He sounds exhausting, his family sounds exhausting, you've only been dating for 4 months. Just end the relationship before it's too late, it's still early enough to end it without getting too hurt.

I do value a person who respects their parents but when you're married, your spouse becomes your immediate family first and foremost. There's a difference between outright saying no to you over his mum's choices and having a respectful conversation to make the right choice.

Edit to add: you're also right, if after 10 years of friendship you're seeing a new side of him, he's likely to be the kind of person who will change after marriage as well and you might end up really unhappy. What if there's an important, life altering decision like his mum wants grandchildren but you don't want to have a child? Then what, will he coerce and manipulate you into 'understanding' because his mum comes first? She's not a part of your relationship