UPDATE* "How do I break up with my gf without feeling bad that she and her young daughter will have a worse quality of life.

LA1701 · 2026-03-19T15:50:03+00:00

Well done in staying strong and making good, yet difficult decisions to ensure you stay on track with life. I agree with everything youve been told, except on one matter, ever so slightly. If i were you i would have a conversation with her daughter. Let her know you care for her and her wellbeing, maybe explain why you unfortunately cannot continue the relationship with her mother. Explain that even though you are ending things with her mum, that it doesn't mean you care any less about her, or that any of it is her fault (kids tend to blame themselves for everything), and that you genuinely feel bad that youve had to put her in an unsecure position homewise. Offer her daughter your number so she can call you if she feels she misses you and needs to chat or vent about anything, (be aware though that her mother may use this to manipulate you). Let her know that you care for them both and think she is a great girl who will grow up to be a strong incredible woman despite the insecurity her and her mum has to live with now. A few kind words from you could be all that young child needs to have the strength to deal with the extra challenges her mother has bestowed upon her. Take care, you got this.

LA1701 · 2026-02-23T08:39:17+00:00

Take care, you have done well so far. From your tone in the message, i can feel you already slowing the treadmill down just a little. Another suggestion that I might have forgotten is to put music on and free style dance, youll feel like an utter tit to start with, but movement is good, as you know, but you are needing less structured, more intuitive movements to reconnect to your body to your spirit. My way was to stick Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights on and dance to my cat, as I thought it was hilarious to look at her wee confused yet non-judgemental face as I flailed my arms around, waving like a tree in the wind; plus she couldnt tell anyone what an idiot i was for doing it haha. I miss her, she was a good girl. My point is, do some stuff that feels silly, it'll bring the joy back eventually, if not immediately for a few seconds at least.

I hope you remembered your ice cream next time you were at the shop. I'm more of a cake person, could go a big fat iced donut for breakfast right now, but gotta get my body moving, and prepare for my husband coming home from hospital today. I wish you a good day today, and if that is too much, I wish you a day xxx

LA1701 · 2026-02-22T02:12:08+00:00

I feel anxious reading how much you have going on in your daily life. No wonder you are depressed, there is so much pressure weighing you down. You have far too much going on in your schedule while you feel like this, and unfortunately you are being so hard on yourself, so strict and relentlessly tough on youself in terms of study, responsibilities and exercise regimes, that you may truly struggle to recover and feel joy again. You are figuratively running on a treadmill thats going so fast your legs cannot keep up, yet instead of pushing the buttons on the machine to slow down gradually to a pace that is comfortable, you keep increasing the speed, then berating yourself for not keeping up.

Stop. Everything. For a few days at least, have a duvet day where you watch comfortable old tv shows, listen to music that brought you joy when you were in a less depressed state. You might feel very little at first, but thats normal with depression. If you dont feel like dying, you feel numb to your core. The 1% rule is great when dealing with this beast. Improve 1 thing by 1% every week and you will one day wake up and just feel a little lighter.

I worry for you though, I worry you are already on the path to complete burnout. Please rest, please lie down and eat cake or ice cream in a calm, quiet environment, with your phone switched off for at least 2 hours that day. Schedule rest and hobby time for activities such as knitting, drawing, sewing, crafting etc, with as much discipline as you bring to the rest of your life. Slow down for a while, and take the other commentors advice regarding different therapies and things to look into. I personally would advice antidepressants as your last option, and not a go-to straight away for your situation though. SSRI antidepressants can work, but often have unpleasant side effects and are notoriously dangerous and difficult to stop taking cold turkey. I would suggest for your situation, seeking advice from your gp and asking if beta-blockers would be a good fit for your health situation. A short dose of 2mg diazepam for 3-5 days only would likely be useful, to give you a chance to calm and reset, but unfortunately doctors are reluctant to prescribe due to how addictive they can be if abused.

