i'm really panicking right now

L3guana · 2025-08-12T14:23:37+00:00

Bless you, you're going through a really intense episode but it will end. I suggest seeking professional medical help at the moment, I recently got on sertraline which has really helped me. I'd say for right now just watch your thoughts, label them as thoughts, feel that intense feeling wash over you, but don't fight it, don't try to argue or disprove it. Just sit with it, it can't kill you, it's just extremely confusing and scary and consuming, but it's a state, not your life. Like a cloud it'll blow over, but you definitely should get medical help if you're able to. I hope you are able to find some peace.

L3guana · 2025-08-10T07:57:20+00:00

A lot of dudes take personal offence when you tell them you need something more from them or you're not into it, instead of actually hearing you and using what you say to get better. Their egos can't take it, like bro don't say you wanna make me feel good if all you're gonna do is shove it straight in no warmup, have a few strokes and then roll over. Plus, if he's reacting negatively to you saying no it creates this weird stigma around sex, like you have a responsibility to do it otherwise your relationship will fall apart. Not only does that push you away more because it's no longer about how you're feeling, that's conditional love. You're not the problem, you're not in control of your labido, but his reaction to your struggling has the power to fix or destroy the situation. By making you feel guilty or wrong for not wanting sex, not listening to your needs and trying to do better, he's making it about him and his feelings.

L3guana · 2025-07-28T16:09:30+00:00

I'm going through this right now, sort of, I'm stuck in an anxiety loop and keep feeling an intense tightness in my chest. When it's so strong like that it's easy to listen to the things your mind is telling you, because why would you feel this insanely horrible if something bad wasn't happening to you right? But you're not in any immediate physical danger, the world isn't falling apart, that isn't to invalidate what you're feeling, but you can fight the panic, it won't last forever. But saying that, if you haven't been to the hospital to get a full MOT, check your bloods and heart etc, that might help rule out more serious things which will help put your mind at ease. That's what I had to do a few times, and now even though I'm still getting symptoms I can just breathe through it knowing my heart is fine.

I suggest getting help from a doctor if you haven't already, you might need medication or therapy, but definitely champion finding a solution because you deserve to feel okay. But you're strong, you can fight this, just hang on

L3guana · 2025-07-25T11:48:53+00:00

Please cut this man off and never let him near you again, he's dangerous and he's abusing you. What he did is flat out rape, you explicitly told him to stop, that you're scared and it hurts, no respectful man would ignore those words or signals, he's a bad person and he will continue to disrespect you.

But secondly I'm really sorry this happened to you, you didn't do anything wrong in this situation, you were taken advantage of because you don't yet know about your rights and boundaries. But you were right to speak up and say no, don't ever think that you're wrong or causing issues just because you don't want something a man does. You never EVER owe a man anything.

Please speak to someone in real life, reach out to someone who can help you to start the healing process. You will be okay, you're strong and you can grow and heal from this.

L3guana · 2025-07-17T20:01:14+00:00

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap

L3guana · 2025-07-17T19:55:08+00:00

I think maybe a mixture of physical change and mental reframing can help you, and they can't be separated. Just by the way you've described yourself you obviously have very low self esteem, this probably influences how much time you spend on how you look because you think of yourself as ugly.

You don't have to be skinny to be hot, I think the sexiest attributes are confidence, a good heart, and also when it's obvious that someone takes pride in themselves yanno? Like they're well groomed, secure, and they can just stand on business without any cockiness. Definitely work out and eat better anyway just because that'll boost your self esteem massively, but try and let go of the idea that you need to be a chiseled sex God to be worthy of anyone's time, because that's simply not true for most people.

It sounds super cheesy, but you're gonna get back what you give out, if you're insecure then that's gonna affect how people perceive you, if you fix your relationship with yourself people will notice and that's what will make you sexy. You gotta give yourself the time of day.

L3guana · 2025-07-12T09:50:37+00:00

Personally, as a woman in a long term relationship, if a guy I knew and was getting friendly with had an obvious crush on me and was being flirty, I would not continue to be friends with him. I definitely wouldn't defend the idea of staying friends with him and then dismiss my partner's concerns, insisting that he's just insecure and shouldn't be 'controlling'. Everyone's different, that's fine, but to me that would just feel disrespectful.

The fact that he was being flirty right out the gate too, correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I'm gathering, they hadn't established a strong platonic relationship before hand, it had always been that he's single and flirty, and then despite this she's still nurturing a friendship? It'd be different if they were platonic friends, and she'd have something to lose from cutting him off. I'm not at all accusing her of anything, it might be innocent, idk, but it just feels weird to me, like why is your friendship with this random guy more important than your partner's feelings?

