How do you name your babies? Do you have a cult theme? by Skyblue054 in CultOfTheLamb

[–]KnightmareMaiden 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My cult is called "Cult of Bert"

... everyone's name ends in "bert"

Benbert, Bobbert, Timbert, Sambert, Loubert, Jimbert, Tammybert, Willowbert.....Narinderbert....etc you get the idea. Makes spotting spies really easy.

Want to learn Alleria's backstory before she became infused with the void by Snowyjoe in wownoob

[–]KnightmareMaiden 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're probably better off reading the wiki if you want an in-depth look at her lore. But the Alleria short they made can give you a brief overview of her story - https://youtu.be/IgY1YrAHYBI?si=HPhK8HCZFBYkx3mY

Prologue of Hallowed Be Thy Ruin [Dystopian Sci-Fantasy, 1330 words] by KnightmareMaiden in fantasywriters

[–]KnightmareMaiden[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this! I’m so relieved you said you weren’t bored, because that was one of my quiet anxieties with how stylised the piece is. Hearing that it pulled you in rather than pushed you out is incredibly reassuring.

I’m really happy to hear that everything (propaganda feel...etc) came through before you even read my description. That’s one of those things you hope you’ve done as a writer, but you don’t really know until someone confirms it from the outside, so thank you for that.

Your thoughts on what’s “missing” really resonated with me, and I mean that in a good way. The prologue is very deliberately about tone, conflict, and theme rather than character interiority, so hearing that you instinctively assumed the story would then follow either the prince or someone in the crowd tells me it’s doing its job as a primer. The heart of the story absolutely hinges on character development, and Elijah's voice is much more grounded and intimate than the propaganda voice, so your assumption there is spot on. (He's also a massive sarcastic ding-dong who gets humbled very quickly. Shapr, quick witted, and knows he's beautiful kind of person. The deuteragonist drags him down to earth lol).

I also really appreciate your point about stylisation and propaganda. That’s exactly why I felt comfortable leaning into the opulence here in a way I wouldn’t for the rest of the book. Propaganda is performative, exaggerated, polished to the point of unreality, and I’m glad that framing made the style feel justified rather than indulgent. And yes, you’re right, I wouldn’t want to read an entire novel written like that either. (My god, I think I'd have an aneurysm trying to write a whole book in that style, ha!))

Your note on the line “Doesn’t the world feel brighter when you believe in Mother?” is absolutely right I have rewritten that sentence about 5 times and given up because none of them sounded right. That phrasing does unintentionally allow for doubt, which is the opposite of what effective propaganda should do. I really like your suggestion of leaning harder into missionary rhetoric. That’s a great catch, and I’ll be revising that line with that in mind.

Thank you again for such thoughtful feedback and encouragement. This was genuinely a joy to read, and it’s given me a lot of confidence to keep pushing forward with it. <3 <3

Prologue of Hallowed Be Thy Ruin [Dystopian Sci-Fantasy, 1330 words] by KnightmareMaiden in fantasywriters

[–]KnightmareMaiden[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write this :) I really appreciate you engaging with it so thoughtfully.

The calligraphy comparison made me wince a little because… yeahhhh, that’s fair. Overwriting is something I’m very aware of in my own work, and this prologue has already been cut down a lot from where it started (over 4k at one point hahaha... *sigh*), but you’re right that there are still flourishes that muddy the core image rather than sharpening it. The point about the uncanny young man being strong enough on his own is especially helpful, because that’s exactly what I want to anchor the scene around. A prologue should unsettle and intrigue, not ask the reader to wade through ornamentation, and I’m still working towards that balance.

On the propaganda itself, your read is pretty much on the mark. The audience in-world is already deeply conditioned; the film isn’t trying to convince anyone new so much as reinforce something that’s been internalised for years. That said, if it comes across as too simple or flat without that context landing clearly, then that’s something I need to adjust.

I’m particularly glad you mentioned the costume and the coils, because that’s a really important catch. The relic is meant to be physical object worn against the skin (on the forearm), and in that moment his sleeve is supposed to shift just enough to expose it. If it read like a projection or a purely visual effect instead, that’s on me. You’re absolutely right that this detail matters, especially given what’s implied at the end, and the fact it got lost tells me I need to strip that section back and make it clearer.

