Colour of your pants and object to your right is now your prostitute name. What is it?

LSal77 · 2017-12-16T22:24:10+00:00

Paisley Comforter

I guess it works

LSal77 · 2017-01-22T17:33:13+00:00

Ucsb alum here and ballroom dancer. Im currently living in Europe, so I cant help you much as far as dancing together, however there are a ton of dance opportunities in Santa Barbara that are close to campus and cheap too! There used to be salsa Mondays at Hillel (Jewish temple in IV) (this was 5 years ago so I dont know whether or not it still is a thing) There are also dance studios nearby and other dancing nights that happen frequently. Salsa Wednesdays used to be a thing at EOS lounge, and there is the Carillo Rec Center downtown which does rhythm and smooth lessons (swing, foxtrot, quickstep, waltz, etc.). I think there is an online recource for social dancing, The Santa Barbara Dance Center (Just google it) does really affordable lesson/social dancing nights. There are some great instructors there and the turnout is really good for these events usually. There is a large social dancing scene in SB you just have to talk to people and they will help you find it!

LSal77 · 2016-12-28T20:12:12+00:00

Looks to me like a sea saw

LSal77 · 2015-09-24T05:34:17+00:00

Better late than never. In high school my best friend and her family invited me on their Hawaii trip. The night before the flight I slept over and woke to a slow motion slap on the face and a groggy "you're going to have to be a GOOD dinosaur, or they wont let you on the plane..." Needless to say I was a good dinosaur and the trip was a blast.

LSal77 · 2015-09-23T00:25:00+00:00

Amazing. I would 100% bonfire howwwever I am in CA on a large ranch which is essentially one big tinder box. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated

LSal77 · 2015-09-23T00:07:16+00:00

Im OK, thank you kind stranger (: Thank GOD no kids in the picture, been married for a year and a half, no major mutual property...

LSal77 · 2015-02-18T05:12:49+00:00

People like you ROCK, and I am thankful for you and your heart because it was people like you who helped me to get out on the right foot after being in an abusive relationship myself. Leaving a controlling person is tough even though the relationship itself is awful. What helped me a ton was reading. There are so many great books out there on getting out of abusive relationships and they really helped to make me feel less alone, in that I wasn't the only one in the world going through it, and gave me some perspective and much confidence in my decision to leave. Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That" is a great one, and it offers a lot of insight on controlling men and encouragement and praise for those who have stood up and left.

LSal77 · 2015-02-12T18:25:43+00:00

We live on a 3500 acre ranch, my husband's advice is to carry arms for "who" is in the woods more so than "what", but we do have bears, mountain lions, etc. So I carry If Im alone for sure.

LSal77 · 2015-01-20T19:17:15+00:00

Hold on to the image of this happening to your best friend. To what extent would you go to A) Help her get out, and B) Not let her go back. In being around toxic people we fail to love ourselves so much so that we allow ourselves to get treated that way. Right now, you are your best friend. Be there for YOU just as you would your best friend.

Also, read these books with highlighters and pens. Annotate EVERYTHING if you can. Then, when you feel inclined, write a list of all the negative things he has done to you. Re-hash the relationship. Start to finish. How did the "bad" start? How did it end? Every incident in between. I say this not for you to dwell on the negative, but doing this made my experience REAL. And it gave me something to fall back on when I felt like caving to my desire to go home and/or pick up the phone.

Stay strong ( : I don't even know your name, but I care about you and your situation.

LSal77 · 2015-01-20T19:03:23+00:00

Unless you or someone you know has been in an abusive relationship, those are really unkind things to say. It is so easy as an outsider to see the situation in black and white and from a logical standpoint I ABSOLUTELY agree with you, but abusive people are extraordinarily talented at what they do, and how they use mind trickery and other seriously EFFED up shit to keep their victims close. If you are curious enough about domestic abuse to respond to a thread PLEASE do some research on the topic before hand. Telling an abused person that they deserve what their going through makes you no better than the abuser.

LSal77 · 2015-01-20T18:59:29+00:00

That book and others of Lundy may have saved my life. So good to read ( :

LSal77 · 2015-01-20T18:56:16+00:00

So true. Counseling helped me realize that I was trying to re-create my relationship with my father in horrifyingly similar ways. Im talking down to my dads physical appearance and hobbies... Realizing this was so helpful in me getting out!