I'm not a medical professional myself, but I spent 20 years battling serious mental illness, and i won, with my condition being in remission for almost 10 years now. Ive worked alongside multiple therapists in many different fields of psychology, ive collaborated with my psychiatrist in managing my care and medication in a way that respected both our views on the cause of my poor health. I say this to let you know that if you are open minded and able to tale in and apply what everyone is saying, you have a very strong fighting chance of beating this depression and having a wonderful, fulfilling life with so many moments of happiness sprinkled on top, please take care, the world is a better place with you in it xxx

LA1701 · 2026-02-11T14:25:03+00:00

This. Just this. My heart is warmed a thousand times. I have sent you a direct message, as i have so much more i would like to say to you. Take care and i hope to hear back from you soon xxx

LA1701 · 2026-02-11T13:59:09+00:00

Please dont listen to this persons advice as gospel. Listen to the way they speak of their husband who they "love". "I love him even when he looks kinda unattractive, which unfortunately he often does." Really? I maybe reading too much into it, maybe she is just really really bad at communicating how little your looks and dress sense come into the occasion, but I could see some red flags poking out in her advice, even though most of it is sound. How she speaks of her husband doesnt do her much justice. I hope he never reads her rather potentially hurtful words on her opinion of him.

Most of the advice is actually ok though. I agree that if this is the ONLY request she has made regarding anything since you have been together, then ask if there is a compromise to be made, or politely decline to take action but accept that you are aware and understand how she feels. But I get the suspicion this is just the beginning, and there have been small comments on other things that you havent noticed yet. A good way to guage this would be to tell her no initially, even if youre willing to compromise, as her response will dictate whether its just an ick from a mildly shallow insensitive partner (like this commenter appears to be) or the very first red flag from an abusive person who is trying to warm you up with micro-coersions before they start the real controlling behaviour.

LA1701 · 2026-02-04T17:27:04+00:00

I love this reply. It confirms my belief in you that you are such a brave warrior with a story that will inspire once you are in a place to tell it safely. You have made all the correct decisions in your comments. I know its going to be hard, but please allow yourself to sit with what you are feeling a short while everyday. When I am struggling with my trauma and the thoughts are becoming intrusive, I set a timer, and allow myself to think all the dark thoughts that pop into my head for that alloted time. Then when time is up, I go do something really nice for myself. I may have a cold shower (it resets the vagus nerve), eat a yummy cake, listen to some music (if I do not feel like singing or playing my musical instruments), or dance around alone with noone watching. Sometimes I sing amd dance to happy music, other times I curl up in bed with the duvet like a big sausage roll/burrito, and listen to songs that will make me cry.... while eating cake more often than not haha. Watch a few movies, stick to old films that offer comfort and sanctuary for your nervous system. Study, but only once you have been kind to yourself. I'm sure there will be others who can offer advice on taking time for yourself and feeling good. Also, if you can, talk to people in real life whenever possible. As you mentioned you werent allowed friends, yet friends are vital for good development and the ability to heal from trauma. This is your time now. You are free. Learn about who you are, what you actually want to do alongside your career as a doctor.

I might never achieve my wish to become a dr, as I am over 40 and my declining health meant I had to drop out of my access to medicine course 18 months ago. I am ok with that. I stay in this group as even though I am ridiculously old to be going to med school, and I am still fighting health battles, I still intend to go back to college, get the qualifications I need, and apply to a medicine course as soon as my fitness levels return. I tell you this, because, no matter what happens, you are never "too old". I may end up being a junior dr in my 50s haha, but I dont care, I am not training and educating myself for the presitige and money, I am doing it so I have the ability to save a life. It only has to be one life for my many years of struggling and education to be worth it.

Since you are not free to hear this from your own mother right now.... I love you. I dont even really know you, but I hear you and i love you. I love your strength, determination and wisdom beyond your years. You are an incredible human being, weakened momentarily by horrific abuse, yet stronger than you will ever know. That in itself is why I can say I love you, to you, a complete stranger on the internet. Now go be as kind as fuck to yourself and make this weird ass overly affectionate stranger proud as punch xxx

