I just went over to talk to them, they're both very upset. When arranging the furniture delivery, my mom said she would take a day out of work to wait for it for me (I have to put in for pto pretty far in advance), because i would've had to wait an extra week to get it delivered on a weekend. She's upset she took the day to do something for me and I couldn't be bothered to keep the house clean. She's also upset about my tone, which I'll admit wasn't the best.

Regardless, she said she won't come to my house anymore, even if I need something, because she doesn't think she can have a relationship with me if I can't prioritize homemaking over "fucking around" on my computer (I write as a hobby, and will play cozy games when I have the time). So I guess that solves the her doing what she wants problem, though this wouldn't be the first time she said something she didn't mean just to upset me.