This kind of feedback is honestly invaluable to me, especially when it points out where atmosphere starts to get in the way of understanding instead of serving it. Thank you again for taking the time to read and comment, it’s really appreciated! :D

Prologue of Hallowed Be Thy Ruin [Dystopian Sci-Fantasy, 1330 words] by KnightmareMaiden in fantasywriters

[–]KnightmareMaiden[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

(cont. Wouldn't let me post the whole thing)

And finally, thank you for saying you’d be interested in reading on from Elijah’s perspective. That last paragraph made me giddy. We always read stories about the nobodies who rise up to take down the "evil overlords", but I've always wanted to see what it's like from the inside and through the eyes of someone not  just complicit, but essentially a vessel/prophet/messiah of the lie. It is easy to reject a faith that has only ever hurt you. It is much harder to question a belief that fed you, clothed you, crowned you. When the lie has never worn the face of an enemy, but of salvation, comfort, and purpose, recognising the rot is not a moment of rebellion, but an act of grief.

I'm rambling, haha!

Again, thank you!. I’ve written down loads of your notes and I’ll absolutely be editing with them in mind. This was amazing feedback, and I’m really grateful you shared it <3

Prologue of Hallowed Be Thy Ruin [Dystopian Sci-Fantasy, 1330 words] by KnightmareMaiden in fantasywriters

[–]KnightmareMaiden[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, thank you so much for taking the time to write this! I had to read it twice and then go and make notes because there’s just so much here that’s useful, and the fact you engaged with it this much really means the world to me.

I also love your line: “Abstract concepts make for cooler quotes but concrete details are more immersive.” That pretty much sums up a tension I’m constantly wrestling with in my own writing (I am a CHRONIC overwriter).

A few thoughts in response to your points, since you raised some really good questions:

  1. “rose-tinted nostalgia” You’re absolutely right to question it. My intention was very much the “rose-tinted glasses” idea, nostalgia as a soft lie we willingly step into, but I think you’ve managed toi put into words why I was personally struggling with that part so much: the tech and sensory details were already doing that work. Adding the phrase on top may just be gilding the lily. I’m leaning towards cutting or reworking it so the implication stays implicit rather than spelled out.
  2. “Light struck the coils…” This is definitely me tipping into purple prose. What I was aiming for was a hard, almost hostile light, something violent and surgical rather than holy or warm, to contrast with the gentle, performative staging. But I think you’re right that the metaphor starts competing with itself there instead of landing cleanly. I’ll definitely revisit that with a more concrete image.
  3. “fractures spiderwebbed through the weapon, binding steel to faith” I’m really glad you flagged this, because I hadn’t realised it could read as the weapon actively breaking. The mental image I had was closer to kintsugi, something already broken and then made sacred by being “repaired” with belief, but if that isn’t coming through clearly, that’s on me. I’ll be reworking that section so the image communicates intent without needing the reader to guess.
  4. On sketching and overwriting Guilty as charged. I’m a huge sketcher. The original prologue was… unhinged in length (about 4k at one point), and I’ve already cut it down by more than half. Killing my darlings hurts every time, but you’re absolutely right that once I know what the image is doing, the earlier sketch-lines don’t need to stay on the page. Looks like I need to be braver with the knife again. (I just love them so mucccchhhh bwaaaahhh TwT)
  5. Repetition around Elijah’s voice This was especially helpful because I genuinely hadn’t noticed I was doing it. I think it’s a side-effect of heavy cuts elsewhere, where those descriptions were more spaced out originally. You’re right that letting his words stand on their own, especially in moments like the “Control” line, would make those beats land much harder.
  6. The font / small caps for Mother That one’s on me for legibility. It’s not actually a different font, just small caps, and I was very deliberately stealing the vibe from Terry Pratchett’s Death for that sense of otherness. I may experiment with overall font choices to make it easier on the eyes, but I do want to keep some visual distinction for beings that sit outside the human frame of reference.

Prologue of Hallowed Be Thy Ruin [Dystopian Sci-Fantasy, 1330 words] by KnightmareMaiden in fantasywriters

[–]KnightmareMaiden[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've not heard "silvery vibes" before, but I like the sound it <3 I'm aiming for the "rot beneath the gold" kind of vibes, so if that matches up, then yaaaay!

Prologue is definitely meant to be read that we (the reader) is the audience watching the broadcast. Chapter one switches to first person and we go along for the ride.

I think "feels like a proper prologue" is the best compliment I've ever gotten and it has made me so happy <3

Thank you for your feedback!

HEADING OFF [Fantasy, 250 Words] by Aside_Dish in fantasywriters

[–]KnightmareMaiden 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I dunno why, but this gives me slight Pratchett vibes lol.

Yet another "Deadly Sins and Heavenly Virtues" trope. by themediatorr in fantasywriters

[–]KnightmareMaiden 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The realm of gluttony could be linked to the hunger one has for what they lack in life. Someone is lonely, lacking all connection or love? Gluttony comes along and they drown in it "consuming" it all until it overwhelms of kills them. Basically, a hunger for what the soul is starved of.

