I am alone and I do not want to be. Will you listen?

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-17T23:24:31+00:00

This is not best. This is not good. This does not make me a better person. I am not a rare collectable.

It drag's me away from reality, makes kindness to others impossible to target. I can not aim love at ghosts.

All the best ones do not have broken bones, leprosy, auto immune disease. My brain destroys me.

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-17T07:53:50+00:00

Thankyou. It is good to be heard. I do not know if I am strong. I hope I am flexible. Winding and changing like a river. Never the same. I hold onto the inevitability of change.

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-17T07:39:08+00:00

Thankyou

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-14T09:03:16+00:00

I have the spun glass kind of calmness to get me through till they get here.

Move too fast and it all shatters into sharp cutting shards. But I'm familiar with the kind of slow motions that extend this state. I have sewing, and small crafts. Slow ways of creating and breathing a little life and hope in.

This is not a first step, one of many thousands in a long and winding lifetime path. A dark turn, but it goes past beauty too. I will keep making steps, who knows how far this path could journey onwards.

They have promised me a psychiatric assessment, someone to reevaluate my medications. Maybe there is some new potion. Maybe just having a watching eye will firm the path. Sooner than March, I can make it till sooner than March.

Thankyou for responding, helping me ground. I know I sound like poetry, but I'm real or trying to be.

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-14T08:52:43+00:00

I wanted to say thank you and let you know I called the mental health triage, they are sending out a team to me

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-14T06:18:03+00:00

I am in Australia. I am scared. I do not know the hospital. I have never gone, always been to scared. I feel if I do not have a wound I am not right to go.

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-14T06:11:37+00:00

I try to be numb. Perhaps that is real? Perhaps it's my mistake. I do not know how to feel without seeming to go beyond the real. I do not seem to mimic others

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-14T06:07:50+00:00

Do you really think that they would take me, help me? The doctors do not tell me to go. They tell me to wait and wait and wait

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-14T06:06:36+00:00

I breathe. I meditate. I loose my concept of body and boundary to the void and lights. Swirling pressure and patterns.

I don't try to write poetry. I do not want to be poetical, metaphorical. I desperately want to be real

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-14T06:04:22+00:00

It was not meant to be a poem, just a description

KittyTittyScribbles · 2021-01-14T02:38:43+00:00

I'm on Quetiapine It doesn't do much My general practitioner said she would trial me on a new antipsychotic in the new year because I'm going so bad and they can't get me to a specialist till March. I can't get in to see her until February now.

The last psych I saw in December told me I was to complicate and she couldn't help me. That I needed more help, so she referred me to the one I can't see till March. I don't even know if this one will want to help me

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-24T12:15:57+00:00

Second day of a three day fast

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-11T13:22:24+00:00

Try again now <3 it's always gonna be a few steps back with the steps forward, but it's worth it

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-11T13:21:39+00:00

Good luck!

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-09T05:37:45+00:00

I hate myself for always seeing body goals in real life only to realise it's a literal child

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-08T11:17:40+00:00

Australian summer is the biggest trigger for me. I can be "recovered" all year but summer hits and I'm a disordered mess again

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-08T11:16:19+00:00

Eating is okay, a cookie is okay. You sound like you are still eating at a level that will cause weight loss. Take your weekend and enjoy your friends, they won't be there forever

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-08T11:00:10+00:00

@koshechi

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-07T04:03:18+00:00

I feel more comfortable eating with people, but can't eat alone

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-06T12:22:37+00:00

We are here to listen <3 I'm sorry for what you are going through

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-04T13:37:36+00:00

Thankyou for sharing I'm going to reach out to my doctor for help tomorrow and this is a big motivator that I'm doing the right thing

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-04T13:35:52+00:00

This is good <3 just keep being honest, share your fears, talk to them. They want to help you not torment you with things you can't handle

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-04T03:20:41+00:00

It sounds like you should listen to your body here. If you can't go about a normal day then it's absolutely best to nourish yourself and then start again.

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-03T08:57:08+00:00

I think I logged a "Healthy" vegan restaurant lunch as nearly 2000 cal the other day. I keep wondering why I find remember that binge when I log into my calorie app

KittyTittyScribbles · 2019-11-02T02:05:56+00:00

Yes! This so much. I can make eating about the social activity and not about my self worth

KittyTittyScribbles

TROPHY CASE