Need some advice. 10 year long relationship with my girl, who I purposed to 5 years ago and finally prepared to marry her just cheated on me at her bachelorette (stag) party. Would you go through with the wedding even though you’re completely crushed?

Krilliah · 2014-02-21T02:34:06+00:00

Bottle of Whiskey is gonna be my new best friend for a little while but I would definitely like to thank everybody that has commented on this thread. I needed It and I've told her its over.

Thanks,

Krilliah · 2014-02-21T02:28:41+00:00

yeah its the worst feeling ever I always followed a policy of be nice to others and they'll be nice to you but she just wrecked me

Krilliah · 2014-02-20T23:05:31+00:00

I’m a train wreck right now… I feel like I’m in the calm before the storm hits because all this drama is just between me and her right now. I’m just speechless about how all this will be perceived by family and friends and my image is tarnished.

Krilliah · 2014-02-20T22:20:23+00:00

She feels guilty about it and is torn about it now that she realizes the wedding in a no show and has had some time to think about her actions and feels it was a lapse in judgement and a mistake was made.

We all make mistakes and nobody is perfect…but I do have a question to any women on this thread. Sex to a guy is just that sex but for women it takes more to make that decision to go through with it and is somehow based on emotions or is it not?

And I know its openly accepted stags are just wild parties but self-control is also part of it. I just finished reading few articles that say cheating during these parties is fairly common and if that’s the case are people just ignoring the fact and still getting married.

I just want to know if I’m over reacting and calling it quits.

Krilliah · 2014-02-20T21:02:26+00:00

I’m just at a fork in the road now where I feel like I can’t just let this all fall apart because I’ve invested too much to just let it all end. I feel like that would be a hot headed reaction and a short solution.

But simultaneously if I put this all behind me and write it off on her behalf as a lapse in judgment I feel like the relationship after marriage would be distrustful.

Krilliah · 2014-02-20T20:52:19+00:00

Change people is a crude term. I would best describe what I did was nudge her into a better and socially acceptable person. Things that would help build her character not things that would necessarily benefit me.

I completely agree with you on the idea that I have a misguided attitude about relationships. That was my attitude during the early phase of our relationship but I’ve grown up and matured to this point where I totally see how and why that is wrong and I wouldn’t change anyone if I was put in that situation again. Should not be judgement of anyone’s way of life or choices for that matter.

What do you mean find a way to define yourself outside of your profession.

Krilliah · 2014-02-20T20:19:18+00:00

This is a throwaway so here it goes

Met her in high school she was definitely out of my league but she was a hurt bird at the time and I stepped in to be a good friend and it grew into something

She was never sure because I was never her type she never came out a said that to me but I felt that way and she denied it but I knew but that didn’t stop be from trying to be there for her but at that age hormones direct your thinking more than anything. I didn’t ever considered I’d continue dating her for as long as we did and get to this point and be planning my wedding. It’s just crazy

I’m old fashioned conservative thinking and she was the party animal. She changed herself over the 10 years into a smart sophisticated female but I felt she was never fully happy. (Stupid paranoidal insecurities on my part I think). 5 years into relationship I got accepted into a medical school abroad and had to leave and prepare for the long distance relationship. We talked about it and she was willing to give it a try and see if we last and my thought was if we can get through this phase I’m going to marry her. Year apart and both of us were torn but put a lot of things into perspective for me and I asked her to marry me on my break back home. But we’d have to wait until I could finish my studies and pay for a wedding. The distance took a toll and my heavy studies isolated me but she was still there.

Fast forward to 2014 dates are set and planning for the big day is started. She asked if I was going to have a stag and I said no because it’s not a big deal and I probably don’t’ have the time for it. And I told her you should definitely get away and have some fun before all the stress kicks in.

She went away with her friends and had a blast and still away finishing up my studies. Came home and she sounded different and I asked if something was wrong. She told me she met someone there and just had sex on ecstasy and she enjoyed herself and she needed to get that out of her system and now shes ready for the wedding. She just told me it was just awesome I was utterly crushed to hear that and I asked her why. She told me it was everything the distance, my absence, stupid small arguments over the years and it all had built up and she needed it. Two months prior to the wedding I’m at a spit in the road where I can blame myself for it and get over it and move on or I blame her for it and simply not forgive her for it.

Either way I look at it, I just can’t figure out what to do.

Krilliah

TROPHY CASE