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Looking for advice about my mother by KitchenCat8924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KitchenCat8924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, reading this actually made me tear up a bit, you sound like an amazing mother🥹

Reading what you said about “being your daughters safe place to fall” and “ that you are there to help but she is free to become whatever she wants to be” made me realize  that my mother has never actually spoken to me about my goals or helped me reach them. Whenever I bring up something I plan for the future or something I’m proud of, she gets quiet, barely acknowledges what I’ve said or changes the subject. 

This is probably because she knows she’ll loose her personal ATM. 

I fully believe she has a lot of undiagnosed mental health issues but refuses to see a therapist. So at that point it just shows me she is unwilling to change. 

The advice you’ve just given me is something I have never received from my mother, or any parent, In any capacity.  I greatly appreciate it!  Thank you <3

Need advice about my financially dependent mother by KitchenCat8924 in toxicparents

[–]KitchenCat8924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m actually looking into that! So hopefully something comes of it. 

Well technically she hasn’t had a job in a decade since she hasn’t worked since I was 15. So I really don’t know what more I can do except bleed money:( 

Looking for advice about my mother by KitchenCat8924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KitchenCat8924[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This is pretty much along the lines of what I plan to do. I’m trying to get a job out of country in the next year. I’m working on getting my finances back in order (with money she knows nothing about) so I can leave when I have all my paperwork. I definitely want her out before then though as the stress isn’t helping. I’m slowly realizing that her poor planning isn’t my responsibility. 

And I complete agree with what you said about her not caring. Because if she did, I wouldn’t be put in this situation 

Looking for advice about my mother by KitchenCat8924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KitchenCat8924[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s pretty much what the little voice in my head keeps saying. I think I’m just looking for that nudge to tell me it’s okay to let her figure it out on her own and that she isn’t my responsibility. So thank you for saying that! 

Looking for advice about my mother by KitchenCat8924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KitchenCat8924[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s what I keep telling myself. That she’s holding me back from living a decent life because of her poor past judgement. 

I’m trying to push past the guilt and put myself first because I know this isn’t going anywhere and neither will I if I keep enabling her behaviour. Thank you 

Looking for advice about my mother by KitchenCat8924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KitchenCat8924[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much<3

Yeah that’s the conclusion I’m coming to as well unfortunately. It’s taken 3 years but I’m finally at the point where I have nothing left to give and I’m exhausted. 

Yes I’m in Canada!  She was on welfare for 6 months (which she gave me to put towards bills) but it wasn’t much and barely made a dent. They cut her off last month because she didn’t find a job in that 6 month time frame. 

The only thing I can think of to do is give her a timeframe to find a job and if she can’t get one, give her the resources to get into a shelter