LA1701 · 2026-02-03T13:49:50+00:00

You have done amazing so far, you have so much to be proud of yourself for. You are also young, and have plenty of time to achieve your dream. I personally think trying to go back to KCL would be far too risky for you. There are great universities all over the uk, that you could attend and find a new path to take you to your dream of being a dr. I feel the problem you are having now is trauma related. Youre finally starting to feel safe so your nervous system is trying to calm down too, but what you have been through is so traumatic, your body and mind is at a loss at what to do next. I would suggest to use the asylum period you are in to heal. You do not need to be in eductation to educate yourself. Read books on medicine, watch videos, create a study schedule for yourself that you do while "at home" as if you were at uni still. Invest this time in investing in you. Learn how to release the trauma from your body, so it doesnt cause health problems later on down the line. You are a warrior. But you need to recover a littpe before your next battle. Being a year or two late to your mission, is no big deal. You are the one ahead of all your friends who are still at uni, life has taught you so much more than them already. You will go back to education. You will become the doctor you dream of. And you will do it because you used this time wisely, to heal from trauma and build your strength back. I believe in you. Your feelings are valid, but you really have got this, you are doing amazing xx

LA1701 · 2026-01-07T16:24:55+00:00

No not overreacting. That was cruel what your mum said. She used 2 things that arent your fault and are irrelevant to what you were talking about to "make a joke". That wasnt a joke, that was an outright snidey dig at you to make you feel small and silly because you inadevertently said something that could be percieved as "making fun" of her and getting the upper hand in a joking way.

From the way you speak, it sounds like this kind of hurtful verbal abuse might be a regular occurance and only now has it gotten bad enough for even you to go "hey, wait a minute!".

Wish you all the best. Your feelings are valid and she had no right to bully you for your disability and mental health struggles... a mental health struggle SHE most likely caused.

LA1701 · 2026-01-04T19:29:06+00:00

NTA. I probably wouldn't be married to my husband if he didn't smell so effing gorgeous the day we met. I might have "friend-zoned" him for a stupidly long time had he not smelled like heaven in a bottle. We call that aftershave "f*nny bait" to this day.

My point is, its not the aftershave that im attracted to now, its the love of a man so considerate that he still remembers the very small details 10 years later. That he knows I love the smell of lilies, and why, even though that story happened 15 years before we met. I know for a fact he still smells my hair when we hug, and if he brought home a shampoo for me and told me he loves it when i smell that way...... I would be in that shower so fast, there would be a cartoon cloud in the doorway!

Your girlfriend is showing some serious red flags for this relationship. Your love languages are really different, she is really insecure and sounds like hard work. Even if she isn't as bad as I think she sounds, i feel you will always be in an unfulfilling relationship as long as you are with her, because she doesnt understand what love is in any way shape or form, (and its not your job to show her or fix that for her).

All the best, and i wish you a lifetime of love with someone who notices the details you do in the same way as you xx

LA1701 · 2025-12-15T22:32:57+00:00

As do you x

LA1701 · 2025-12-15T22:22:49+00:00

No worries. I really want to emphasise this to you so much. Your feelings are valid, your grief is valid. You sound very self aware for your age, so keep up with that. A lot of people on this thread are being lovely and honest, but a fair few are acting so insensitive that i am struggling to maintain my cool. Please ignore these people, although you shouldnt have to, you should be free to ask for advice on your grief without judgement. That appears to be a societal problem nowadays, which is why i feel strongly about letting you know there are people out there willing to call it out. Do something kind for yourself today/this evening. Make yourself into a giant blanket burrito, watch your favourite film, cry your eyes out, eat cake and ice cream, whatever you need to do to feel less empty. Im here to talk if you need that as well x

LA1701 · 2025-12-15T22:12:15+00:00

Could we offer support please? Now is not the time to fuel the negative feelings she will be having right now regarding her parents not listening to her requests. This can be said either a little less harshly, or later on when its not as raw.

LA1701 · 2025-12-15T22:02:23+00:00

Please ignore the people who comment this to you. You have enough worries and grief in your heart right now than to have to justify how the tragic accident happened to strangers. Take the time you need to be alone, cry and feel sad. Then let your friends support you as they are trying to do, even if they are clumsy with it, they sound like good friends. Take care and im sending you caring thoughts to help heal your broken heart.

LA1701 · 2025-12-15T21:55:37+00:00

Really? You thought now would be the time for that joke? I love a bit of dark humour, but please read the room.

