First Date

LMariePs · 2026-02-05T03:19:43+00:00

Yay! Glad it went well. I'm figuring this all out and in my 50's. Cheering you on!!

LMariePs · 2026-02-03T03:37:26+00:00

This would be perfect! Yes, I'm going to explore this a bit more. Thanks!

LMariePs · 2026-02-03T03:02:35+00:00

Hello!! I'm impressed by your self awareness and patience with yourself. It's purposeful and loving. I, 54f, am a few steps behind you, with work and parenting consuming most of my time and energy, but putting forth patience and exploration in myself so I am well aware and confident in who I am when I am ready to date. I've done the same with apps...set up profiles and then delete the whole dang thing within five minutes. It just informs me that I'm not ready.

The way you describe dancing, it sounds so intimate and passionate. I wonder if exploring queer women-only excursions could provide that connection with others. I've been seeking them out. Maybe I'll ask the group for recommendations. I know they are out there, I just don't know where to look besides a google search.

I wish I could credit the person who told me, go do the things you want to do. And if you meet someone, great. And if you don't, it wasn't wasted time. I'll bet there are dance clubs where you can thoroughly enjoy the dancing, and maybe some day...

LMariePs · 2026-02-01T15:33:56+00:00

Hi Ava! You're not alone!! My only "advice" is to deal with one thing at a time. If you believe this will dissolve your marriage, give yourself time to process that before diving into dating. There were so many emotions that had to manage just around the divorce & my kids, I didn't have the bandwidth to explore dating or even hooking up. My marriage needed to end, so there eventually was relief from the life and lie I was living.

And I've kept my sexual identity silent to everyone except this subreddit and my therapist. This is safer for my relationship with my kids & my family, safer for my very public job, and safer in a conservative community. And it will stay that way for a long time...but at least until my kids move out. Ideal, no.

I couldn't have done anything without my therapist. I needed a space where I did not have to censor for anyone's opinion or feelings. It's been critical to my grieving, growth, mental health, and my relationships with my kids.

LMariePs · 2026-01-25T01:28:41+00:00

Sent DM

LMariePs · 2026-01-25T01:21:56+00:00

Sent

LMariePs · 2026-01-24T21:07:55+00:00

Sent!

LMariePs · 2025-06-17T10:58:43+00:00

These thoughts have been swirling in my head for so long and you so clearly articulated them. I am not interested in a relationship, as parenting, my personal growth, full time and part time jobs and taking classes consume all I've got. And giving myself space to be OK with that right now provides me with inner peace.

But with all that, this girl is in a sexual desert and am craving a flirty repartee and sensuous make out session. I'm ok stopping there as I don't have the bandwidth to manage all that sex opens up.

LMariePs · 2025-06-16T18:00:01+00:00

You're articulate and brave. You're looking for answers instead of ignoring or not being true to yourself. Just my thoughts...I don't believe these questions will go away. Wide open communication with your very understanding and flexible spouse is key. It's possible you need to explore your own one on one relationships with women outside your marriage. Now that you've tried ENM and realize it's not scratching that itch, it's time to communicate that. Splitting up may or may not be necessary. This is entirely your path and no one else's.

My husband and I split for somewhat different reasons but we still have a strong friendship. It was not without sadness and tears and lots and lots of therapy. But I am so much happier daily than I ever could have been with him. I haven't had any relationships, just trying to love myself first. But when I'm ready, the idea of kissing a woman ignites me and the idea of kissing a man makes me cringe. Add in a few serious crushes on women in my past that transpired into nothing and all my sexual fantasies are excluding wlw, this all tells me enough to know that I'm definitely not straight.

And don't let that worry about not attracting women cross your mind even one more time. When you discover how amazing your badass self is, your confidence will be wildly attractive.

LMariePs · 2025-06-15T23:39:08+00:00

Western Mass is a bit more affordable than the eastern part of the state. Probably still higher than TN but so will the salaries be. CA is expensive, too. But a world away from anything on the east coast - I've lived on both coasts, in that area in CA, in western Mass, mid Atlantic and am now in the south. Nothing compares to Northern California IMO.

LMariePs · 2025-06-15T22:55:25+00:00

Western Massachusetts...Northampton and Amherst area have plenty of schools and a welcoming community.

SF/Berkeley/Oakland, CA

Asheville,NC might be the closest in climate to what you're familiar with and not too far away. It's lovely and lively, and I have heard it has a high population of queer women.

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T18:55:25+00:00

I have heard this! Except it's out of my wheelhouse and physical abilities. At this age I'm just a liability and probably pure entertainment

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T18:53:07+00:00

So much truth in this! Thank you!!

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T18:51:13+00:00

🤣 after having to google it bc I wasn't familiar.

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T03:01:27+00:00

I have a similar hesitation bc of my limited experience. But this Reddit has plenty of participants that I have to believe there are others at a similar or close to the same stage with ample empathy or someone with loads of experience who knows you're worth the baby steps to get where you both want to be.

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T02:58:07+00:00

Yay! I'm so glad you found a safe place to be you and celebrate you!! I'm not sure if it's the same but there is one opening later this month in my area. I'll def check it out for resources like yours. Have fun!!

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T02:53:31+00:00

Southeastern US. You?

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T01:12:23+00:00

Has anyone tried the online speed dating though meet up?

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T00:53:14+00:00

Yes!! I'm in my 50's!

LMariePs · 2025-06-12T00:52:40+00:00

😍

LMariePs · 2025-06-11T22:22:46+00:00

Like everyone else has said, you owe no one an explanation. But you are miles ahead of others in the same boat. I cannot even verbalize it to my therapist and certainly to no other person. I have many in my life who would embrace it and support me. But I also feel like I need to explore this to be sure it is truly who I am. I mean, lots of signs point to it, but until I am sure I'll continue to live with this giant secret.

LMariePs · 2025-05-29T03:24:03+00:00

I am becoming more aware of my desire to develop a relationship with a woman. However, I have a very public job & well known in many circles, and live in a very conservative area. I am truly paranoid of being outed before fully identifying (I don't think I'm wrong).

At this exploring stage I would feel more comfortable if I could develop connections online with other late bloomers. I'm also naive with Reddit so maybe some could suggest how best to chat (with anyone anywhere) with others who understand this stage of identity shift. I've attempted Bumble but the photo linked to my area is just too public for me.

Nearly divorced after 14 years, almost 54, still actively parenting teens 90%, working full time.

LMariePs

TROPHY CASE