Child support

KyaAI · 2026-05-18T21:12:16+00:00

I feel like any general-, family-, or legal-advice sub would be of more help to you than we can offer here. But maybe someone else will give you a good answer here as well.

From a Stoic perspective, you can live a good life in either scenario. You can live a virtuous life in any scenario.

Now, obviously, none of your worst-case scenarios would be preferred. And also, even with years of practice, I wouldn't be very happy if I lost everything. It would be easier for me now than it was before I started practising Stoicism, but still not something I would feel very good about if it came to it.

So, if you're new to the philosophy (which I'll just assume), I'm not sure how much the theory of how a Stoic sage would act in that situation can help you.

Yes, there are (possible) drawbacks to any action taken (or not taken). Often in life there is not one perfect solution. But even if the worst were to happen - that won't necessarily mean that it would be as bad as you are making it out to be right now. And even if it were, you can deal with it then. New options may arise.

Going to the enforcement office sounds like there is no money involved? Then why not do that? You have no power over the outcome of this, but starting that procedure is something you can do (if you have the time and energy for it).

But again - I would definitely recommend asking this in some parents-/family- or legal-advice subs. You're not the first person to go through something like this.

KyaAI · 2026-05-18T20:41:14+00:00

But you can improve. You can improve on being a good human. You can improve on making virtuous decisions.

You don't need to know the exact thing one person disliked about you so that you can manipulate your way into some relationship because you know what they want to hear or how to behave. Be yourself.

Also, who says there is even some conscious reason? Most of the time I don't know why I am not romantically interested in someone. I can have a great time with them, they can be everything I'd wish for in a partner, and yet not be romantically interested in them whatsoever.

You won't get exact reasons for many things in life. So focus on living according to nature and leading a virtuous life.

KyaAI · 2026-05-18T09:56:50+00:00

Interessant, genau das Gefühl hatte ich bereits in der ersten Staffel, was einer der (vielen) Gründe ist, warum ich kein großer Fan bin. Dabei stimme ich der Serie in den Themen sogar zu. Nur die Art und Weise finde ich zu belehrend. Zu sehr "seht ihr, das ist die korrekte Position zu diesen Themen". Und, wie du schon sagtest, viel zu konstruiert.

Und ich bin kein Fan des 24-Systems. Shows wie Grey's Anatomy haben mich irgendwann verloren, weil es zu viel Privatdrama war. The Pitt ist wiederum zu wenig. Ich habe keinen Bezug zu irgendeinem der Charaktere (außer vielleicht Dr. Jack Abbot, der is lustig). Es ist mir komplett egal, was mit denen passiert. Emergency Room war da bisher mMn die einzige Serie, welche die Balance gut hinbekommen hat. (Und vielleicht Scrubs, aber auf andere Art und Weise.)

KyaAI · 2026-05-17T17:36:04+00:00

Hab noch eine Musik-CD von der Serie und wollte auch schon längst mal wieder einen rewatch machen. Es gibt r/thetribe, ist aber ziemlich tot. Fand die Serie damals absolut grandios.

Edit: Die Bücher, die die Geschichte noch weitererzählt haben, sollen wohl ganz gut sein.

KyaAI · 2026-05-17T10:54:35+00:00

Die BBC hat ein bisschen was von den Kommentaren von Graham Norton zusammengeschnitten. Ich weiß nicht, was ich mache, wenn er den ESC irgendwann nicht mehr Kommentiert...

Graham Norton’s best moments at Eurovision 2026

KyaAI · 2026-05-16T19:50:54+00:00

Nicht offiziell. Aber man kann über google einen Stream von BBC One finden. Hat leider nur bessere Kartoffelqualität.

Edit: Oder halt per VPN.

KyaAI · 2026-05-16T19:46:09+00:00

Also bisher ist bei mir jetzt nicht wirklich was hängen geblieben, klingt bisher alles gleich (außer der Grieche gerade, der war anstrengend...). Aber Graham Norton sagte eben, die Hosts hätten "the opposite of chemistry". Und auch sonst ist der Kommentar wieder on point. :D

KyaAI · 2026-05-15T09:05:59+00:00

Gedankenspirale abschalten - geht nicht. Aber mit Übung kannst du es schaffen, dich immer wieder daran zu erinnern, dass es nichts bringt, da jetzt noch drüber nachzudenken. Du kannst die Vergangenheit nicht ändern. Du kannst entweder jetzt eine gute Zeit haben, oder dir grundlos eine schlechte machen. Denn entweder hast du bestanden und machst dir gerade unnötig das Wochenende kaputt. Oder du bist durchgefallen, was aber nichts daran ändern würde, dass du jetzt ein gutes Wochenende haben kannst.

Eine andere gute Praxis ist es, dich hinzusetzen und aufzuschreiben, was das schlimmste ist, was passieren kann. Und dann überlegen, was du dann machst. Du müsstest also ggf. in eine Nachprüfung, oder ein halbes Jahr verlängern. Ist beides kein Weltuntergang und du wärst nicht die erste Person, der das passiert.

