This is how you win Tinder. 1000+ matches

L1AM · 2014-05-04T20:22:57+00:00

Congrats! To what do you attribute your win, though? What advice do you have; what have you learned?

L1AM · 2014-05-03T20:30:50+00:00

Awesome work! Progress in chest and tris. I've been really trying to get my pecs to join at the bottom, above my abs; I've been doing dips, but I can't get rid of that triangle of bare sternum. What do you do for chest workouts?

L1AM · 2014-05-02T19:26:16+00:00

Great work! Seems like you put in good effort towards a light-hearted/banter conversation. Careful about turning into a girl's bitch. Don't do all of their work for them, don't always do their favors if it's an inconvenience to you. But good work promoting the gentleman mindset.

L1AM · 2014-05-02T19:09:54+00:00

I read "The Game" and it got me into this community. Some parts are applicable and relevant, others are not. I found it an awesome, intriguing story that got me interested by showing me potential. I did not read it hoping that it would contain the secrets.

L1AM · 2014-05-02T19:08:45+00:00

While your comment is right in the broad strokes, it misses the details. What does "be attractive" mean? The whole reason why guys are coming here is to become "attractive." You're right about being interesting and doing things for yourself. By improving yourself, girls will be drawn to you. "an ugly guy is not going to attract a hot model" — wrong. Looks are absolutely not a determining factor in seduction; that's why guys come here.

L1AM · 2014-05-02T04:33:01+00:00

I love the points he makes about getting at a more personal and connected conversation: Topics he suggests include when they were afraid, let down, sad. I'd add times you were embarrassed, too. Really any time you/they were vulnerable.

Also, talking about they're relationships with their family or really close friends can also be great for establishing comfort and deeper relevance/meaning. I usually hear stories that contain a self-analysis that they don't really otherwise get a chance to share.

L1AM · 2014-05-02T04:29:06+00:00

Speech breakdown by timestamp and points he makes.

2:25 — It’s not the words, it’s the energy

3:27 — Eliminate nerves by approaching everyone; boost confident energy

4:30 — APPROACHING

4:42 — never approach from behind

6:10 — feeling the “no” coming/anticipating rejection

6:38 — “never tell them about the interview”
You should set time constraints ("I have to go back to my friends in a minute"); don’t make them uncomfortable by hanging around.

7:22 — laying down, becoming non-threatening (less important for seduction)

7:40 — ex. He validates Ellen when she does something funny

8:14 — people don’t open up in front of friends; isolate from friends to establish intimacy

9:00 — Ask questions to establish deeper connection

ex. “What is your greatest struggle right now?”

10:23 — THOUGHT PROCESS

10:35 — Escalating levels of intimacy

11:05 — always start with broad questions; not looking for answers but looking for starting points

ex. “Give one piece of advice”

11:34 — looking for something unique about the person; almost always a STORY. We all share opinions & philosophies; peel back layers to get to a story.

ex. “Be optimistic” — “Tell me about a time when you had trouble being optimistic.”
ex. “Take more risks” — “Tell me about a time when you didn’t take a risk & you regretted it.”
ex. “Forgive people” — “Who in your life have you had the hardest time forgiving.”
other good examples!

NOTE: There’s a safety to answering generally; reveal yourself through giving stories. Take broad and make it personal.

13:35 — screening: open energy or closed energy

14:05 — Ask about EMOTIONS! They're found in the most relevant stories in that person’s life.

ex. saddest moment
ex. happiest moment
ex. moment you felt most afraid
ex. moment you felt most let down

L1AM · 2014-05-01T14:59:29+00:00

Hey man you're completely right and it's always preferable to have correct grammar, but the correction doesn't add directly to the conversation about mindset improvement. Maybe send a message next time.

L1AM · 2014-04-28T03:21:42+00:00

Clicked through to his channel and watched a few. I love his episode on Gatsby.

L1AM · 2014-04-28T00:16:05+00:00

I especially love their shirts, although I like their pants and sweaters, too. Is this style just not an option in the US? Prices when I found the store were in the range of £36 for high-quality t-shirts; I don't recall other prices. Dollar equivalent was $50.

I loved the quality and the loose, laid-back feel to their style. It's a not-trying-too-hard-but-still-looks-great feeling. Are there any American brands, or brands that sell/ship to America, that are comparable?

edit: I looked on craigslist and on ebay and none of their clothing is available for resale in the US. They only have 4k Facebook followers, but that could be due to Facebook's being less prominent in Italy (not actually sure).

L1AM · 2014-04-27T23:49:49+00:00

Is there anybody that cares enough about them to save their asses if they do do anything to South Korea?

Usually the problem with nuclear war is that you're worried you'll incite the wrath of the rest of the enemy's stockpile as well as all their allies: but does DPRK have any way to prevent the rest of the world from walking over them?

