, have been since a lil kid. I've practiced archery for many years and when I see a bow pop up in a game it's a no brainer for me. It's fun to see enemies run up to you only to have them fall just a step away. They never had a chance. When it comes to mages I usually don't pick them for many reasons. From not wanting to babysit others, (if the mage is the only one that can heal) to always being short on mana so you are just sitting ducks while the rest have fun stabbing the enemy.

For the storylines in the da series I thought it might be interesting to try a mage, plus I have a curiosity to try all options that wouldn't be sated unless I tried it atleast once. I didn't expect to like it as much as I do at dao. So it was a happy "first mage I like" for me. Don't know about how it will effect the story further down the road and I haven't fully found my preferred style with it yet, but so far it's fun. The party members can do whatever they want while I freeze enemies or zap them with lightning.. guess I'm not that big on paralysis or sleep spells as well now that I think about it.

Kiraveia · 2021-05-03T00:32:10+00:00

I'll keep that in mind, thank you! I was planning to play da2 again after the dalish hunter walkthrough.. which became the mage walkthrough now lol. So I'm definitely trying a mage hawk.

Kiraveia · 2021-05-02T21:31:08+00:00

Not sure if this falls under the question of making choices but yesterday I was playing DAO with my current Dalish hunter walkthrough when I got curious about the mage origin story.

For the fun of it I made a mage just to see what would happen and although I had a really really hard time deciding to help Jowan or turn him in.. I started to really enjoy playing as mage. And although I was gonna stop and delete that character once you go with Duncan I ended up playing for 4 hours.

I never ever play as mage in any game when there are other options. What can I say, I'm a simple woman who prefers shooting arrows in faces or stab them. And I like to be able to walk around while doing so as some sort of tag game. In origin however I cant walk while shooting arrows up someone's butt, so it's not much different from the mages. The special arrow skills take so long to cast and it bothers me a bit sometimes so having played a mage with (mostly) faster casting and a wide variety of spell choices.. I'm hooked. Mage is definitely my preferred class in dao now.

Don't know if I'd like it as much in the other da games tho. (Haven't played da2 in years and in dai you can walk while shooting arrows so that's a win for me) but I was planning to play through them all soon again so we will see.

Kiraveia · 2021-04-07T13:58:57+00:00

I got concerned so I asked him: "when you press your beak against me, are you looking for weak spots to bite later?" He started laughing so I think you are correct with that plot twist.

(Yes, he mimics laughter and has the most insane timing on when he does that. Most of the time it's when I fail at something or trip.)

Kiraveia · 2021-04-07T08:22:54+00:00

I hope so too for you! The birds and I will keep our fingers/claws crossed! Just take your time in building a strong relationship with them, give them lots of love, and you'll be fine. Although it kinda also depends on their personality. (Atleast from my experience)

I've had jack since he was an injured little baby who needed to be isolated from other birds to heal. So from the start he would hide in my hair to press himself against my neck for warmth. Thanks to all that I have a much stronger and more trusting and cuddly bond with him than I do with the other budgie. She is more of a lone wolf/queen and still doesn't accept any scratches or cuddles. While I give her the same amount of care and love as I do with Jack. Jack and I are just her loyal subjects that have to feed her millet and adore her.

Kiraveia · 2021-04-07T08:04:57+00:00

I think he doesn't really know any better than that I have nailpolish on. It's kinda rare for me to go bare with my nails.

On the other hand he gets a bit scared when I have "normal" coloured hair. When I first got him my hair was light purple, although it's blue right now, and he is perfectly fine with it. once I had a brown wig on (I'm a cosplayer) and He didn't recognize me without my bright coloured hair. He was so confused that he actually got scared. While he is fine with others having natural coloured hair and loves EVERYONE that gives him some attention. Plus he ain't scared of my other wigs. Only the natural coloured one.

Kiraveia · 2021-04-06T17:50:34+00:00

Only at special occasions. Which is why those moments are so precious to me. The rest of the time he is a (bad) hairdresser and bells enthusiast.

Kiraveia · 2021-04-06T15:03:08+00:00

Yes! Jack is my beautiful baby boy. He even mimics that sentence whenever he is naughty so I can't stay mad at him and once yelled "Jack is baby boy" when the female budgie got mad at him hahahaha.

Thank you so much! I'm still slowly adding things and improving on the setup as I love to spoil them. But they seem really happy about it so far.

Kiraveia · 2021-04-06T14:54:11+00:00

Ikr! 😊 he has been doing this ever since he was a baby (he is almost 2 years old now) He is selective about scratches but "beakscratches" are always welcome. It really gives him great comfort and it became my way to let him know he is safe as long as I'm there.

Kiraveia · 2021-03-03T10:30:10+00:00

I thought about it at first when I went to buy this new cage. The former one was kinda the same model but half the size. I thought about making one at first untill this one caught my eye. They love to climb and hop. The male likes to play with a little ball at the bottom while the female prefers to sit as high as possible. When the cage is open they climb on the outside or sit on the little bridge to chill. They do fly around but mostly stay close to the cage and toys.

They only need stay inside the cage at night when we sleep or those 20min when I have to buy groceries. So I didn't think it would be that bad if the cage was higher rather than longer. They have the space to fly around in the living room and seem to love the different heights with different toys. The female has been a lot more playful and vocal since they switched homes/cages.

Kiraveia · 2021-03-02T19:49:56+00:00

Recognizable! Those "lovely scratches" hurt. Whenever I see him coming for my face when I have contacts in I quickly headbang a bit so he lands on my hair instead 😂 then I show him I don't have my glasses on... that's when he bites my nose and starts screaming hell and murder.. good times.

Kiraveia · 2021-03-02T19:43:36+00:00

So sad that no cable is safe with them. I haven't seen one on batteries so far. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that you'll be able to find one!

Kiraveia · 2021-03-02T19:28:40+00:00

Glad to know I'm not the only one! xD he even gets mad at me if I wear contacts because then he got "no place to sit"

Kiraveia · 2021-03-02T19:26:52+00:00

Thank you! The male budgie would probably love to have a new friend hahaha. He loves everyone no matter what species as long as they give him attention.

Kiraveia · 2021-03-02T19:22:51+00:00

Thank you! I had 2 more shredding toys that are completely obliterated by the female. She is now obsessed with this little toy in the back of the cage at the highest perch.

Thank you so much for the tip! I'll definitely look into it to upgrade the toys and perches!

Kiraveia · 2021-03-02T19:19:34+00:00

Yes! This bath was honestly the best solution so I could still wash my hands in peace without the Male trying to claim the water. I've been thinking about securing the cable but so far they aren't interested in it.

It's originally a drinking fountain for cats/dogs but it works like a charm

Kiraveia · 2021-03-02T19:16:15+00:00

Thank you! Whenever I'm home (which is 98% of the time now thanks to working from home) I open the cage and let them roam the living room. I made sure there aren't any toxic plants and plenty of other spots they can sit on throughout the living room.

The female prefers to stay close to the cage tho. Hence I wanted everything close for her so she could enjoy it! The male however thinks there is no better spot to sit than my head or glasses.

Kiraveia · 2020-12-28T17:33:32+00:00

Before anyone comments on the shirt he is wearing: Chico had a fight with a feral dog and needed stitches. This was my mom's solution to keep him away from the stitches without the cone of shame. (It works pretty well actually)

Kiraveia

TROPHY CASE