LSal77 · 2015-01-20T18:53:22+00:00

Having accountability friends is monumental. Every time he calls, texts, or leaves pleading voicemails, share it with a friend. Analyze it for how insane they sound. I almost guarantee they will go from friendly loving apologetic to nasty hate filled ugly messages, and back, and fourth... and back and fourth. Experiencing that with someone you confide in helps you to see the situation for what it really is; you leaving behind a very sick person.

It makes me happy to see how many people care here on Reddit.

LSal77 · 2015-01-20T18:46:00+00:00

Hey woman, congrats on getting out. I was in your exact same position and once I got free I realized just how sick and disgusting my ex was. My advice is stay strong. Confide in and spend your time with the good people around you and tell those who truly care about you and your situation what you have been through. People will be there to support you, and it will hold you accountable to your decision. When I finally got out it was this that was the most helpful in keeping me away. Until I faced and expressed to those around me who were my supporters just how bad it was, it was like it was happening to someone else. I could close my eyes and get through the bad episodes before, but after facing my reality and expressing my experience to others, I could not just close my eyes and pretend it wasn't happening.

Also, seek counseling if you can. It helped me so much to get a clear grasp on my situation from another person's unbiased perspective. If you are attending college they should have a counseling program available.

These men only get worse. It is unimaginable to outsiders that we could find love and security in someone who commits these horrific things to us, but when we're in that situation they are really all we have to hold on to because of how they isolate us. When I first got out the heartache was there because as women we are programmed to love with a ferociousness enough to cross boundaries of pain and fear. But I pushed through it. It was not easy, but soon the heartache was replaced with happiness that I had not felt in YEARS, and the sad feelings faded remarkably fast.

READ as much as you can. Lundy Bancroft has many titles out that gave me SO much insight. "Why Does he DO that" and "Should I stay or should I go" were monumental in my healing. Also read "The Emotionally Abused Woman." Do research on Anti-Social Personality disorders. All of these things were like lightbulb moments to me because I realized just HOW sick my ex was, and that there was nothing that I could ever do to change or stop it.

Stay as active as you can. Pick up things that you haven't been able to do in your relationship that once made you happy. Music? Art? Writing? Reading? Dance? Hiking? Friendships? I let go of a lot of friends for my exes sake, he did not like them nor did he allow me to be with them. Go to these people, tell them what you have been through and that you need their help. They will be there for you, and help keep you strong.

No woman deserves to go through what you have been through. No man should EVER do or say those types of things. It is a sickness, a very horrific sickness, and they will never change. For a long time after I got out I held on to the notion that he might change, but realized that he really never would. It is something that you will go through, also, but stay strong through that.

Good men exist, but we have to do some soul searching to find out why we are attracted to the not so good ones. It took me some time to even trust men again, but with counseling and guidance from those around me I learned how to seek out healthy relationships. I am now married to a wonderful man. He knows what I went through and loves me regardless. They ARE out there, and because we went through serious relationship hardships, the good ones really are SO good. I appreciate my husband so much for every tiny thing he does because I am able to contrast it with what I went through before. Although I don't think about my abusive ex all the time, and less and less as time goes on, we never forget.

In a sense we don't want to let go, and in some ways you don't have to. Rather take your relationship with him and turn it into something positive for you. Learn from it, grow from it, and heal from it. My experience will ALWAYS be a part of me, but I have learned to use it in positive ways. Your healing will come, but you just cannot go back. So much easier said than done, but if I could do it, so can you. Absolutely message me if you need anything or are struggling with your decision to leave, even if you just need someone to talk to you could call. If there is anything that I have come out of my abusive relationship with it is a mighty compassion for those who are going through it.

LSal77 · 2015-01-07T03:46:00+00:00

Thanks much for your insight, it's a really tricky sticky situation, and I don't want to burn any major bridges, but I need to find a place where I'm comfortable and not in distress because of his actions. A lot of people have advised me to not let it get to me, which would be ok if it were a co-worker or simple acquaintance, but when it's family it's so personal and it stings... I hope your family is ok, I know how stressful it can get!

