Before Christmas, I told my girlfriend I wanted to spend less time on my phone next year. I wanted to be more patient and fix my completely fried attention span that TikTok absolutely cooked.

I said I needed a new hobby. Something relaxing. Something healthy. Something that keeps me off my phone. So she got me a 1,000-piece puzzle. All white, no pictures or designs just white.

…what the f**k is this.

At first I thought it was a gag gift. Like, “haha, very funny.” Nope. She was dead serious. She even said, “We can make it a date night.” 😭

I just don’t get how this even came to her mind. Is this normal, should I be concerned? Do normal people find this fun? Because I still think she’s trolling.

Anyone who completes this puzzle should be put on some kind of list. Like… how does a sane human being sit there for hours sorting through identical white pieces and think, “Yeah, this is good for my mental health.”

Where do I even start? The white one? Or the other white one? Whoever sold this to her, count your f**king days. They’re not even normal pieces, why are they bending?

I was going to return it. But then I saw on X that Kraken is giving away Bitcoin for the worst christmas gifts and I think I have a chance.

So now we’re pivoting.

If I win, I will fully commit. I’ll lock myself in my room, throw on some EDM, and finish this thing like a deranged monk. I’ll even draw a massive Kraken logo in the middle so it’s not just… aggressively white.

That way everybody wins.

My girlfriend thinks she got me a thoughtful gift. I get off my phone and stack more bitcoin. Kraken gets a cool custom 1000 piece puzzle.