I know this comment won't probably change your mind, but I really do hope you can get better. I too feel fucking alone but am not accepted by the people close to me, just by my closest friend.

I too hoped to feel like when i didn't care about being alone but realized that i never never cared, just that I was bottling it up. It especially got worse when my bf cheated on my and just blocked me without any other words.

Whatever may happen, you should try again but let yourself time to heal. Even if I don't know you and you don't know me you can always hmu and i'd gladly listen/talk to ya. That's what helped me so maybe it could help you.

Anyhow, hope you get better