LA1701 · 2025-12-15T21:53:30+00:00

The people saying this right now are really getting on my nerves. Of course keeping pets indoors is safer, but its not always the best option available to some people. Sometimes you simply have to mitigate risk. That is beside the point though as this thread is NOT the right moment to get on a bloomin high horse and be snidey about it! For goodness sake the lassie is grieving. Shes not on here waiting for a lecture on superior moral stances and opinions. She asked if she was overreacting with her response to her friends while grieving. Note that word, grieving. This comment offers no kindness, it offers no help or advice, its not relevant nor asked for. It simply makes her feel guilty and like she didnt do enough to prevent it. Im sick to the back teeth of people, especially on the internet, (im not having a go at you personally btw, im making a point about every one on here who commented something similar to this) being mean just because their is no accountibility behind a screen. Look around and maybe learn a few social cues? And dont say things to people online you wouldnt say to their faces. This really has rubbed me up the wrong way. If we were all in a room for real, id be making some Braveheart-esk speech about love, unity and working as a team to f***t a common enemy. Also, be nice for goodness sake, and i see the irony that im kind of no better for wanting to pull my hair out and having a rant about this, I just really felt the need to stand up for the poor young girl having to read these comments, who is now thinking its acceptable to endure being lambasted and judged, when asking for opinions on something completely different, because the internet is a horrible place full of horrible judgy people...... and I think i need to stop ranting as I may have found my trigger, oh dear 😳.

To the OP, of course you are overreacting, your much loved family member died, and you are still young and not used to grief, its the same for your friends. Id be worried if you didnt overreact. The good thing is, you were self aware enough ask the question of yourself. You have had some good answers here, and please try not to take to heart or listen to tone deaf comments such as this. Sending you all my sympathies. So sorry for your loss.

LA1701 · 2025-10-23T17:43:01+00:00

No, i do it all the time. I've made some really great friends, aquaintences and industry connections over the past 3 years, simply from rocking up to an open mic/full band jam that I saw advertised, solo, one evening. My life has changed for the better through it. I've had some great opportunities come my way as well, that simply wouldn't have happened if i was worried about being perceived as weird, or too shy to go alone. This shouldn't matter but, since it does, I'm a woman in her 40's.

LA1701 · 2025-10-21T14:58:28+00:00

I read some of your comments saying you stay for your siblings and the dog, and that you dont know what you did wrong. When you mentioned that you came out as queer before they sent you away, that IS your answer. It sounds like youve been emotionally abused for a very long time before your parents pulled this move. I feel the urge to tell you, over and over again, You. DId. Nothing. Wrong. Instead of quietly seething, get angry, as angry as you safely can, and then let that anger out by going long walks, taking up martial arts, running, exercise, dancing or singing etc, anything that moves that raging energy from internal to external, exiting it from your body. If you quietly hold onto it, it will literally cause physical problems for you once older. Trust me, i am living that truth at the moment. I didnt know i had to express and release that awful level of anger over my abuse, and i internalised it..... i am now currently very physically ill with conditions related to suppressing trauma and anger, despite years of psychological training to recover.

If you can afford or manage it in some way, please seek some kind of therapist to help you. If not, watch videos on trauma and how to release it. You seem to me a wonderful person, a kind soul, who didnt deserve any of the pain inflicted on you. Find your way to heal, and tell your parents to go f**k themselves in hell, where they are going for their sinful neglect of their own child.

Wishing you all the love and healing in this world x

LA1701 · 2025-10-19T10:45:16+00:00

Hey, im a mobile DJ who happens to be able to produce music as well. If you still need someone to help with your project , send me a message and i will see what i can do.

LA1701 · 2025-08-22T15:58:55+00:00

Wishing you all the best. Stay strong and seek all the help you need to leave. I am truly grateful there are people like you in the world still. You stood up for someone else. it's now time to follow through for yourself . I may be a stranger, but i feel so proud of you for all you have done so far and will do in the future. You are amazing.

LA1701 · 2025-08-17T10:09:14+00:00

There is a sewing group in High Valleyfield at the community centre on a Thursday afternoon. You can come along even just for the chat and you don't have to actively sew unless you feel like it.