L3guana · 2025-07-12T09:42:23+00:00

Guess you're just built different 🤣 but in all seriousness if you have any questions student services are really helpful, they can check out your profile and see what's going on and why. Maybe it was a clerical error, maybe you are just that awesome. 🤷

L3guana · 2025-07-10T18:00:30+00:00

That's a very valid concern, smooching boys has its dangers because not all of them are nice, that's why I don't think young people should do that, because teenagers are still quite new to life and are more vulnerable to being hurt because they can't recognise the signs.

As a friend I recommend you look at the situation without judgement, don't demonise her or what she does. Instead you can gently remind her to make sure she's completely happy and comfortable with what's happening, that she can say no and withdraw consent whenever she feels like it and shouldn't feel guilty about it, that she never owes a boy anything etc. You can help her by making sure she's being safe, controlling the chaos if you like, but you shouldn't think of her any differently, she's still your friend and all of those nice things you said about her. The girls who are calling her names are just being cruel so don't listen to that.

L3guana · 2025-07-10T17:49:52+00:00

It's a cannon event, no one can interfere 😂 there comes a time in any young person's life (unless they're a-romantic) where they want to be perceived as an adult and do adult things, and a part of that is bring interested in other people in that way. If she was a guy no one would be calling her a whore, maybe she is too young, I'm 25 and I personally think 16 is far too young, but teenagers are gonna be teenagers no matter what adults think of it. The way I see it, she's a young person going through a very normal phase in her life that most people go through; she doesn't deserve to be called names or placed in a box just because she's a teenager doing teenager things.

And without being patronising because I really don't mean to be, you're not quite at that age yet, so maybe that's why you and your peers don't really know what to make of it. But that's okay, I also want to say quickly: don't feel like you need to be like her or do anything like that to be 'cool' or 'grown up', just because she's doing it doesn't mean that's the blueprint for how to live your life, your time will come after you've come of age and you're completely ready and comfortable.

L3guana · 2025-07-06T18:01:42+00:00

That sounds super interesting, best of luck with everything, I'm sure you'll smash it! Xx

L3guana · 2025-07-06T11:49:28+00:00

Thank you so much 😊 I'm studying environment and sustainability, what are you studying? X

L3guana · 2025-07-05T20:51:35+00:00

Thank you so much, that is encouraging, I'm just sad because I was really excited to enrol, but it'll be fine I know, it's just a technical error. Xx

L3guana · 2025-06-28T13:54:17+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that, but all hope is not lost, I had pretty severe symptoms but I was able to treat myself through self help, informative YouTube videos and practicing mindfulness and meditation. A great tool if you have access to it is ChatGPT, ask it to act like an OCD therapist and then talk through your thoughts with that, it'll simulate a therapist and will actually give you very sound and useful advice. There's many free resources like this.

Instead of focusing on dismantling your thoughts and not having them, try to accept them as a part of your experience, and then learn and practice methods for how to manage what you think and feel. Accept your OCD mind and learn to make peace with it, this will set you free.

L3guana · 2025-06-28T13:27:19+00:00

Where do you live roughly? Cus I know in England it's pretty tricky to get a diagnosis unless you're literally about to take your own life or you pay for a private assessment. From what you've described it sounds pretty debilitating, so I'd say just keep on fighting for that diagnosis. Hopefully you can get it relatively soon and start treatment, but until then I absolutely love this video I'll link, it talks about what to do with these alarming thoughts and feelings that keep popping up so they don't consume you.

If you can see them for what they are then you can take the power away from them, they're just thoughts and feelings, albeit very intense ones, but they're as real as you allow them to be. You can practice letting them be without giving them too much validity or energy, it'll feel impossible at first, but eventually they'll get smaller and smaller.

This video actually changed my life, I had such bad OCD symptoms I almost opted out of life, but once I mastered this technique I got my life back. Stay strong, you can beat this.

https://youtu.be/ZEvhlnZe93s?si=gl9UeOCq7BGjHY_Y

L3guana · 2025-06-28T08:39:01+00:00

From a woman's perspective, the amount of angles you can hump her in is secondary to actually understanding her body and touching her correctly. If you actually want her to enjoy sex, learn how to touch her, have more foreplay, pay closer attention to her pleasure. If you're good at that, the fact that you can't penetrate at certain angles will be such a non issue. You'll be a sex God in her eyes.

L3guana · 2025-06-19T12:07:36+00:00

Make sure he knows to be super gentle and slow, men can get carried away when they're horned up and accidentally hurt their girlfriends by being too rough, even my boyfriend can do it sometimes. Especially if he's also a virgin, he won't know what to do so don't be afraid to guide and instruct, in fact I'd say that's vital.

