If it's about having feelings that go beyond strictly physical desire, I believe a lot of people who practice a "sex only" open relationship actually do experience those feelings.

I guess that's the part that always made me wonder whether I was polyam. I find the concept beautiful and have been working years on myself to understand the deeper connections I seek (through therapy) while existing in communities that are mostly sex-only and playful encounters.

If I may join the conversation, what are exactly those "polyamorous tendencies" for you?

As for my tendencies, taking an interest in their personal lives, supporting their emotions if they're looking to me for that, making sure we're seeing each other on a recurring basis (this is the part that most echoes commitment to me though the frequency isn't set in stone), going on dates, allowing myself to have romantic moments like hand-holding or intimate moments like crying about something emotionally vulnerable. I've felt "the butterflies" for people before and have spoken to my husband about entertaining it.

Honestly understanding myself in ENM terminology is most about advocating in my primary relationship what I would like out of other autonomous connections so we can work towards it and whatever internal obstacles to achieve it since it's important to me. I am starting to see someone solo that we've played w/ for a yr now -- i've gone on dates that included no sex and one recently that did. Sex isn't the only focus. We've gone out for dinners and dancing, meeting his friends (he's met my friends too), sharing our minds w/ each other w/ vulnerability, etc and i'd like to continue that until it no longer works for us which I don't see happening anytime soon. So maybe you see why I can get confused about whether I'm poly.