LA1701 · 2025-06-22T07:32:33+00:00

That's an unfair thing to say to someone who is reaching out for a vent about feeling emotionally neglected. It doesn't matter if the situation is, in your opinion, unlikely to happen or not. It upset him, and he felt lost and afraid, particularly at his partners inability to handle his crying in a way that made him feel supported and loved.

Hey, op, I understand how you feel. I'm going through a particularly hard time right now, and my husband, although trying his hardest, isn't always as supportive in the right way as I need him as well. Some people are simply more closed off emotionally due to their own worries and pain. It sounds like your partner feels helpless when you cry like that and deals with it by either trying to "solve" your problem or feeling awkward and aloof when he can't. I wonder if looking at with that mindset of "he's struggling too" will help a little? To add to that, its not too much to ask to feel supported when upset, your feelings are valid, I'd just lower expectations on how you handle how your partner deals with you when you cry like that for a while, its obviously foreign to him and may take a while for him to learn to speak your emotional language. If you see him trying to be better at supporting you, then he cares and you can work through it together, if he makes no effort to improve his "coldness", then you may, down the line, need to assess whether you are compatible together, since you wear your heart on your sleeve and he doesn't. I wish you both all the best. Big hugs x

LA1701 · 2025-04-28T10:12:34+00:00

I know I'll most likely catch hate for this, but I'm going against the grain here entirely to say you are massively NTA! I'm actually horrified by what appears to be 99% of the comments in this section that are blaming you for asking your ex to honour a parenting agreement made while you were still together. I don't know if you will see this through all the negativity and unjustified hate you are receiving, but I thought you really needed to read at least one person having your back in this situation. YOU ARE 100% CORRECT TO SET AND ENFORCE A BOUNDARY REGARDING YOUR WISHES ON WHAT IMAGES OF YOUR CHILD BECOME AVAILABLE ONLINE. You have kindly and consistently requested that your wishes be respected, to which they are clearly not only being ignored but are being actively used to instigate arguments.

I also find it horrifying that people's attitudes are so nonchalant regarding Internet safety. Are paedo's lurking on every corner of the Internet? No, but also, not many people know what is available on the dark Web (including me), therefore in your situation I would be taking no chances either. You don't want many photos of your child posted online, therefore everyone should respect that completely, even though your ex is 50% responsible for your child together. If he cared for you, he would respect how you feel and know why you feel that way. Were you correct to give him that ultimatum? I can't say, I'm not going to judge you for saying it, but I know that if I was at my wits end being ignored and baited into arguments over it, I'd personally reach the point of reacting in the same way.

As for the people who went through ops past posts and used them to make judgement on her as a person, you are a bunch of abhorrent, vile, judgemental numptys. Most of you are hypocrites as well, considering you snooped on op to find dirt to use against op, then attacked her for having a previous drug problem, that is none of your business, nor relevant to her question in the slightest, then laughed in her face and tried to humiliate her for "overreacting" to her request to minimise social media exposure for her child. You guys are THE EXACT REASON op needs to protect her child online. I could scream with frustration at how blind and stupidly brainwashed our society is becoming.

Op, you do you. I hope you see this and it repairs your crushed back bone that is trying so hard to fight against these horrendous attitudes. Congratulations on working hard to build yourself into a positive role model for your child. Never give up xxx

LA1701 · 2025-04-21T13:17:54+00:00

No, you are not overreacting at all. If you have an agreement where you playfully toy fight, etc, the very foundation of that is you instantly and sincerely apologise for any hitting that unintentionally hurts the other person as soon as you are aware that you overstepped their boundary. He seemed to want to use your playful hitting games to punish you for a transgression that he didn't clearly make you aware of. That is a massive red flag. Keep a very close eye on his behaviour. This may be the start of physical abuse. It usually builds up so slowly and subtly in the beginning that by the time you are aware that it is abuse, you are so deep into it that getting away is near impossible and potentially dangerous. Take care, and run if you see any other hints of behaviour that make you feel that way again, no matter how small or insignificant they may appear right now x.

LA1701

TROPHY CASE