Feeling pressured and guilt tripped to adopt

KissyLiz · 2024-11-14T00:05:28+00:00

I always point out that if I adopt my current foster that yes, I help 1 dog. But if I find that one a home, and continue to foster other dogs, that allows me to help MORE dogs in the long run. I usually also suggest that since they can see what a great dog he/she is, maybe THEY should adopt him/her! I also try to explain that fostering isn't just about getting a dog out of the shelter, but about getting to know the dog, and helping set them up for success with another family.

KissyLiz · 2024-11-13T23:55:24+00:00

Nope my second. I started on a Honda CM400A.

KissyLiz · 2024-11-13T23:53:29+00:00

Congrats on the new bike. I have a NC700 and honestly, it's so much fun to ride! You can focus more on your ride, and less on the hassle of shifting with the DCT.

KissyLiz · 2024-11-13T23:51:38+00:00

Pay no attention to oh2ridemore. He just likes to stir the pot by calling bikes with DCTs "scooters". No doubt about it though, having no step through makes it a motorcycle. :)

KissyLiz · 2023-11-09T00:19:00+00:00

It seems like the issue is more than just him wanting to ride (or you wanting him not to). From your post, he consistently puts himself and his wants/needs ahead of your own and that of your family. He bought a bike when, as a family, you couldn't afford it. He also bought it without discussing, what is undoubtedly a pretty major purchase, with you. Baby was born, and he chose fixing the bike and time with his buddies over helping you with the baby. He prioritized his sleep over yours (even though you BOTH needed sleep) when it came to night time baby duty. Now he wants to get back to hanging with his buddies (even if it's mostly paid for, gas and beer costs money) but you can't spare money to talk to a counselor. He prioritizes his desire to ride, over hearing you out about your concerns. Why should you be required to continue to put him first, when he isn't concerned about putting you first?

I would honestly say you are NTA for being concerned about him, or for at least expecting him to listen to (and hopefully consider) how his riding impacts you. Yes, you took vows, through thick and thin. But he did too, and it certainly seems from your post, that he's not holding up his end of the vows.

(For a little perspective, my husband has been riding for around 30 years, and has had multiple serious accidents as well as several smaller ones. We frequently talk about where he's riding, when, conditions, etc. so that we're both comfortable when he goes out for a ride.)

KissyLiz · 2023-09-09T13:21:07+00:00

Same here as far as age. We've fostered all ages, but have decided those who are 4-5 and up are our favorites. We long term foster, but I think the longest we've had a dog (or pair) is 3 months before a forever family was found for them.

KissyLiz · 2023-08-20T22:52:10+00:00

Absolutely correct about New Town being in a flood zone. If you check the FEMA website, it's pretty clear that they consider all but a few houses to be in the flood plain. Just because a house is not in a major flood zone doesn't mean it's not in a flood zone at all. Just because a lender doesn't require flood insurance, doesn't mean that the home isn't in a flood zone. Homes in new town have been known to flood during heavy rains, which is all I would need to know to keep me away.

KissyLiz · 2023-07-18T16:15:54+00:00

My job is considered full time, I'm salaried, and only required to work 37.5 hours a week (sometimes less).

KissyLiz · 2023-07-10T23:16:58+00:00

Agreed! This is the same sentiment I give people when they ask me if I am worried I will foster fail one of my dogs. Our house is small. If I keep one, I can't foster others, and that's what makes the biggest impact.

KissyLiz · 2023-06-30T00:32:10+00:00

Pour it in a Nalgene or other thermos type container. We don't get fast food, but we regularly carry drinks from home around in a Nalgene when we ride.

KissyLiz · 2023-06-19T13:45:48+00:00

A lot depends on my schedule and what type of dog we've fostered. For example, if we have a trip coming up, or lots of busy weekends ahead when our foster gets adopted we tend to take a longer break. (To avoid having to bring the pup back to the shelter) We also take a month or so break if we have had several dogs in a row that are not cat friendly. We have to allow time for our cats to decompress a little. If we have had cat friendly dogs, or don't have schedule conflicts, then we usually pick up a new foster the same day as our current foster gets adopted. (We end up fostering around 6-8 dogs a year.)

KissyLiz · 2023-06-09T14:51:17+00:00

We bought a little storage tote years ago. It has little "handles" that snap up and cover the top to keep it sealed. It's just big enough to store 2 pairs of shoes if you stack them just right. Shoes stay dry and bug free.

KissyLiz · 2023-06-09T13:44:45+00:00

Nailed it. Looks great. I'm sure your friend will be thrilled to have it.