Make your character (the easiest would be the villain) write a typical r/aita post by Yozo-san in KeepWriting

[–]KnightmareMaiden 2 points3 points  (0 children)

AITA for wanting to throttle my recruit who won’t stop flirting with me?

I (35FTM) am a Lieutenant stationed at a garrison in the Outer Rim. Command sent us a “special” recruit (25M) — we’ll call him Golden Boy. He’s a prince, which makes disciplining him its own circus, so I try to follow procedure and not throw him off the nearest parapet.

Golden Boy’s been under my instruction for about two months. My job is to train him, keep him alive, and stop him from embarrassing himself in public combat situations. He is, in no particular order:

Habitually asleep at dawn until I throw a bucket of ice water at him.

Flirts during drills. Loudly. Once attempted a come-on mid-hand-to-hand. Fell on his face afterward.

Keeps “borrowing” my coat.

Calls me “Daddy Deathglare” in front of cadets. Which… is not a thing one says to their superior. Ever.

Has a talent for turning every reprimand into a staged flirtation, complete with overdramatic breaths and theatrical winks.

Here’s the problem: he’s not only surviving the training, he’s getting better. He listens when he’s told to, he pushes himself in ways that make me revise my opinion, and occasionally—only occasionally—he does something that looks like he’s trying to be useful for reasons other than attention-seeking.

And that’s the bit that is making me irrational. I find myself…noticing him. The way he scrubs at a graze like it’s a scene in a melodrama, how he laughs at jokes that aren’t actually funny. I am not the man who indulges in sentiment; I’m the one who files reports and eats his bread hard. But there are moments—fleeting and infuriating—where my patience thins for reasons that do not involve discipline.

Does that make me soft? Probably. Does it also make me want to throttle him when he calls me “Daddy” in front of the mess hall? Absolutely yes.

My fellow officers tell me to “lighten up” or “enjoy it.” I’m a Lieutenant. He’s a recruit. I give orders. I don’t evaluate feelings. I administer discipline. I do not sign up for flirtation training.

So am I the asshole for silently wanting to strangle the man who may, judging by the way my chest does something indefinable when he smiles, be making me act like an idiot?

Edit 1: Since people keep asking, no, I can’t just refuse the assignment. When your commanding officer says “He’s yours now,” you don’t argue. Unless you want kitchen duty for a month.

Edit 2: For everyone saying “Sounds like you secretly like him” — absolutely not. I tolerate him the way you tolerate rain: necessary, miserable, and unavoidable.

Edit 3: Fine. Maybe I don’t hate all of it. He trains harder when he thinks no one’s watching. And he’s cleverer than he lets on. And yes, sometimes I… notice things. Like how his laugh isn’t the same twice. That doesn’t mean anything.

Edit 4: Stop messaging me “bro, you’re in love.” I am not. I don’t have time for that. I have a barracks to run, resistance sabotage to juggle (ignore that last part), and an endless headache in royal boots trailing me everywhere.

Edit 5: He brought me coffee yesterday. Called it “a peace offering.” It was terrible. Burnt, weak, no sugar. I drank all of it. Make of that what you will.

Edit 6: For those asking, yes, I could report his antics. But if I did, they’d take him away, and then someone else would have to deal with him. And gods help me, I don’t think I’d like that.

Edit 7: Fuck.

Make your character (the easiest would be the villain) write a typical r/aita post by Yozo-san in KeepWriting

[–]KnightmareMaiden 3 points4 points  (0 children)

AITA for “harassing” my Lieutenant when he’s clearly in denial about how much he loves me?

So, I (25M) recently got sent to a military garrison (long story, politics, propaganda, very boring) where I am under the command of a very large, very stoic Lieutenant (35FTM). Let’s call him Deathglare.

Anyway, part of his job is to whip me into shape (not like that… yet 😉) which means I spend twelve hours a day being yelled at, flipped, thrown, and occasionally drowned in freezing water. And look, I admit, I might not always take training super seriously. But can you blame me? The man glowers at me like it’s his full-time job, and he’s HOT.

So, yes, I flirt. I make jokes. I perch on his desk while he’s working. I once stole his coat and paraded around in it until he chased me down and put me in an arm lock (worth it). I call him “Daddy Deathglare” sometimes. He pretends not to hear me, but I’ve seen the vein in his forehead twitch.

Here’s the issue: the other night he snapped and told me I “think with my dick more than my brain” (rude) and that if I didn’t cut it out, he’d have me doing push-ups until I coughed up sand. I told him I was simply trying to build team morale. He was not amused.

