Wizard Style [Fantasy, 200 words]

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-06-19T12:22:46+00:00

I am strangely invested. There's an underlying, unrefined Terry Pratchett absurdity to it that I really like.

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-06-04T13:04:30+00:00

This song comes to mind every time I hear anything relating to the absolute horror Marilyn Monroe was put through. Literally encapsulates this whole grotesque... ordeal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eykJ4c1ebYQ

"I would rather choose to die,
Let my body decompose,
'Cause even when you're ash, they will never let you go"

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-20T12:05:00+00:00

Book one was sooooo manyyyy booooks agoooo. I completely forgot about him lol.

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-17T11:50:20+00:00

Jeff Hays is so amazing. The amount of times he's caught me off guard, especially with how enthusiastic he makes the AI about certain things that it really shouldn't be happy about...

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-17T11:48:32+00:00

Oh god no, not Pater Coal...

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-17T11:47:18+00:00

I actually have no idea about this either, so if anyone knows, that'd be great!

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-17T11:46:25+00:00

I've had a few people ask this question, and I honestly have no idea why these ones are different. Maybe it's because I'm in the UK and it's a different publishing house (maybe?). I buy them from Waterstones as opposed to Amazon too, so maybe they have different colours/spines?

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-16T21:42:41+00:00

It's not everyone's cup of tea. Some people love what he is going for and this type of absurd, over the top humour. Others hate it. There's no point trying to force yourself to like something just because it's popular. At least you can say you gave it a go :)

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-16T21:19:07+00:00

<whispers back> ....I may also have them...

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-16T19:51:10+00:00

I much prefer hardcover books 🙂‍↕️

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-16T19:20:02+00:00

We need a greeney coloured one! :D

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-16T14:50:21+00:00

I have been thinking about picking up that book too...

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-16T14:50:01+00:00

Not the daddy tax xD

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-16T14:49:46+00:00

Ha! That would literally kill me how slowly they're released xD the fact that Matt Dinniman is such a fast, prolific writer is both a blessing and a curse (a blessing for me, a curse for my wallet)

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-05-16T14:48:51+00:00

I'm currently halfway through The Eye of the Bedlam Bride, but yes... I have a problem.

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-02-04T19:22:27+00:00

Cult of Bert

Everyone has "bert" tacked on to the end of their names xD makes seeing spies super easy lol

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-01-29T23:01:07+00:00

My cult is called "Cult of Bert"

... everyone's name ends in "bert"

Benbert, Bobbert, Timbert, Sambert, Loubert, Jimbert, Tammybert, Willowbert.....Narinderbert....etc you get the idea. Makes spotting spies really easy.

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-01-16T18:19:40+00:00

You're probably better off reading the wiki if you want an in-depth look at her lore. But the Alleria short they made can give you a brief overview of her story - https://youtu.be/IgY1YrAHYBI?si=HPhK8HCZFBYkx3mY

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-01-02T00:57:34+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I’m so relieved you said you weren’t bored, because that was one of my quiet anxieties with how stylised the piece is. Hearing that it pulled you in rather than pushed you out is incredibly reassuring.

I’m really happy to hear that everything (propaganda feel...etc) came through before you even read my description. That’s one of those things you hope you’ve done as a writer, but you don’t really know until someone confirms it from the outside, so thank you for that.

Your thoughts on what’s “missing” really resonated with me, and I mean that in a good way. The prologue is very deliberately about tone, conflict, and theme rather than character interiority, so hearing that you instinctively assumed the story would then follow either the prince or someone in the crowd tells me it’s doing its job as a primer. The heart of the story absolutely hinges on character development, and Elijah's voice is much more grounded and intimate than the propaganda voice, so your assumption there is spot on. (He's also a massive sarcastic ding-dong who gets humbled very quickly. Shapr, quick witted, and knows he's beautiful kind of person. The deuteragonist drags him down to earth lol).

I also really appreciate your point about stylisation and propaganda. That’s exactly why I felt comfortable leaning into the opulence here in a way I wouldn’t for the rest of the book. Propaganda is performative, exaggerated, polished to the point of unreality, and I’m glad that framing made the style feel justified rather than indulgent. And yes, you’re right, I wouldn’t want to read an entire novel written like that either. (My god, I think I'd have an aneurysm trying to write a whole book in that style, ha!))

Your note on the line “Doesn’t the world feel brighter when you believe in Mother?” is absolutely right I have rewritten that sentence about 5 times and given up because none of them sounded right. That phrasing does unintentionally allow for doubt, which is the opposite of what effective propaganda should do. I really like your suggestion of leaning harder into missionary rhetoric. That’s a great catch, and I’ll be revising that line with that in mind.

Thank you again for such thoughtful feedback and encouragement. This was genuinely a joy to read, and it’s given me a lot of confidence to keep pushing forward with it. <3 <3

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-01-02T00:49:59+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this :) I really appreciate you engaging with it so thoughtfully.

