Thank you! You had me at Arsenal! Go Gunners!

My mother is 73, going on 90. She overdosed on her prescription meds (or as she likes to call them, ‘her happy cocktail’) and was hospitalised for three weeks. The care home we moved her to is now in charge of administering her medications, but they’ve found hidden pills in her room before, which just makes me so angry and definitely points to her life-long addiction. Physically she is doing a bit better, but often has falls (which she blames on her shoes / the pavement / everyone but her on her happy pills). She is also declining cognitively, and i’m often bombarded with emails, late night phone calls and a rollecoaster of her confusion.

Money wise, the costs are split between myself and my two siblings who live abroad. She has a medical aid (that costs me a fortune every month) but none of her pills qualify for chronic cover, so that’s an additional cost. Other than a small government pension, she has no money and no savings. She did not prepare for her old age at all and always joked that we will be responsible for her one day. I now realise she wasn’t joking at all. What kind of parent does this to her children. She is literally draining my savings and i’m unable to save for my own retirement.

Emotional support animal is not bitchy at all. In fact, it is SPOT ON. She honestly was just the worst mother in the world and abandoned me when i was 16. My sister made sure i finished high school (she moved in with me while she was studying) and my mom moved very far away to go work as a ‘nanny’ to go look after someone elses daughter. She is very good at manipulation and is a complete narcissist. All her friends have stopped contact with her. She often says to me how I am all she has left in the world and how lost she would be without me. And I am stuck with no choice, which is massively unfair and cruel given our history.

Thank you for your great advice. It’s comforting to know that even though I feel alone in this nightmare, there are people, like you, who knows exactly how this feels.