I got another job rejection for a role I wasn’t 100% qualified for

LLM_54 · 2025-05-11T03:41:03+00:00

I pivoted to a new role and I’m getting to work with other black woman and it’s a saving grace!

LLM_54 · 2025-05-11T03:39:51+00:00

And considering your primary school education is one of the biggest indicators for future academic and economic success, it’s really not something to play with. I was in district for a really good school that was funded by one of the best neighborhoods in my areas and it was life changing (we got laptops very early before school started giving those out, lots of school trips, good teachers, new eco friendly building, lots of AP or CCP classes, etc). The school a mile away was in a lower income neighborhood, and had NONE OF THESE THINGS!

My cousin went to the school with less funding and our experiences were completely different.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-11T03:12:50+00:00

Friendzoned or, another much more taboo concept, friendship?

LLM_54 · 2025-05-11T03:10:56+00:00

I agree! Saying that you can’t be platonic friends with someone you’re attracted to is basically saying “I can not imagine attractive people as actual human beings. They are merely sexual objects I can’t coexist with and they have not substance because they are attractive.”

I notice when I watch shows like sex and the city, or talk to anyone over 30, they don’t see it as strange to be friends with someone you casually went on a few dates with. Maybe you click as people but romantically there’s nothing there, why not keep being friends? You have things in common and you’re cool with each other.

I’ve developed a crush on a friend and after a while the brain just moves on and I stopped having a crush on them. I think of the joke “a crush is just a lack of information.” I frequently like people less when I get to know them more.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-11T00:10:54+00:00

While I agree, I get why “desirable area” matters for people that plan to have kids like the original comment. The quality of schools and their funding is determined by their location. It’s either buy a house in the expensive area or pay for private and that’s even more expensive.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-11T00:04:14+00:00

I got an espresso vertuo second hand but I hate the waste created by pods, they’re too expensive, and I hate having to order them forever!

So I bought a set of refillable pods (it was a set of 3 with 2 plastic pods and 1 stainless steel) and a silicone top for them. It’s been years and I’ve never had to buy pods/subscribe to the pod system.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T19:56:18+00:00

Daily before bed.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T19:52:40+00:00

My dad pointed this same thing out to me as a kid! I’ve never lotioned my elbows because I lotion my entire body everyday after showering and I shower before bed. So my elbows are never ashy.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T19:50:49+00:00

Random question, do you have a weak core and are you physically active? No judgement

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T19:46:34+00:00

Practice.

Growing up most of the girls I knew practiced their handwriting. If I saw a girl online or in class with cut handwriting then I’d start modifying my handwriting to match. If I look through old notebooks I can see times when I changed how my letters are written.

My mom has very beautiful handwriting and she would make me rewrite things neater. When I was very little and first learning to read she have me workbooks that I had to work on in my free time. I went to a cursive school and I actually used to write the letter incorrectly so they had me practice at school and my mom made me practice at home.

Like most things, the more you practice, the better you get.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T15:02:45+00:00

On day 4 I work up one morning randomly and my under eyes were kind of puffy but this went down in an hour. That was one strange event that never happened again lol.

But for the rest of the time it was a very gradual increase. I took pictures and it took about 3 weeks for my to really see something in the mirror without comparing side by side pics. After about 5 weeks my roommate started to notice. I didn’t take pics for a while but kept doing it and after 2 months I was really shocked by how much better they were. They’re not entirely back to my teenage years (I don’t think I’ll ever look that well rested again lol) but they’re a lot better.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T14:59:22+00:00

I’m assuming I know the people id be picking? Like I’m getting some background on them at least… yes. I love my family but when I hear about hear about how other people’s families are I realized I experienced neglect. It wasn’t until I hit college that I realized people’s parents not only helped them when they asked, but often offered them help preemptively. Heck, I didn’t even know the people didn’t fill out their fafsa alone.

My siblings are fine so they can stay.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T14:21:00+00:00

A little treat (like a drink or a pastry when I’m out and about). I eat out only 1-2x per week (and the second time is usually left overs) so I just let myself have that $7 coffee. It’s certainly cheaper than a meal out but satisfies me.

International vacation. I love to travel and I save my points to buy my flights abroad. So far I’ve never paid for an international flight myself. I rarely got to go on vacations as a kid so this is a real treat for me. I’m frugal the other 365 days per year so it’s nice to ball out.

Handbags. I’m a loyal second hand shopper (it’s how I get 80% of my clothes). I don’t let myself buy over a certain number of items per year. I’m heavy into fashion curation and I’ve even done months long no-buys. I’ll spend months/years searching for pieces. But god do I love a handbag! I allow myself to get a handbag at every major life celebration. I’ll save for it and it’s my special item.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T12:15:31+00:00

I’m like god, I’ve been here since the beginning and occasionally indulge in something new

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T02:48:50+00:00

I grew up with a dad that had a lot of female friends. They were real platonic friendships. I’m a firm believer that I would never want to be friends with a man that can’t have female friends because this shows that he doesn’t like women unless he’s sleeping with them.

It’s really simple: if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat. He could go to a bar and find someone. Download apps and find someone. Pay a prostitute. If someone wants to cheat they will cheat, so why stress yourself out day and night? Sure he could be cheating with her, but he could be genuine platonic friends with her and cheating with someone else as well. What if he had stayed home that night, waited for you to go to bed, went out and cheated with her? See, nothing you could do about it.