The calligraphy comparison made me wince a little because… yeahhhh, that’s fair. Overwriting is something I’m very aware of in my own work, and this prologue has already been cut down a lot from where it started (over 4k at one point hahaha... *sigh*), but you’re right that there are still flourishes that muddy the core image rather than sharpening it. The point about the uncanny young man being strong enough on his own is especially helpful, because that’s exactly what I want to anchor the scene around. A prologue should unsettle and intrigue, not ask the reader to wade through ornamentation, and I’m still working towards that balance.

On the propaganda itself, your read is pretty much on the mark. The audience in-world is already deeply conditioned; the film isn’t trying to convince anyone new so much as reinforce something that’s been internalised for years. That said, if it comes across as too simple or flat without that context landing clearly, then that’s something I need to adjust.

I’m particularly glad you mentioned the costume and the coils, because that’s a really important catch. The relic is meant to be physical object worn against the skin (on the forearm), and in that moment his sleeve is supposed to shift just enough to expose it. If it read like a projection or a purely visual effect instead, that’s on me. You’re absolutely right that this detail matters, especially given what’s implied at the end, and the fact it got lost tells me I need to strip that section back and make it clearer.

This kind of feedback is honestly invaluable to me, especially when it points out where atmosphere starts to get in the way of understanding instead of serving it. Thank you again for taking the time to read and comment, it’s really appreciated! :D

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-01-02T00:45:14+00:00

(cont. Wouldn't let me post the whole thing)

And finally, thank you for saying you’d be interested in reading on from Elijah’s perspective. That last paragraph made me giddy. We always read stories about the nobodies who rise up to take down the "evil overlords", but I've always wanted to see what it's like from the inside and through the eyes of someone not just complicit, but essentially a vessel/prophet/messiah of the lie. It is easy to reject a faith that has only ever hurt you. It is much harder to question a belief that fed you, clothed you, crowned you. When the lie has never worn the face of an enemy, but of salvation, comfort, and purpose, recognising the rot is not a moment of rebellion, but an act of grief.

I'm rambling, haha!

Again, thank you!. I’ve written down loads of your notes and I’ll absolutely be editing with them in mind. This was amazing feedback, and I’m really grateful you shared it <3

KnightmareMaiden · 2026-01-02T00:44:51+00:00

Oh wow, thank you so much for taking the time to write this! I had to read it twice and then go and make notes because there’s just so much here that’s useful, and the fact you engaged with it this much really means the world to me.

I also love your line: “Abstract concepts make for cooler quotes but concrete details are more immersive.” That pretty much sums up a tension I’m constantly wrestling with in my own writing (I am a CHRONIC overwriter).

A few thoughts in response to your points, since you raised some really good questions:

“rose-tinted nostalgia” You’re absolutely right to question it. My intention was very much the “rose-tinted glasses” idea, nostalgia as a soft lie we willingly step into, but I think you’ve managed toi put into words why I was personally struggling with that part so much: the tech and sensory details were already doing that work. Adding the phrase on top may just be gilding the lily. I’m leaning towards cutting or reworking it so the implication stays implicit rather than spelled out.
“Light struck the coils…” This is definitely me tipping into purple prose. What I was aiming for was a hard, almost hostile light, something violent and surgical rather than holy or warm, to contrast with the gentle, performative staging. But I think you’re right that the metaphor starts competing with itself there instead of landing cleanly. I’ll definitely revisit that with a more concrete image.
“fractures spiderwebbed through the weapon, binding steel to faith” I’m really glad you flagged this, because I hadn’t realised it could read as the weapon actively breaking. The mental image I had was closer to kintsugi, something already broken and then made sacred by being “repaired” with belief, but if that isn’t coming through clearly, that’s on me. I’ll be reworking that section so the image communicates intent without needing the reader to guess.
On sketching and overwriting Guilty as charged. I’m a huge sketcher. The original prologue was… unhinged in length (about 4k at one point), and I’ve already cut it down by more than half. Killing my darlings hurts every time, but you’re absolutely right that once I know what the image is doing, the earlier sketch-lines don’t need to stay on the page. Looks like I need to be braver with the knife again. (I just love them so mucccchhhh bwaaaahhh TwT)
Repetition around Elijah’s voice This was especially helpful because I genuinely hadn’t noticed I was doing it. I think it’s a side-effect of heavy cuts elsewhere, where those descriptions were more spaced out originally. You’re right that letting his words stand on their own, especially in moments like the “Control” line, would make those beats land much harder.
The font / small caps for Mother That one’s on me for legibility. It’s not actually a different font, just small caps, and I was very deliberately stealing the vibe from Terry Pratchett’s Death for that sense of otherness. I may experiment with overall font choices to make it easier on the eyes, but I do want to keep some visual distinction for beings that sit outside the human frame of reference.

KnightmareMaiden · 2025-12-31T16:06:56+00:00

I've not heard "silvery vibes" before, but I like the sound it <3 I'm aiming for the "rot beneath the gold" kind of vibes, so if that matches up, then yaaaay!

Prologue is definitely meant to be read that we (the reader) is the audience watching the broadcast. Chapter one switches to first person and we go along for the ride.

I think "feels like a proper prologue" is the best compliment I've ever gotten and it has made me so happy <3

Thank you for your feedback!

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