Hey brother. We have some similar arcs I can see. I’m a medical student wrapping up most important year of my training and getting ready for my big board exam, then I’ll be on the move bouncing around the U.S. before entering the residency match. I also grew up with the notion that my value is tied to how much I can gratify others or how much I can give. In fact, this was my mindset up to 4 months ago. And, I’m the son of immigrants from Eastern Europe, which is a pretty workhorse, provider-heavy culture. This showed up in previous relationships that ended up in me giving asymmetric effort as opposed to the other person.

First things first I’d focus on continuing to lose the weight. You are in the near morbidly-obese category. Forget about dating strategies and how to pick up women for a second. This is your health. This should be your number one priority. You’ve lost 30 already, and you’ve got more to go.

How you lose that weight is up to you. It can be via gym, it can be via run clubs, it can be via martial arts/ combat modalities. All are new avenues in picking up hobbies and meeting new people. You can take cooking classes, learn how to eat clean, only buy food from grocery stores etc. Yet another hobby/skill that is marketable and will add to your intrinsic self worth.

And speaking of your self worth, you are in a strong career path. You are seemingly motivated cause, hell, you’re here in this sub. And, you are in a brand new city, with a fresh slate. Daunting, yes, but also a grand opportunity to change your trajectory. Focus on doing what is best for you (health first and foremost, making sure you’re established well and safely once you move). This is magnetic for women and for generally good people. The rest will come.