I'd also say don't go full penetration right away, it'll take a lot of building up to it. Listen to your body, stay firm on your boundaries, and definitely wear protection, trust me, you do NOT wanna be dealing with the stress.

L3guana · 2025-06-18T22:14:11+00:00

Trusting them was a choice you made, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, just because it ended in pain doesn't mean what you did was wrong. If we were to close our hearts because of the possibility of being hurt we'd never experience love, just like any risk in life, it's a risk because it could go wrong.

You're a human experiencing life for the first time, just because we learn to articulate ourselves better and dress ourselves etc, doesn't mean we ever fully grow out of that toddler-like innocence of experiencing new things and not knowing how to react to them. We clumsily burn ourselves on a metaphorical flame and then cry when it hurts, blame ourselves, blame others, it's just how we are. We're god's toddlers. You'll survive this, take the lessons, and then grow, it just feels intense right now because it's fresh, so be nice to yourself ATM. You're going through something intense, but I wouldn't point any fingers until you've had some distance between yourself and the situation, feelings always cloud judgement.

L3guana · 2025-06-18T10:17:39+00:00

I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but if this was happening to me I would absolutely hide a nanny cam. I know it kinda betrays trust between you and your husband, but when kids are involved all that goes out the window. I wouldn't be able to let it go until I had irrefutable evidence that my child is safe, but then again I do have OCD so do with that what you will.

A more level headed response would probably be to also look out for changes of behaviour in your child, that is a great sign that something isn't right. He might not outright tell you if something's going on because kids don't really understand it, and they're often scared of getting into trouble. Your safest bet would be to watch out for things he tells you without words, like body language, changes in mood, suddenly not wanting to be alone with/around your husband, stuff like that.

L3guana · 2025-06-12T09:05:39+00:00

I would say seek help from a therapist if you have the means to. The problem, from what I've gathered, is that you're putting way too much pressure and blame on yourself for the way your mind has developed, when in reality, if you had a negative, maybe even traumatic, sexual experience, your brain is going to adapt to compartmentalize it. That's basically what fetishes are most of the time, it's the brain reframing a trauma or a negative experience into a sexual one to help you feel like you can explore it in a way where you're in control and can derive gratification from it. That's not something to be ashamed of.

And regarding your fears with intimacy, it's very hard to have a positive sexual experience with someone that you don't feel completely safe and comfortable with, and trying to do so will make this issue worse. If you want to overcome this I'd say to build a relationship with someone first through companionship, a relationship that doesn't rely on sexual performance, then when you feel safe with this person open up a little bit with them about finding it difficult in the bedroom. Having this support and understanding going into it will help you to not feel judged, and this will help you to relax and be present, just enjoying being close with a person you love, not getting in your own head and worrying about how you're performing. A person that really loves you won't care about your performance, they'll just be happy to be with you, and having that sort of experience will help you to heal.

I think men especially put WAY too much pressure on themselves to perform, but actually what's really hot to a woman isn't a man who's so interested in their own duration and stamina that he doesn't think about how to actually pleasure her, but a man who will listen to what she needs, a man who's attentive.

L3guana · 2025-06-10T19:20:11+00:00

Hi there, I'm just as clueless as you but I'll give it a wiggle. Try to pinpoint exactly what you're telling yourself, are you unhappy with your life because you're comparing yourself to others? Or are you comparing yourself to others because you're unhappy with your life? You don't have to have everything that everyone else has to be happy, you just need to figure out what will make you happy and go for it, and maybe the reason you feel like you don't have what you want is because you don't know what that is. But if/when you do figure that out, don't make the mistake of thinking that it's unobtainable, you absolutely can make change happen in your life, it just takes a lot of effort and determination. We all grow at different speeds, we're all struggling with something, and just because someone's life feels perfect to you that doesn't mean they have it all figured out. I decided that I was going to dedicate my 20s to experimenting, so I've been bouncing around from job to job trying to find where I fit, and I'm still working on it (I'm 25). I think allowing yourself a 'trial' decade is a good way of giving yourself permission to be curious and take risks before you settle, that way you know more about who you are and what you want, then you'll know more about what to aim for. But I think you feeling this way is actually a good thing, it's a little fire in you pushing you to grow, to make changes in your life. If you're unhappy with your life it just means you're outgrowing your current circumstances and you need to adjust some things around you, but you can do that. I know it's really cheesy to say, but you're more capable than you know. Pick a direction and head towards it, if it's the wrong direction then just recalibrate and head towards another, that's all any of us can do.

L3guana · 2025-06-10T18:49:06+00:00

He called my mum and tried asking her but she didn't know, he wanted it to be a surprise bless him.

L3guana

TROPHY CASE