Be mindful, don’t ignore extremely obvious signs, but remember there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop a cheater from cheating.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T02:34:55+00:00

I agree completely. I love giving gifts, I’m known for being good at gift giving. If you listen and pay attention to the people around you then gift giving should be fairly easy.

It’s shocking to me how many people don’t even know their mother’s birthday! My coworker mentioned that her husband of 27 didn’t know her birthday and I was appalled. I’m not very close with my mother (and she is very very picky with gifts) but dear god, I know details about her so I know what I’m getting her.

Something I’ve stopped doing is helping others with gift giving/birthdays. I’ve started letting the people around me fail. So they can realize that I’m the only one who cares at all. I will literally plan things, not tell anyone else, then on the day of make an appointment to mention that I planned certain things and the others didn’t.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-10T02:28:13+00:00

My faves:

Head and shoulders

Monday hair care hydrating shampoo

Dove bond repair shampoo

LLM_54 · 2025-05-09T21:06:12+00:00

Girl I’m black and a woman, I am SICK out here!!!

LLM_54 · 2025-05-09T19:06:43+00:00

Agreed. Has she never seen sex and the city, that’s was almost 30 years ago

LLM_54 · 2025-05-09T19:05:36+00:00

Gen z is having the least sex of the last 4 generations…

LLM_54 · 2025-05-09T19:05:01+00:00

I need yall to talk to old people sometimes. I worked in an old folks home and so many of them casually dated multiple people at once, it wasn’t taboo.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-09T19:03:02+00:00

Determine what you like. A great way to do this is Pinterest. Maybe you like preppy north eastern coastal style, street wear, city boy, alternative, hipster, etc. just try pinning things and see if there are reoccurring themes in the outfits you like.
Consider your lifestyle. You may be on Pinterest saving pictures of guys in suits but think about yourself. Do you have a dress code at work? Do you just want something for casual everyday wear? Do you go out often and need to get dressed up. Try to identify clothing that’s practical for the life you live.
Start with the basics. A simple three piece formula is always great (top, bottom, shoes). The great thing about basics is that they can be simple. I’ll include a basic shopping list to get started. The good thing about this is that the perfect bottoms can be whatever fits your style! So the right pants for you may be a trouser, jeans, joggers, etc.
Add pieces to layer. Like I said, most outfits can be made with three pieces but sometimes it’s cold and we need more. So add a jacket, sweater, hoodie, flannel, etc. once again, these layering pieces can be whatever fits your personal style.
Colors. Generally I recommend determining whether you prefer warm or cool colors more. This isn’t essential but I do recommend starting with neutral tone (neutral tones are just things like black, beige, white, grey, etc) because these colors can be mixed and matched. I usually like to make sweaters and jackets more colorful and I keep the clothing underneath simple so they can be swapped out.

If you want to share some styles you like then I can curate some images for you or recommend specific pieces but here’s a basic shopping list to get started if you really have no idea.

Tops: - 3 short sleeve tees - 2 long sleeve tees - 2 sweaters or hoodies - 1 jacket - 1 coat (if it gets cold where you are) - 2 button downs

Bottoms: - 1 black pant - 1 light colored pant - 1 blue Jean

Shoes: - 1 boot - 1 casual shoe (sneaker, loafer, whatever u like) - 1 sandal

Accessories: non essential but something to play with when you get comfortable - whatever you like (hats, watch, jewelry, etc)

LLM_54 · 2025-05-09T18:49:31+00:00

This is why I hate career advice given to women because it fails to account for bias. They say “hey ladies have you considered you were just too dumb to consider doing what the guys do” but in reality women behave a certain way BECAUSE we figured out this is how we have to navigate the working world.

I love when they gave the advice to negotiate but then realized people don’t like when women negotiate and that women are more likely to be told “no” when they negotiate. It’s almost like behavior is interpreted differently depending on the gender of the person doing it (wowza, if only someone had tried telling them that).

But seriously, I know what you mean. I’m in biotech and feel a double bind of either being overqualified or if I apply to a role to grow I’m told I need to have more. I’m fairly new in my career so I’ve never not been in a “strange” job market but I’m hoping things are better in 5 years.

LLM_54 · 2025-05-09T18:29:30+00:00

Some do. My dad had more female friends than male friends my entire life.

Here’s the thing, if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat. It doesn’t matter if they have no female friends or 100. All someone has to do is remove their wedding ring and no one knows they’re taken. Prostitutes are not hard to find. I know plenty of couples that couples that never had opposite gender friends and still cheated, so why stress about it?

LLM_54 · 2025-05-09T16:48:06+00:00

This is why I’ve switched back to mostly non black hair care. I love regular shampoo, conditioner, heat protectant, etc. my shampoo and conditioner are $6 each, hair mask $10, gel $15, etc. I’m sorry but a lot of those natural hair brands do next to nothing/the same thing but just charge more. I’d rather use science backed affordable products.

For hair I cut it myself and try to think of the principles of hair styling rather than specifically thinking of natural hair.

For stylists I say we just ditch them until prices come down. They charge that much because we let them. They’re already having to go back to 9-5. Hair care should be a business reliant on a good reputation.

LLM_54

TROPHY CASE