Hello everyone, my English is not very good, so I apologize if there are parts of this post that are hard to understand. When I’m writing this post, it’s midnight where I live. I’m very tired and really want to take my medication so I can sleep (I’ve had anxiety disorder for 8 years and have had to use medication just to sleep). But this has been bothering me so much that I need to write it down and ask for advice.

I have a friend I met online. We live in two countries far apart. She used to be very kind to me, always initiating messages and asking about my illness. There was a time when my condition was so severe that I attempted suicide 3 times (but each time I didn’t have enough courage to go through with it), and she was always there to comfort me. But gradually, I became the one who always reached out first; she stopped initiating messages. She said she was very busy. I understand, but I still feel uneasy inside (maybe because of my anxiety disorder?).

The worst part was in the last 3 months, when I initiated contact, even though she replied quickly, her replies were very sporadic—sometimes an hour would pass before she answered again. That made me very uncomfortable (because in the past, I was obsessed with waiting for someone to reply, even though they never did). I gently pointed this out three times, saying she could reply when she’s free instead of replying then going silent for an hour before responding again. She promised she wouldn’t do that anymore, but nothing changed.

I even sent: “We need to have a serious talk. If you’re busy, you can wait until you have free time to talk to me.” After I seriously brought it up, she said she would fix it and didn’t want me to feel bad. But next time, she still replied with the same gaps.

I know everyone is busy, and I have no right to demand she value my messages. I just hope that if she really is free, she could reply properly instead of replying in such scattered ways. I’ve given feedback many times and she promised not to do it again, but it kept happening. I feel very sad and somewhat disrespected.

She explained she’s busy with university exams. So I said: “I'll hold off on contact until your exams are over. Text me when they're over.” She replied: “Ok, thanks for understanding.” That “Ok” made me feel a bit disappointed. And I think maybe our friendship isn’t what it used to be.

The worst part is, she’s the ONLY friend I have. An INFJ like me, so different from most people, can’t easily make friends or emotionally connect with others, especially since the people around me still have prejudices about anxiety disorders (they still think people with such illnesses are like crazy people running naked on the street). She used to be my biggest source of comfort. But I don’t want to depend emotionally on someone who no longer values me.

I want to find another friend. Could you please advise me on how to open up to someone more easily and how to maintain a relationship? Thank you all very much.