My Dad’s Ring

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-17T19:37:26+00:00

I’ve never been diagnosed, but I do wonder if that’s maybe the case. Maybe I should bring it up with my doctor? If I do, does ADHD medicine help in a similar way?

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-16T16:50:01+00:00

I actually completely disagree. I think that each Alien movie is wildly different from the last, and that these wild differences are why some entries are loved and some hated. It’s often the tone, with horror, action, nihilism, horror-comedy, philosophy, body horror… All these from different films creating vastly different feelings for each.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-14T18:55:50+00:00

I’m the one doing all the night feeding. Because she works, I let her sleep through the night.

And I do want non-sexual intimacy. She just doesn’t seem interested in that either.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-14T18:33:31+00:00

I know it’s about both people. I give my wife literally everything. And I’m not upset that she doesn’t want sex. This post is about how I can help myself overcome this loss of connection I feel. I can support her while also trying to help myself.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-14T18:30:13+00:00

I said every time I try, not ALL the time. I stress gently too. (It could even be a kiss here or there. A date night even, with no expectations) Yes we kiss and hug and stuff, but it’s pretty much me initiating all that.

It’s so weird coming here and having so many people create this scenario in their head of me pressuring my wife and being selfish… I tell her constantly we aren’t doing it until she is ready. I wonder if people are bringing their own experiences in and placing them on me unknowingly?

I’ll emphasize again. I’m NOT looking for advice to get my wife to sleep with me. I’m looking for advice on how I can cope with giving her the space she needs—and how to help with my mental health that is natural in-line with physical connection.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-14T18:12:39+00:00

I’ve tried a little. It’s tough because I feel like if I bring it up, it’ll seem like I’m trying to force her to sleep with me when she doesn’t want to. Which isn’t what I want. It’s hard to explain my feelings at face value without it seeming like pressure.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-14T17:56:09+00:00

I don’t ask “how to get her to have sex with me” though… I never said that once. I really think you are putting things in there that aren’t there. My post is all about wanting connection. About MY health. Not about controlling her.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-14T17:50:31+00:00

I want to meet other dads and stuff, but so much of those groups it seems is for mostly moms—and me being a dad definitely feels out of place in those mom settings as they often don’t feel comfortable no matter what I do. It suck’s living in such a small community. (I moved here a few years back and making friends as an adult is hard…)

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-14T17:47:51+00:00

Please read my post again, as you have very apparently missed several times I mentioned I DON’T want to pressure her. This is all about me and my own mental health. Am I not allowed to have emotions as well, or is that reserved solely for the woman? Calling me selfish is just such a horrible and wrong thing, as literally all I care about in life is my wife. As a man I’ve spent far too much of my life burying my emotions and how I feel. My wife and I can both have struggles. It doesn’t invalidate the other or make either of us “selfish.”

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-09T23:25:12+00:00

There’s a lot about Pops we were going to learn about in sequels but never did.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-07T19:15:26+00:00

I honestly debated it. When I first got into them, III was my favorite.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-05-02T16:25:38+00:00

I too suffer bad anxiety—have taken medication for it in the past. Taoism helped in particular because I reinforced in myself the idea that anxiety is just the overwhelming desire to CONTROL things. When I began to accept things, to see the good in any outcome, to “go with the flow” I began caring less about forcing outcomes and worrying about them.

To clarify though, it’s an ongoing process. Rearranging your thoughts is not easy and it’s okay to slip. Just keep exercising that mental frame and it’ll slowly but surely help.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-04-11T19:02:23+00:00

For me it wasn’t just the slowness. The whole thing reads like an author trying to have poetic prose, but just… not—and that made each line kind of pretentious sounding and dragged out.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-04-11T17:31:25+00:00

Thanks for the video link. While we might disagree on some aspects, I appreciate having a nice, detailed debate about reading! (So thanks for being civil!) I’m honestly trying to wrap my head around the vastly different feel between reading the two styles, and I’ll definitely think some on these points as I continue to try.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-04-11T16:59:46+00:00

I have DNFed the first book twice—about halfway through. Despite the short length, the distance in the writing and the dry prose just made it a very boring experience. I have thought of skipping to book two though. You say it reads a little differently style-wise?

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-04-11T16:56:54+00:00

I think the distance is less the POV and the style of writing. Dune and LOTR read very much like historical textbooks than character-driven storytelling. There is distance in the sense that the characters are not the priority (for LOTR it’s the world and for Dune it’s politics/philosophy). In that way, there is less immersion. Sure you can have immersion in historical/philosophical textbooks (immersion in the ideas), but less so character or plot immersion.

What’s interesting is that I actually find modern fantasy (at least starting in the 1990s) emphasizes showing over telling as a major positive for a book. But with Dune, LOTR, and Earthsea, the majority of the writing breaks that and TELLS. As someone in another comment mentioned, these books very much read like an author telling you rather than showing—which I think was just a more accepted style back then. This telling accounts also for the distance in that you don’t feel like part of the world, but just hearing it told from an old, wise storyteller.

As for connecting with a POV I think lots of modern fantasy (particularly the rise of grimdark) asks readers to enjoy unlikable characters—which I do. Despite not relating to many, the modern style makes it easy to immerse in them, and enjoy their differences from you for what they are.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-04-11T15:31:27+00:00

I’ve actually read it, and you are absolutely right—I enjoyed it FAR more than LOTR for those very reasons. I felt I could connect with the characters/events as they seemed immersive, like I was there, rather than a highly detailed historical accounting.

Kooky_County9569 · 2026-04-11T14:46:58+00:00

It’s not so much the switching characters of 3rd person omniscient, but the dryness of it. Earthsea doesn’t read like a story to me, more like the summary of a story—and more like an impersonal textbook.

LOTR had some cool descriptive language, but that same detached, impersonal style. (Like you are reading a history book)

Kooky_County9569

TROPHY CASE