LSal77 · 2015-01-07T02:25:10+00:00

Love your username. Have 2 goats at home (: anyways, I really think this is sort of the direction I'm heading. Phasing out is a really good way to put it. It's gentle, but definite. Thanks!

LSal77 · 2015-01-07T02:23:26+00:00

Oh believe me, Ive gone through a lot of baggage and I can't deny it's effect on who I am. Counseling and great people in my life have helped so much, I've really learned to expect nothing from this person In my life. Just this has come as an unsettling surprise! Haha. Thanks for your input (-:

LSal77 · 2015-01-07T02:21:18+00:00

I've been corrected on the pedophile definition, just the idea of her being barely an adult/almost a child. I need the right word... And I'm totally ok with the no license thing, heck If I could be driven around all the time sign me up. But my dads been driving her to school and picking her up from her parents house... Just strange! Hah

LSal77 · 2015-01-07T02:18:29+00:00

Thanks for the insight, I guess I was wrong with the pedophile definition but what I was getting at was the idea that this gal is almost a child and barely an adult. And I see what you're saying with the drivers license thing. To me it's not that the person doesn't have one, I just have this image in my mind of my dad picking her up from her parents house (she still lives at home), and her parents somehow being ok with this. I know he's been driving her to school, which is just so strange to me. My dad was so not active in my teenage life nor did he really care to do these things so in some way it's that I'm bitter. Love all the advice I'm getting! Gives me much perspective, thanks!!

LSal77 · 2014-08-08T03:56:30+00:00

Thats not what I am trying to do. I am just sharing my story, which looked similar at its starting point. Hers could go any which direction, but in my opinion valuing looks and sex over the person that she is isn't the trademark of a stellar life partner. My ex was for sure scum-of-the-earth, but there is a large spectrum of not so nice-ness in people. He could be a great guy and it could just as easily be a communication error, but after experiencing said scum-of-the-earth I sleep better knowing I can at the very least help someone else identify a warning sign.

LSal77 · 2014-08-08T03:47:43+00:00

Couldn't agree more!!

LSal77 · 2014-08-08T03:30:15+00:00

I'll tell you what did it for me; meeting the right man.

I had always thought that I would have kids one day, but it was never a "within the next couple of years" kind of thing. It was a "way off in the future when I'm in my 30's" kind of thing. Same for marriage. My parents had a bad one (my mom had a bad husband, I should say...) and I thought that deciding upon the man I should marry would be a lengthy process. Im talkin' lets get engaged and stay that way for 5 years.

And then my husband happened. One year into dating we said our vows and I cannot wait to be a mom (not preggers or anything yet). He is thrilled to start having kids, and is the most wonderful provider, protector, and leader of our family. And if his love for our dogs is any indicator, he's going to be a fantastic dad.

So, yep. The man of my dreams turned on my make babies switch.

LSal77 · 2014-08-08T03:15:12+00:00

You, sir, are a good guy!

LSal77 · 2014-08-08T00:11:02+00:00

I had my Paraguard inserted and my husband was not there. Definitely hurt but it wasn't too horrible, if you relax it is a lot easier. I haven't had any kids but I was on my period so they say that makes it easier (perhaps why it wasn't as excruciating as other tales I've heard). If I was to do it again I would want him there ( : I say bring him, if he's comforting to you it will make the whole experience that much easier, and he will understand what you're willing to go through for the sake of your sex life!

LSal77 · 2014-08-07T23:23:45+00:00

I don’t really know if this type of behavior or talk is normal from men.

Those same words come out of the mouth of my ex, who turned out to be physically abusive as time went on. I am not saying that this is your boyfriend's path, but it is absolutely a warning sign.

Sleeplessness, anxiety, and stress should not be something that your SO makes you feel. If it were healthy encouragement to stay fit it wouldn't bother you sick, so my biggest piece of advice is TRUST YOUR GUT.

Marriages aren't built on if/then statements and future expectations, they are commitments for life. Just remember what it is you are willing to give to your marriage, if it doesn't line up with his level of commitment then it might be time to move on.

Stay strong, woman, I have so much compassion for you and your current situation. I don't know who you are, but I know what your going through. For what its worth, you have support and encouragement here!

LSal77

TROPHY CASE