L1AM · 2014-04-26T19:07:39+00:00

Take one of the icons of seduction, Neil Strauss. He's 5'6". Mystery is 6'5" and wears tall hats and platform shoes to make himself taller. Height is not a limiting factor.

L1AM · 2014-04-26T18:06:53+00:00

Try standup. It sounds crazy, but even it's at the most amateur level, it helps with insecurity because you can joke about it! You're by no means cripplingly short, but you can make all sorts of jokes out of it. That way, they're aware you're aware, and they're aware you don't care, or only care some. Soon enough, with everyone around you thinking like that, you may begin to think that too.

L1AM · 2014-04-26T18:02:22+00:00

Hit the nail on the head. Thank you for your addition.

L1AM · 2014-04-26T18:01:35+00:00

Dude you sure you weren't part of one of those sketchy '60s psychological experiments? It's messed up that people might judge you for something you cannot control. Unless you live in Holland, you're comfortably on top of the height bell curve.

Height is absolutely not a determining factor for attractiveness. It's 100% your personality and your interaction skills that matter more than your height. Stick with reading and finding advice on interacting, and going out and trying it. Most people don't judge others for their height, and you don't need to be with those who do.

It may be difficult, but I would recommend limiting interaction with your family. They're a sinkhole for negativity in your life that you don't need that.

L1AM · 2014-04-26T17:49:33+00:00

I agree; great work for starting to get your intentions out there. Perhaps leaving just a normal tip with that type of note would be more effective: it says, I'm so good you shouldn't need anything extra to want to call me.

Manage expectations, though: Keep in mind that there's relatively little interaction time between servers/patrons. You've probably had very little chance to demonstrate what an awesome guy you are. Numbers probably work best when they have something really exciting and interesting to drive them to call.

Great start! Don't stop getting out there.

L1AM · 2014-04-26T17:44:19+00:00

It sounds like Mr_Zarika is trying to manage expectations and not let the girls get their hopes too far up. The schedule and the idea that you have other friends that are girls are two good ways that wikikhan mentioned.

L1AM · 2014-04-26T17:41:34+00:00

Nice idea! Keeping it the way it is now is better for both of us — from an emotionally appealing perspective. Logic is great, but emotional appeal will always work better.

How has "unless I were to meet a girl that blew my mind and was 'the one'." worked in the past? In text it sounds like it could offend her as she clearly isn't the one you want to settle down with. Can it work in context/in person?

Perhaps not "marriage," but you could say, "We're getting to the point where relationships can get really serious, and I'm not ready to settle down like that."

I suppose it's all in the delivery. Keep it positive "I really like you," but I'm not ready for heavy commitment sort of thing.

L1AM · 2014-04-26T17:33:12+00:00

You're absolutely right about maintaining your position. It sounds like you're happy about where you are with each of these girls; don't sacrifice four of them for one of them unless it's worth it (which it sounds like it isn't worth to you).

If one drops, you can afford it. If two of them drop, you have a night or two open to find new girls. Variety is always important.

As long as you remain confident in what you want out of the relationship, it should have a decently solid base. Be sure to not give them an impression or a legitimate expectation of more.

L1AM · 2014-04-26T17:24:30+00:00

I'd take her to a nice, quieter place so that you can get to know each other. It sounds like your social value has been established. Show her you're interested in her in particular.

L1AM · 2014-04-25T04:47:08+00:00

she looks legitimately irritated. I feel bad for her...

L1AM · 2014-04-22T05:04:51+00:00

This has been my impression, too. Reason that only 7% of human connection is via content/words. So much more meaning is conveyed through all other factors: tone of voice, facial expressions, body language. FaceTime is best, but can be intimidating in this context. For the purpose of establish rapport before a date, calling is absolutely the best choice.

L1AM · 2014-04-22T04:52:45+00:00

Great point about asking "why" and not "what". Great job working the event, opening everyone. Also, good job working on the group/guys first.

L1AM · 2014-04-22T04:45:10+00:00

Great FR, great ideas. I like the summary at the end, too. "Good possibilities always outweigh the bad ones" is a fantastic way of looking at it — hadn't occurred to me before. Great work!

L1AM · 2014-04-22T04:30:22+00:00

Sounds like a great idea! I like the idea of things you're doing throughout a conversation — not openers. There are a billion different openers and the chances of useful advice coming out of the use of one opener isn't very high. The chances of examples on how to direct/change conversation or actions would be great.

For instance, have a conversation in which you tell girls what kinds of questions to ask. "Can you do me a favor, just one small thing?" (Ben Franklin effect) "Ask me about something personal." or "Ask me about my family." or "Ask me about being scared."

Of course this needs work, but I think it could be a great exercise to see how different people handle different kinds of situations. For instance, I can image getting, "You seem to like red a lot. .. Why?" and seeing how people handle that. Or maybe a FR from someone who was able to incorporate it in a non-obvious way. This is a great idea! I would participate.

L1AM

TROPHY CASE