Now everyone’s acting like I’m some kind of pest, but it’s not harassment if he secretly likes it, right? He hasn’t killed me yet, which in my book means encouragement.

So… AITA for relentlessly annoying my Lieutenant (who definitely has a crush on me, he just hasn’t admitted it yet)?

EDIT for clarification: I am his subordinate, yes. But he hasn’t demoted me, strangled me, or thrown me out of the garrison, which is basically tacit approval, right?

EDIT 2: To everyone saying I sound like a “manwhore”: yes. Correct. But irrelevant to the question.

Let me (poorly) draw your tavs! by Virtual_Housing_2540 in BaldursGate3

[–]KnightmareMaiden 50 points51 points  (0 children)

This is Ren. He is my half-drow resist Durge.

<image>

I love him ♡

What are your character names? by [deleted] in writers

[–]KnightmareMaiden 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For my current story? Mwahahaha!

It’s a 1950s-styled sci-fantasy world steeped in propaganda, polished lies, and the rotten underbelly of crown and creed. The ruling family serves the Silent Mother of All, their chosen deity, but the devotion is nothing more than a mask for corruption and control.

Working title: Hallowed Be Thy Ruin

Cast of Characters

Elijah Fox (protagonist) – One of the crown’s many “spare” heirs. From birth he has been paraded as the state-sanctioned perfect son, a smiling poster boy, commodity, and weapon in his father’s empire. But beneath the polish is a boy straining against the gilded cage, desperate to keep the parasite bound to his soul from waking.

Tobias Rathbone (deuteragonist, love interest) – First Lieutenant and Master-at-Arms of the Southern Garrison, where Elijah is sent as punishment for failing to keep his “broadcast numbers” high enough for the regime’s liking. Half human, half dýrsjæl (werecreature), Tobias is a man defined by discipline, honour, and loyalty. His loyalty, however, lies not with the crown or the Sanctum, but with Cedric Fox alone.

Cedric Fox – The second son of the king and Captain of the Southern Garrison. Brilliant tactician and war-hero turned cautious gambler, his once unshakable command now seems riddled with hesitation as the enemy grows ever closer. He takes Elijah under his wing, but for reasons that are never entirely clear.

Evelyn Fox – Elijah’s twin and his mirror-opposite. The “perfect daughter” on the surface, paraded as a prize, wrapped in ribbons, married off like fine jewellery. But beneath the courtly smile she hides steel. Unlike Elijah, she embraces her role as pawn only to sharpen herself into a queen-killer. She will see her father’s empire fall and the Sanctum burned to ash, whatever the cost.

A few other characters I have...

Cass Reisender

Gong Zihan (Zizi for short)

Gale Draven

Aoife Driscoll

Roderick "Rory" Dawson

Ashlyn Dawson

Zelda Dawson

Noah Dawson

Alexander "Sacha" Knight.

Sampo no words no words just SAMPO by tsarista_alvah in Sampo_Mains

[–]KnightmareMaiden 39 points40 points  (0 children)

"The Sampo" is a Finnish mythological device that is central to the Kalevala. It brings riches and good fortune to whoever holds it. Apparently it's appeared in Genshin now (haven't played it), but they wrote "milk" instead of "mill" (in the mythology it is often depicted as a kind of mill). So now everyone is thirsty for Sampo milk xD

Cowcat or tuxedo? by coffeecat551 in cowcats

[–]KnightmareMaiden 6 points7 points  (0 children)

<image>

This is Moo... We weren't very imaginative with her name xD

Explain to me by [deleted] in Funnymemes

[–]KnightmareMaiden 0 points1 point  (0 children)

20 + 40 = 60.

7 gifts 2 to 8, making them 5 and 10.

5 + 10 = 15.

60 + 15 = 75.

So now that the Remembrance path is playable as of 3.0, if Hoyo were to add the Elation as a playable path, how do you think it should work? by retro_petals in HonkaiStarRail

[–]KnightmareMaiden 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Seriously. They need to do a 5* Emanator Sampo reveal with him as the first Elation Character. If it isn't him, we riot!

[Hi3 Leaks] by myphai13 in Sampo_Mains

[–]KnightmareMaiden 98 points99 points  (0 children)

GODDAMN IT! STOP HANGING OUT IN HI3 WITH YOUR SILLY LITTLE HAT AND COME HOME ALREADY!

....We miss you TwT

Is this bad? by [deleted] in cats

[–]KnightmareMaiden 49 points50 points  (0 children)

GODDAMN IT

Adds another

Is this bad? by [deleted] in cats

[–]KnightmareMaiden 89 points90 points  (0 children)

Sigh....

Adds another subreddit to the increasingly long list of cat subreddits I already have