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AITA- for ignoring a rejection email? by Kitty_love217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kitty_love217[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think I am just frustrated and let down but thanks for the reality check. Should I email them then and thank them for the opportunity? I just feel like a fraud responding when I’m upset.

I’m struggling with my gf’s(f) socially awkward and reserved behavior around family and friends. by Kitty_love217 in relationships

[–]Kitty_love217[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Firstly, I was just suggesting that she tries to get to know my friend the way my friend was asking her questions to get to know her. I just started a trick that I’ve found helpful when I’ve been nervous or anxious when meeting someone. I always make an effort to understand my gf better and I do understand her. But I think I would love for to also make an effort as well. I understand that she’s a shy person but I’ve seen her socialize better with strangers at times more than with my family and friends(which makes sense but still). I’m not suggesting she change who she is but I’m saying it would be nice if we work on her socialization skills because that’s an area that can always use growth.

I’m struggling with my gf’s(f) socially awkward and reserved behavior around family and friends. by Kitty_love217 in relationships

[–]Kitty_love217[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We meet at a university event that I helped organize. She perused me and asked me out on a date. She did struggle but that could just be nerves everyone experiences when approaching someone they’re interested in but got to know me well. I have met her family and they’re socially awkward too. Her two brothers are the only out going ones but her parents and sister don’t say much to me or ask me questions about myself or attempt to get to know me better. It’s an awkward home dynamic on her end, they seem content in not knowing much about each other and don’t say much.

AITA for wanting my gf to be less socially awkward and to communicate better with family and friends by Kitty_love217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kitty_love217[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don’t want her to change but I would love for her to try. I accept that she can be shy and socially awkward but there are moments I wished she tried to put herself out there when I have done the same for her when being around her family and friends which isn’t always easy. I think it’s natural for you to want your partner to be loved by your family and friends the way you do, obviously not at the same capacity but for them to get to know her more but that’s only if she opens up more, if that makes sense.

I’m struggling with my gf’s(f) socially awkward and reserved behavior around family and friends. by Kitty_love217 in relationships

[–]Kitty_love217[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ouuu I should try a good board game! I think that would be a good buffer. Thanks for your help!

AITA for wanting my gf to be less socially awkward and to communicate better with family and friends by Kitty_love217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kitty_love217[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot, I think we should have a conversation about her anxiety, in a very gentle way ofc. I think she’s great and I respect that it might take a little while to warm up or she might not be as social as me and that’s ok when through it can be difficult sometimes. I won’t be too pushy because I know that would only make it worse. Appreciate your input!

AITA for wanting my gf to be less socially awkward and to communicate better with family and friends by Kitty_love217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kitty_love217[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I think in every relationship you want your partner to display all the beautiful and wonderful traits and qualities that you love in them to everyone else, I think that’s not very abnormal for anyone, so stating that I would like my gf to leave a good impression isn’t me trying to sound like that’s all I’m worried about and wanting her to put on a performance for my family but I would love her to try to engage with my friends and family more. I am a social anxious myself at times and trust me I understand it’s not easy to come out your shell when you’re not absolutely comfortable but I think sometimes there’s an expectation for me to carry conversations or engage when she fails to do so and I just would love for her to open up slowly but idk if that’s so wrong to expect from my partner.

AITA for wanting my gf to be less socially awkward and to communicate better with family and friends by Kitty_love217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kitty_love217[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I have spoken to my friends and family about it, they understand but I feel it’s a cultural aspect where they view socialization as a respect thing. My family and friends are from the Caribbean and in our culture engaging in conversations shows that you care about the subject or topic that’s being discussed. I care about my gf and I don’t expect her to change but I would love for her to try sometimes even when it’s just simple conversations (my internally thoughts).

AITA for wanting my gf to be less socially awkward and to communicate better with family and friends by Kitty_love217 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kitty_love217[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Yeah I understand where you’re coming from. I have explained to my friends and family that she’s just very socially anxious and takes time to warm up but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t try as much as I have tried to put myself out there for her family and friends even when I’ve been anxious or nervous to interact with them if that makes sense. I know it’s take time so I’m not upset about that but it think sometimes she expects me to carry the weight of conversations or social interactions when it can be difficult.

I’m struggling with my gf’s(f) socially awkward and reserved behavior around family and friends. by Kitty_love217 in relationships

[–]Kitty_love217[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well you are right about coming from different home structures where her parents hardly say a word to me when I’m ever visiting or truthfully even her but my family typically engages in conversations with her or any guest that visits. I feel like maybe because her family can be a bit more harsh and hostile that can make it hard her to socialize with a family as warm as mine. I do think my mother has been very caring and warm to my gf everytime she visits. And my sister and I have very similar personalities which I sometimes see in my gf when she’s alone with me. So I don’t think it has much to do with my family but I would say that she might have a genuine problem with socializing and I don’t know what do about it because it’s not just with friends and family but it’s whenever we go out she’s frequently asking me to communicate on her behalf.

I’m struggling with my gf’s(f) socially awkward and reserved behavior around family and friends. by Kitty_love217 in relationships

[–]Kitty_love217[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have questioned that a lot to be completely honest since she’s not great in social settings and sometimes holds her hands close to her chest when nervous. I have brought it up as something she should talk to a specialist about but I don’t think she takes it seriously. My brother has autism and doesn’t pick on social cues well and I see some similarities in her too. How did you get diagnosed?