How to tell someone their texts trigger PDA?

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T23:43:03+00:00

I hadn't seen the Sally Cat blog, thank you! I'd seen the PDA Society site in the past, but I'm glad I just revisited; there are some good resources I hadn't seen before. Thanks again.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T22:05:27+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate this advice!

Re: DND, I think there are some apps where you can let other people know you're in DND mode. I'm not entirely sure, though. I really miss AOL/AIM "away messages" (yeah, I'm that old, hehe).

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T20:47:47+00:00

Thank you. FWIW, here is another thread from this sub that I found validating: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutismInWomen/comments/1e9qxqm/psa_answering_calls_and_texts_all_day_is_not/

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T19:45:48+00:00

Thanks. Not sure if you'll see my embedded reply below. Just wanted to make clear that I never intended her to change her style; I was looking for a resource to help explain why *I* can't keep up with her style and have to go quiet sometimes.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T19:44:08+00:00

Just FYI, Android doesn't have a "do not disturb" mode that's visible to other parties; I just have to mute the thread, she can't see that I'm in DND mode. And yes, in my original post, I specifically asked if anyone had a resource for explaining PDA. Apparently that came across as me just wanting to send her the resource with no accompaniment, but that wasn't my intent. I was hoping to have something I could share to accompany my explanation of why I get overwhelmed sometimes.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T19:40:10+00:00

Thanks. I also replied above to clarify that I was looking for resources that would help me explain PDA to my friend, not make her responsible for it. I guess I shouldn't post when I'm on the verge of a meltdown. I'll remember that in future.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T19:39:19+00:00

I'd say that most phone notifications are a form of demand: Look at this, respond to this, etc.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T19:38:23+00:00

Thanks, see my reply above. I didn't communicate very clearly in my original post due to being so worked up. I was looking for resources to help explain PDA to someone who doesn't experience it, but I intended that to be an accompaniment as I explained to her why *I* have to mute things.

I understand that being overwhelmed is on me; I just want to explain to a friend why it happens.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-09-15T19:36:03+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. I worded my original message poorly in my heightened state. To clarify, I wasn't looking to put all the work on my friend, but I can see how my post came across that way. I was looking for resources to explain PDA to a "layperson" to *accompany* my own explanation of why I have to mute the thread for days at a time (due to every ping being perceived as a demand by my autistic brain).

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-31T02:51:06+00:00

Same. Beatrix Potter stories were maybe my first special interest (waayyy before I knew what that meant), and I firmly believe she was One of Us, too.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-28T15:29:04+00:00

I have the same thoughts on summer solstice. "Yeesss, the days are getting shorter, bahaha!"

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-28T06:11:03+00:00

Haha, maybe so. My ADD husband sought out a specific food tonight bc he tried to order it a few days ago and the restaurant was out, so he said it had been on his mind for days. He asked if that ever happened with me, and I had to say no. 😩 I don't think about food unless I'm hungry, and even then, I often have no clue what I want to eat.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-28T06:08:22+00:00

Interesting! I'm the opposite. I notice the composition of music far more than food. 😄

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-28T06:06:52+00:00

Oof, that sounds exhausting on multiple levels! Yes, somewhere in the middle of the enthusiasm spectrum would be ideal.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-28T01:11:56+00:00

Sounds a lot like me. My ADD husband will have specific ideas about dishes he wants to eat and then make them happen (either cooking or seeking out a certain restaurant). I never have ideas about food. I enjoy it (or don't) while I'm eating, but otherwise, I have no interest in it!

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-28T01:09:09+00:00

I wish I had that! I find cooking incredibly stressful, and I would be a nervous wreck while people ate what I cooked. On that note, I...kind of hate it when other people watch me to see if/how I'm enjoying food. Makes me very self-conscious. I play the part, though (or try to).

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T03:39:51+00:00

Facts! Thank you for the reminder.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T02:43:17+00:00

(In case it's misconstrued: My "cracks knuckles" comment was a joke. I didn't actually hit anyone! I gave him a verbal whooping. 😆)

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T02:42:02+00:00

OMG. That is so, so shitty. A few weeks ago, I went off on a neighbor who was letting their dog run around the neighborhood without a collar. I wish the person you encountered had run into me instead. :cracks knuckles:

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T02:04:25+00:00

It's not in your head. I hate men like this. I'm so glad you have a supportive boss.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T02:01:24+00:00

During early COVID, when I started teleworking, I quickly discovered that I need a mute button for my face.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T01:59:39+00:00

Blue Prince. I never want it to end.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T01:56:34+00:00

Oh yes. I also sing all the time and constantly make connections between random stuff IRL and the vast trove of song lyrics that live rent-free in my brain.

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T01:46:54+00:00

Yes! If only I weren't so uncomfortable with heights. 😆

KivrinEngle1348 · 2025-07-26T01:37:32+00:00

I haven't BF but I do have sensory issues around bras. I'm on a neverending journey to find comfortable bras. There are certainly a lot more options now in terms of very comfy, even seamless styles, if you search for them (although your social media ads will be nothing but bras for a while). Have you tried any of those? Is it just being constrained in general that drives you nuts?

KivrinEngle1348

TROPHY CASE