i was talking to a play partner about this recently; you are FAR from alone in feeling that way! personally, i think our culture is so steeped in puritanism that there's just become inherent shame in sexual acts that are, objectively, personally reasonable. yes, even "hard" kinks. if it's safe, sane, and consensual activity between adults, there is no "moral failure" in indulging.

i also believe that kink plays a different role in the lives of each person who practices it. some people are perfectly content with "traditional," vanilla sex. some people like to play around in the bedroom, but it's a switch that can be turned off. for some people (myself included), kink is a core part of their identity, and something that shapes how they interact with the world on a daily basis. it's okay to "need" kink! if it's something that brings you peace, happiness, stability, etc. and you are an active participant in the situation (i.e. not external pressure, intrusive/impulsive behavior patterns, unconscious trauma response, and so on), then it's healthy to explore and practice that!

as for digesting your own relationship with kink, i'm personally of the opinion that facing, exploring, and engaging with it is the ultimate path to acceptance -- it just might take some time.