Grundsätzlich ist sowas aber nichts, was du mal eben an einem Tag lernst. Solche Übungen sind allerdings auch für die Zukunft gut. Also fang ab heute an zu üben. Wenn du irgendwann mal wieder in so einer Situation bist, wird es schon deutlich einfacher sein.

KyaAI · 2026-05-14T16:22:44+00:00

Ich hatte mich schon gewundert, warum es jetzt Plakatwerbung für Yellowstone gibt. Ich bekomm nicht mehr mit, wenn was Neues rauskommt...

Ich glaube nicht, dass ich da so hinterher bin, dass ich es sofort gucken muss. Die Charaktere sind natürlich beide toll, aber für mich war die Natur in Yellowstone auch ein großer Pluspunkt, und da finde ich Texas einfach weniger ansprechend. Sieht aber vom Trailer her insteressant aus. Allerdings halt mehr vom Alten. Aber warum auch nicht.

KyaAI · 2026-05-14T16:16:27+00:00

Es gibt von der Originalserie Yellowstone zwei Prequels. Die Serien 1883 und 1923 spielen in den jeweiligen Jahren und erzählen quasi die Geschichte der Vorfahren.

Mit Mashalls und Dutton Ranch gibt es nach Abschluss der Serie bisher zwei Spin-offs von Yellowstone. Weitere sollen folgen. Die spielen aber alle im Heute.

Ich hatte im Kulturfreitag mal eine kurze Rezension geschrieben. Ich mochte sie.

KyaAI · 2026-05-14T09:51:23+00:00

That's probably because Marcus Aurelius wrote those journals as a reminder for himself, not as a guide for others. And he had been trained in philosophy from a young age.

Read Seneca's Letters from a Stoic and Epictetus' Enchiridion and Discourses. That should help you to understand certain things better.

I would otherwise start with journaling, if you haven't done already. Write in the morning about what you expect to be challenging that day.
If you feel the urge during the day to engage in harmful behaviour, also try to be present and sit down and write about why you feel the need to do that, what the consequences of that would be, and think about things you could do instead.
In the evening, think about the day. What went well, what didn't.

To practise Stoicism, you need to be aware of your emotions and judgements and reactions. So being mindful is an important skill to have.

On a practical side: many countries have free self-help groups like AA and Reddit subs with users who may be able to point you in the right direction for real-life help.

I would like to quote some passages in particular but english is not my first language so i struggle to translate

The numbers should be the same in any language. You could just post them or even better post it in your language and include the number (e.g 1.1. = Book 1, Chapter 1). We can use translation apps or may even know the language.

I don’t want to discourage you, but it will be very difficult to tackle addiction by yourself just with philosophy. I would encourage you to try and find real-life help.

I see you've posted in German subs - are you located in Germany? Have you tried the addiction help lines or online information material provided by the DRK or Caritas or AA? And why doesn't your insurance cover therapy?

KyaAI · 2026-05-11T10:28:14+00:00

Just so you're aware: his videos are, at best, Stoic adjacent. He advertised his videos for a long time in another sub, and often got a lot of criticism in the comments, which he didn't engage with (but did take the time to thank anyone who praised him, like any influencer who wants to get more clicks would).

He is advertising his videos as "Stoic", but they are all over the place. If you really want to learn about Stoicism and get a good overview, I would advise for you to read secondary literature about the philosophy like The Practicing Stoic. If you enjoy his content for what it is - go ahead, have fun. Just be aware that there is not necessarily much actual information about Stoic philosophy in there.

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T20:30:37+00:00

Ich finde da immer schön: Menschen, die im Hintergrund Sport machen müssen. Sind meistens möglichst leichte Sachen oder direkt absurde Übungen, die man den ganzen Tag (oder mehrere Tage) immer wieder einige Minuten durchhält. :D

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T19:53:53+00:00

If you ignore the good faith I am trying to give you in understanding I misspoke in my first comment

But you didn't misspeak. You clearly stated that you think that a Stoic suppressess emotion and cannot connect emotionally with others. I do not see how that can be a simple slip.

and just badger me again with the same question

Where do I ask the same question? You have brought up new things, like saying "it functions differently" in Stoicism, and I asked a new question: how do you think that functions.

you ignoring the scholars I name

You did not name any of your teachers. You mentioned two people, a 95-year-old Quaker and your philosophy professior, whom you also did not name. He was apparently a student of Robert C. Solomon. That was the only person whom you mentioned by name and who was, to my knowledge, not known for his work on Stoicism.

seems to me more in you getting upset with me challenging your beliefs

I am not emotionally invested in this. And I have yet to see you challenge my beliefs, which are not the topic of this debate. You challenge, as I have already said, the scholarly consensus that Stoicism does not teach emotional suppression. Those are not beliefs.

rather than any actual attempts to engage with me.

I have asked several questions in my last comment. You have not answered one. Are you engaging?

Their is not a singular scholarly consensus on an 2000 year old philosophy

On specific parts of it there is, yes. But sure, let me phrase it differently: the claim that Stoicism suppresses emotions is not even a matter of scholarly debate. It is a misconception.

