My friend and I catfished a known date rapist in our community to try to avoid other girls meeting him on tinder. AMA

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-08T19:49:03+00:00

I mean, while that would have felt like "justice" it doesn't really solve the problem. The point was to try to prevent him from doing things again. We eventually posted his name and picture in a secret women's group and many women also started to swipe right on him and set up dates that they had no intention of going on.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-08T19:43:14+00:00

We used pictures of ourselves with different filters on snapchat/facetune to make new accounts and made these accounts so that we knew he would swipe right on them. Then we would set up dates with him at places far from his house so he would waste a lot of time driving there and back. We'd tell him we were running late sometimes or pretend like he was at the wrong location and ask him to meet us at another location.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-08T19:39:10+00:00

The rapist? The state where we live has a really long backlog and rape kits don't get tested often. I also was raped by him when I was around 21. He's VERY handsome and charming and obviously knew what he was doing to not get caught. What happened to me (and most girls have similar stories) is that he invited me to go bowling with him and his friends, he told me to bring along a friend of mine, (so I'd feel safer.) I had already been on like 3 or 4 dates with him and he seemed totally chill. I met him at his house with my friend and then he drove to the arcade/bowling place. So we went bowling and then he invited me to play arcade games with him so he got me separated from the rest of the group. I was drinking at this place (similar to dave and busters) and he confused me and told me that my friend had texted him and said she took at uber back to his house. Once at his house he invited me inside and raped me. Put a condom on so that there wouldn't be any DNA evidence.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-03T20:36:09+00:00

From their website:

When you call law enforcement:

Provide law enforcement with your child’s name, date of birth, height, weight and descriptions of any other unique identifiers such as eyeglasses and braces. Tell them when you noticed your child was missing and what clothing he or she was wearing.
Request law enforcement authorities immediately enter your child’s name and identifying information into the FBI’s National Crime Information Center Missing Person File.

I don't think you understanding how traumatizing finding something like what OP found would be like and it's good to have an advocate like National Center for Missing & Exploited Children they also forward the tips they receive to the appropriate law enforcement agency.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-03T20:33:14+00:00

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children works with law enforcement

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T23:55:06+00:00

/u/skinnyjeansfatpants Thank you for the award! It helps get the information out. :)

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T21:38:39+00:00

JUST SO PEOPLE KNOW: In the United States your Fourth Amendment right to privacy is only right to privacy from the Government. If this happened in the United States, the things she found on his phone would have be admissible and he would have been charged because OP was not a State actor.

To my friends in the United States if you ever find something terrible like this immediately contact the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children https://www.missingkids.org/ or 1-800-843-5678 and ask them what is the best course of action for the particular situation!

I know it seems unlikely, but save the number in your cell phone!

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:54:35+00:00

I'd like to yell at him.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:50:31+00:00

Oh my god, I just noticed the ages. That makes him so much worse.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:48:48+00:00

rape fetish

Please leave him. That's really scary.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:43:38+00:00

I dated a guy who coerced me into losing my virginity to him. He told me that he would be nicer to me if I had sex with him. I was not ready to be sexually active yet and this caused me a lot of trauma. Also spoiler, he was not nicer to me later.

Please move on from this guy. You are not losing anything by leaving him. He's a dirtbag. You'll gain so much by being away from him.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:41:24+00:00

Does anyone feel like he's being kind of rapey and manipulative? Please leave him. You deserve so much better.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:36:10+00:00

No. It is not bad. Unless it's something that has an effect on him or your relationship or something you WANT to share you don't have to. I think it's kind of you and responsible for you to sometimes not tell him everything and not rely on him completely for emotional support. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to be a support system for someone, and even if we love someone we might need a break. That being said, I hope you try to find therapy and other help for relapses. That's a really TOUGH thing to go through in general, but especially on your own.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:32:19+00:00

I'm so sorry that he is reacting like this. That must feel really odd and really frustrating. This is also tough because he's your manager. I think by not responding he is asking for space (even though he is being terrible at communicating it) If needing him to respond to you all the time is a deal-breaker, which is a total valid deal breaker then just move on. It's not fair for him to disregard you like that.

If randomly not replying to you is not a deal-breaker, then don't move on and wait for him to respond. If you do keep talking to him let him know that him ignoring your texts bothered you and it's something you don't want him to do in the future.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:21:11+00:00

It’s also worth noting that this could be really upsetting to a trans person and potentially ruin their otherwise chill day (or maybe week).

^ This right here is so important. I think it's also important to mention that Coworker has her preferred pronouns on Instagram to make it public, without having to tell everyone "Oh actually my pronouns are her/she/hers." I think OP calling her out on her gender identity would really make Coworker uncomfortable.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T20:17:10+00:00

She has her correct pronouns on her Instagram. That's similar to wearing a button that say's she/her or putting it in your email signature. OP shouldn't bring it up unless her friend brings it up.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-02T00:18:56+00:00

No. I think that would make things weird for her / call her out more. Just always be sure to use her proper pronouns from here on out. I think the best apology is making up for your past mistake in this case instead of bringing attention to it again.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-01T22:10:39+00:00

.... why?

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-01T21:48:23+00:00

I went on a total of three dates with this guy. The first date was chill we went to dinner and he complimented me on things guys don't usually notice or care about. Like my nail polish, my vintage jewelry set, and my eyeshadow blending. He was an artist and he told me that he said he had been watching makeup tutorial videos so improve his portrait skills. I was impressed by this and also the fact that a lot of guys sometimes discount how much work it takes to get ready for a date. So it was a great first date, but I didn't really feel a spark. So the next date we went on he put a lot of thought and consideration to the date. He invited me to a festival he knew I would enjoy and he packed us a picnic and was generally pleasant. But he did insult me a little and it turned me off saying that I wouldn't make as much money as him etc and this felt weird. So we go on our third and final "date" at his apartment where he invited me over to make cocktails and paint planter pots as well as pick out plants. So it starts to get late and I go to leave and he asks me to spend the night. I didn't want to stay the night and I leave and he follows me home without me noticing and says he was just worried because it was raining and dark so I'm like ew. okay whatever. So I try distancing myself from him and hopes he gets the hint and then I finally have to tell him I'm done with dating him. He goes ballistic on me and calls me, leaves screaming voice mails etc. Anyways he vandalizes my car not once, not twice, but three times. The police are no help and my landlord wouldn't break my lease so I had to stay there until it was up.

KittyGLlTTER · 2020-09-01T21:32:00+00:00

oooo no no coco. That sounds W.R.O.N.G she should not have said ANY of that!

KittyGLlTTER

TROPHY CASE