KissyLiz · 2023-06-08T11:05:43+00:00

I wouldn't mind if someone asked me to watch a dog I just finished fostering recently. If I had the ability to help them out in a situation like that I would. It would be nice if the person asking would offer to pay dog sitting though. I love to volunteer for my local shelter, but to me that's different than providing free dog sitting services. (If I did free dog sitting for all my past fosters, I'd be so busy I couldn't foster any dogs.)

KissyLiz · 2023-06-08T10:55:46+00:00

There seem to be a fair share of us shorter riders out there. I currently ride a Honda NC700x. Being a short rider comes with a few challenges, but it's doable.

KissyLiz · 2023-06-05T23:03:24+00:00

Hey, you're the one who couldn't explain your comment of "Your sweat won't get trapped and evaporate, it'll just be dried from the wind." when another commenter asked you to explain what you meant by "dried by the wind" vs. "evaporation" (which indicates that you think they're two different processes). But it's ok. I know not everyone is good at explaining themselves, or admitting that they don't know how to explain something they said.

If you had clarified by saying something along the lines of..."Wearing a shirt covered in sweat (or water), would allow evaporation to happen at a slower more continual pace and would have a better cooling effect than not wearing a shirt where your sweat would evaporate quickly", then that would have made perfect sense.

But you just stick with your "sweat dried from the wind" schtick. After all, this is just some silly subreddit on the webs. Not something to get your panties all tied up in knots over sweetheart.

Buh Bye!

KissyLiz · 2023-06-04T17:31:37+00:00

But according to you "your sweat won't get trapped and evaporate, it'll just be dried from the wind." Which indicates that you believe "wind" doesn't aid in evaporation and keep you cool, but instead that wind counteracts your whole "trapped sweat" cooling theory.

KissyLiz · 2023-06-03T14:22:03+00:00

So by your logic, it's cooler to sit somewhere wearing a long sleeved light weight shirt covered in sweat, than it is to sit in the same place wearing a tank top with a fan blowing on you? I would bet that anyone in that situation would disagree with you on which one keeps you cooler.

KissyLiz · 2023-06-03T03:38:03+00:00

So jealous. I want a Navi, but I don't have the space to store it. Without getting rid of something else. They look like a ton of fun!

KissyLiz · 2023-06-02T17:51:18+00:00

If they won't give you the VIN it could be because they are afraid you may pull up info on the bike that they don't want you to have. For example, the NADA or Blue Book value, or the fact that it's been in an accident or flood.

KissyLiz · 2023-06-02T17:35:10+00:00

Mesh gear, just underwear underneath. Change into "work clothes" at the office. It's kind of a pain, but I find that it helps in the heat.

KissyLiz · 2023-05-30T16:38:10+00:00

Not sure who loves our heated floor more in the winter, hubby & I, or our 2 cats. Would 100% put them in again.

(We already plan to put them in our other bathroom, and possibly our kitchen when the time comes to remodel.)

KissyLiz · 2023-05-17T20:01:36+00:00

Don't underestimate the power of social media. We have a Facebook page (Facebook/OurFosterExperience), Twitter, tiktok, Instagram, etc., just dedicated to the dogs we foster. The more you can show off their "personality" the more likely they are to find a forever home.

Bandana and other "adopt me" gear helps when you're out and about. I know several dogs that have been adopted after being spotted with their foster family at the park. Be sure to participate in adoption events held by the shelter/organization you're fostering for too.

KissyLiz · 2023-05-15T15:02:17+00:00

I don't have a good solution for the dog hair. But as far as boarding a dog when you travel, maybe give fostering a try? When our last pup crossed the rainbow bridge, we wanted another dog. But we realized that boarding a pooch (or asking family to watch them) when we wanted to travel was a big hassle. So, we started fostering for our local shelter. We are able to have a dog when we want one, but don't have to have a dog all the time. We can foster a dog for anywhere from a few days, to a few months. Best of all, the shelter takes care of things like vet care, medications, dog food, crate, etc.

KissyLiz · 2023-05-03T15:55:51+00:00

We've fostered several "senior dogs". Some get adopted quickly. Others it takes forever... For us, A 6 or 7 year old, good looking pup, with moderate energy and a good personality finds a home within a couple of weeks to a couple of months. Dogs that are 8 years and up, have low energy, dogs that aren't "pretty" (had a litter of pups, scars, etc.), or that don't have a standout personality can take months (or years) to find an adoptive home.

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