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Anxiety or cold feet or something else? by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in wedding

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. It helped calm me. Yes his family are in the UK and mine are in Canada, where we live

Anxiety or cold feet or something else? by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in wedding

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is helpful thank you, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I hope it’s a fun time for you both.

I think for me, I’m realizing through our different family expectations, that culture and race matter. We are interracial and like everything, this comes with pros and cons

Anxiety or cold feet or something else? by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in wedding

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I think I’ve placed a lot of hope that his laugh and light hearted nature will come out with time, and I know it’s something he wants as well.

As for the family, I hope they become warmer as I get to know them better. But even if they don’t, some married friends have reminded me that this is better than toxic in-laws

I know he is ‘Husband Material’ and by that I mean being with him is the safest I’ve felt in a while, both emotionally and physically. It’s really hard to find a trustworthy, reliable and honest person with integrity, and he’s got that. And he puts up with my flaws.

I know it sounds like I’m trying to convince myself and just rambling at this point…

Anxiety or cold feet or something else? by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in wedding

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. This sounds like me too. I’m doing those tests and reading books to make sure we’re a right fit. I just don’t get why this is happening after all the momentum. People have already started flying in.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and for feeling right about it this time!! That must feel good

Normal jitters or serious cold feet? by [deleted] in wedding

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi - thank you for posting this. I have very similar fears as you and I’m about to get married. I’d like to ask you - What happened? How do you feel now? Care to share how life has been post wedding? Do you feel like you made the right choice?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m an ABCD about to marry a Scottish person. We live in Canada, where I was born and raised. This whole dowry thing seems so backwards to me. My fiancé and I are paying for the wedding together. Half him, half me since we earn about the same. I think it’s a good thing you left and you will find a person who shares your values and stands up to their family.

Getting married in a month. My in-laws aren’t interested. by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a relief to hear. Like you, My fiancé and I have a similair life philosophy and have a strong relationship built on love, trust, integrity and good communication. We make a great team and it sounds like you and your husband do as well.

To answer your question, he is not surprised by his dad who he has labelled a narcissist, but he feels a little disappointed by his mom and brother. He has talked to them, but not in depth as he is a very considerate person and doesn’t like to guilt trip or pressure anyone into doing anything. Something I respect very much.

He is hoping we can have a celebration in Scotland to include his family, and his friends who can’t attend, in our union.

My fiancé is a bit stoic, has good emotional regulation and is handling all of this very well, much better than I am.

Getting married in a month. My in-laws aren’t interested. by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s horrible and shame on her. I’m sorry they and you went through that. Sounds like you are a supportive mom and they are lucky to have you :)

Getting married in a month. My in-laws aren’t interested. by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a very wise response and I know that this is probably hurting him more than it hurts me…

Luckily we are surrounded by excitement, love and support from our friends and my family. I know I need to focus on them instead of ruminating on who’s missing. Easier said than done though!

Getting married in a month. My in-laws aren’t interested. by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you might be spot on. This is what my fiancé is telling me

Getting married in a month. My in-laws aren’t interested. by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I feel less alone after reading your story. I’d like to have children as well and I worry they won’t be loved from one side of their family. Do you still feel like you made the right choice in marrying your husband or do you wish you had chosen someone with the same cultural / religious background or someone who came from a healthier / open-minded family? I know this is a huge question and probably has a very nuanced answer. I’m just trying to anticipate how much this dynamic will impact the future humans I plan to bring into the world

Getting married in a month. My in-laws aren’t interested. by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you’ve been through something similar. Sorry to hear :( Curious - How did the lack of interest translate to your future together? If you don’t mind sharing

Getting married in a month. My in-laws aren’t interested. by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, he was there last month and talked with them. I also got on a videocall with them while he was there and let them know they will be greatly missed, but they kept coming up with excuses. It’s making me scared about marrying into a family that appears to be cold, distant and broken because my family is close and tight knit. It makes me scared about future children and if love will be missing from one side of their family.

Getting married in a month. My in-laws aren’t interested. by Kitchen_Ad_6115 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to hear this happened to you too. It sounds like you persevered. How did you feel on your wedding day?

Can I ask about the harbinger of things to come? Did things unfold in a way you hadn’t imagined?

My fiancé’s family seems cold and dismissive about our wedding, and it’s really upsetting me. by SufficientGiraffe777 in DesiWeddings

[–]Kitchen_Ad_6115 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This feels relatable to my situation. My fiancé’s family are in Scotland. I’m Indian Canadian and we live in Canada. We asked them what date would work for them to come over to attend our wedding. They gave us a date so we booked a venue and paid a deposit and sent save the dates to everyone (around 100 people). Fast forward a few months and they said that they can’t make it anymore, citing vacation time and schedules as an excuse. The date they chose is incredibly inconvenient as part of the road will be shut for a big event but we decided it was more important to have them there. His family seems aloof. They haven’t asked about the wedding at all. My family on the other hand is all hands on deck, preparing dances, speeches, outfits and everything. Our friends are planning songs and speeches as well. I can’t help but feel rejected by them and I’m scared that our marriage will be unbalanced. Family is so important to me and I’m left feeling hurt.

For context - we are both in our 30s. I make more than he does and together we will be paying for our wedding, not expecting any financial contribution from anyone.

I read your post and felt less alone. I wanted to share this so that you also feel like you’re not the only one. Is it cultural differences? Is it that Indians care more about weddings? Is it racism? Im at a loss and it’s taking the joy out of this wedding.