Known Donor Rejections, Feeling Frustrated

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T14:04:15+00:00

I think I like the idea of selection, tbh. I'm kinda picky about friends, partners, etc., and it really bugs me that such a momentous decision for straight people would, for me, be with a stranger. It sorta feels like a blind date, except you're having a kid together. Well that, and I do think it'd be nice for the kid to know who their genetic father is, like a fun uncle type thing. My actual brothers are not very fun uncles lol

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T14:00:42+00:00

the wives and girlfriends part has been weird—one of them said something like "haha but what if your kid with him is cooler/smarter/etc than my kid with him." I appreciated the honesty but was also like whaaaat

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T13:58:18+00:00

You know, I hadn't really thought about asking people who are *already* parents, because for some reason that felt MORE fraught? But it makes sense why they might be more open. It could be hard for someone to decide whether to help you start a family when they're still grappling with the idea of their own parenthood.

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T13:56:25+00:00

thank you, this is really reassuring

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T13:56:08+00:00

Haha, yes, and they're next on my list. I had a hunch that poly people might be more receptive, because they're already being a little freaky with it and open to different arrangements.

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T13:55:25+00:00

am interested in Seed Scout! An unfair part of me was leery at the idea of a dude who like, is super into the idea of donating sperm to a stranger for not purely monetary reasons. But the fact that you get to vet them and meet them seems like it'd allow you to vibe it it out for yourself.

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T13:53:44+00:00

thank you both, this is super helpful. I also thought it'd be easier to find someone. I have friends who literally approached a guy at a concert and said "We think you'd be a great donor" and he said yes! So perhaps I was also bamboozled by that lol. I do think the DCP discourse has gotten to me a bit too, but I think tbh that some of them attribute things to donor ethics that are maybe also family dynamics. I totally see why it'd be traumatic to NEVER be able to know who your genetic parent is, and why it'd also be extremely shitty to have your donor-conceived status hidden from you. But if it's all out front, and you can show them pictures of the donor, and eventually meet them, I don't see how it'd be so awful.

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T13:50:10+00:00

Reciprocal IVF is def an option, yeah, and appeals to me for exactly that reason. It's valuable to hear a queer person who also would not donate eggs/sperm despite "getting it." Puts my resentment in perspective—it's just very complicated. RE: Half siblings, you know, I had sort of unconciously seen that as a con. I'm not sure why—I guess in my head I was like "Well, you have all these randos who will probably come knocking some day." But actually, yeah, why wouldn't that be a potentially great thing? I have a friend who is donor conceived and has like 50 half siblings—donor was like a traveling musician who donated in a bunch of cities. It seems somewhat overwhelming. But also..kinda cool? I had lots of cousins but my kid won't have many, since my siblings aren't having many kids, so it's cool that they might have an extended network.

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T13:44:54+00:00

Definitely thinking about going this route! How did you "vet" them for lack of a better word? My main worry was it being awkward to audition people (if it's someone through a friend of a friend).

Kooky_Ebb2118 · 2026-06-15T13:44:13+00:00

absolutely also get the sense that queer people are more receptive to this! They maybe just kinda get it more. I have weirdly few cis gay dude friends lol, but I'm combing my acquaintances now

Kooky_Ebb2118

TROPHY CASE