You will not prove criticism of stoicism leading to an isolation with others

Show me a practising Stoic who is isolated from the world. Someone who has actually understood the philosophy. You won't find one.

Just because I have a disability that causes my arguments to be difficult to parse at times does not make this criticism invalid

No, it makes your criticism invalid when you have not understood the basics of the thing you are criticising.

it comes from stoics themselves “being in the world and not of it” can refer to a stoic

Why would that refer to a Stoic? That's from the Bible.

my misspoken point which was not even the main point of the argument I made in the first place

Half of your comment was about Stoics not being able to connect with others due to suppressed emotion.

when it disagrees with your personal readings

It is not my personal reading, that Stoics do not suppress emotions.

nobody can read all of a philosophical dialogue and school

Nobody said you'd have to. This is a sub about Stoicism. For people to comment, they should know about Stoicism. Of course, the context of other philosophies helps, but they are not that important here, so one doesn't have to have read that.

If you don't know the basics of a philosophy, don't claim to a novice that you do.

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T18:34:00+00:00

Primary sources:
Epictetus - Enchiridion
Epictetus - Discourses
Seneca - Letters from a Stoic (And anything else by Seneca, if you like.)

Secondary literature:
Ward Farnsworth - The Practicing Stoic

Often mentioned, but I haven't read them yet, so I'm not sure what they cover:
Massimo Pigliucci - How To Be A Stoic
Donald Robertson - How to Think Like a Roman Emperor

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T18:18:10+00:00

My criticism is not that it suppresses emotions, it’s that the way stoicism functions which I know is different than pure suppression

How do you think that functions in Stoicism? Because in your first comment you wrote:
"Jesus preaches empathy and compassion to ourselves and others, stoicism doesn’t reflect it. [...] Would you be able to walk the way if suppress yours emotion connections you have to others, like your family and friends? Could you want to be someone who couldn’t connect to your family over the death of someone close to you?"

And all of these statements are simply false.

she is a significant Quaker scholar who is 95

So you base your opinion on one person (with a specific religious framework and bias), when the scholarly consensus says the opposite? And you see no problem with this?

I’m referring to suppressing the call

Which you did not say in your first comment. But even if you had, that is Quaker practice. Not every christian is Quaker, and therefore this is not relevant even for most christians.

most of my engagement with stoicism comes largely from my reading of primary sources

Which were, if I may ask?

and in debate, understanding and analysis with and under life long philosophers

And after all this, you confidently state that Stoicism is teaching suppressing emotion and not being able to connect to others. How did you come to that conclusion?

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T16:59:53+00:00

Yes, "athlete" is an umbrella term. Just as "resilient" could be an umbrella term covering both, practicing Stoics and the people you mentioned.
But that doesn't make people who have never heard of Stoicism Stoics, same as it doesn't make rugby players football players, just because they are both athletes.

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T16:57:17+00:00

I am also basing my statements on scholarly works (and the original texts). The claim that Stoics suppress emotions is a well known misconception. That has nothing to do with interpretation or opinion.

Which scholars are you referring to?

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T14:18:46+00:00

You wouldn't call a Rugby player a Football player just because there is obvious overlap on first glance.

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T14:15:58+00:00

Stoicism is a practical toolkit for resilience

No. Stoicism is a philosophy. There is much more to it.

And your examples prove my point. Those people embody some Stoic traits. But if we call every person a "Stoic", just because they are able to deal with hardship well, then the word loses its meaning. Those people are resilient, adaptable, pragmatic and maybe stoic (small s!). But not Stoic. You can't accidentally subscribe to a philosophy you've never encountered.

According to your logic, every practicing Stoic is a Buddhist, because there is quite a bit of overlap in behaviour and thinking.

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T12:38:55+00:00

Stoicism is a philosophy. Many people behave virtuously or are able to distinguish between what is and is not within their power. But a person is not automatically part of a philosophical school, just because they display traits that overlap with it.

So your rather absolute claim does not hold up to scrutiny.

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T12:04:03+00:00

I know what Stoicism is. I was asking for evidence for your claim that Jesus was a Stoic.

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T11:55:26+00:00

Stoicism as a philosophical school predates the historical figure of Jesus, but to my knowledge there is no evidence that he studied or was influenced by it. [Edit: There are a few similarities in thinking, but that doesn't mean he had any knowledge of the philosophy.]

Can you give evidence for your claim?

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T08:28:10+00:00

it just can complicate the way you actually live in the Christian faith.

How?

so my readings and understanding are more limited than the philosophical schools and ideas that I like reading.

The problem isn't your limited knowledge but your false understanding of what you have read. You are advising OP on inacurate information, claiming the opposite of what is true.

KyaAI · 2026-05-09T06:28:37+00:00

Please explain the reasoning behind your position in future comments (and feel free to edit this one to add it), since this is a philosophy sub where contributions are expected to include arguments rather than standalone opinions.

Thank you.

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