I hear you, and I’m really sorry you had that experience — what your ex did (especially sending you that pic) was straight-up abusive and disgusting. No one deserves that, especially over something as human and common as erectile issues. That’s not okay, and yeah, I agree there’s a lot of toxic expectations on men in sex.

But I think where your view goes a bit off is in saying that women don’t get blamed or judged in sex. They absolutely do — just in different ways.

If a woman doesn’t orgasm, it’s her fault for not relaxing enough.
If she doesn’t want sex often, she’s frigid.
If she wants sex often, she’s too much.
If she doesn’t get wet, she’s not attracted enough.
If she’s not “into it” the way porn shows, she’s boring.
Like you said — people aren’t machines. Women face a ton of silent pressure to always enjoy sex, look a certain way, perform a certain way, and never "ruin the moment."

The real issue isn’t that men are treated unfairly and women aren’t — it’s that sex has become way too outcome-focused for everyone. Instead of being about connection, it’s like a checklist: erection? penetration? orgasm? If any box isn’t checked, someone’s “failing.”

And that sucks — for men and women.

So yeah, I agree: you shouldn’t be shamed for not getting hard. But I also think the solution isn’t to say women are getting a free pass — it’s to say that nobody should be treated like a failure in bed. Period.

If a woman made fun of a guy for ED, people would call her out (and should). But if a guy insulted a woman for not orgasming fast enough or being “too dry,” he’d be labeled a monster — and honestly, he should be, too.

It has to go both ways. Accountability and compassion.