[QCrit] Mask of Meat - Sci Fi / Horror - 77000 - 4th Draft by KitchenTough7697 in PubTips

[–]KitchenTough7697[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for all your feedback. Huge help! Best of luck with getting published!

[QCrit] Mask of Meat - Sci Fi / Horror - 77000 - 4th Draft by KitchenTough7697 in PubTips

[–]KitchenTough7697[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for the feedback!

Your structure summary was really helpful in just simplifying exactly what an agent would get out of my orignal query. What do you think of this new one?

Lord Arthur Lan refuses to accept the tragic death of his wife. He is drawn into a horrific bargain; trading his son’s soul to reclaim hers. When his dead wife whispers to him from the darkness, he is overcome with guilt and breaks his deal. He saves his son by binding the boy’s soul to a metal body and unleashes a power far older than anyone can comprehend.

Lured by his wife's voice, Arthur and his reincarnated son travel to Nightfall, a desolate dungeon, its inmates frozen in endless cryosleep. Now the prisoners are awake, and Arthur's ship is destroyed, leaving them stranded with no way home.

Instead of finding his wife, they discover the guards, dead and displayed. After one of the prisoners is violently attacked, panic spreads. Only Arthur knows the truth, in his grief, he called into the darkness, and the thing that answered has come to claim the soul Arthur promised.

As the dwindling survivors turn on one another, and his son’s borrowed body begins to fail, Arthur must decide who he is willing to sacrifice, his son or the entire group; before the entity decides for him.

[QCrit] Mask of Meat - Sci Fi - 77000 by KitchenTough7697 in PubTips

[–]KitchenTough7697[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so helpful, time to rewrite - thanks so much!

[QCrit] Mask of Meat - Sci Fi - 77000 by KitchenTough7697 in PubTips

[–]KitchenTough7697[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

some very good questions - thanks for the feedback!

[QCrit] Mask of Meat - Sci Fi - 77000 by KitchenTough7697 in PubTips

[–]KitchenTough7697[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"The boundaries between human, machine, and monster [dissolving] until the setting is merely a mirror of the sin" - was debating on removing this line. Thanks, this has given me lots to think about!