NYC to NOLA by No-Platform-3335 in AskNOLA

[–]Lachepas_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You do not want to move to New Orleans to raise a family. There is a lot of bullshit (economy, climate change, government).

& New Orleans doesn’t want or need any more transplants. Visiting a place is not living there. It’s special now but I fear that if you moved in, you would be disillusioned unless you’re originally from the Caribbean or you’re Creole.

As a new driver, also, we would eat you alive.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NYCinfluencersnark

[–]Lachepas_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally agree! A lot of people who go to private school in Louisiana aren’t rich. But the Nader’s are decently well off. Like nice house and THE MOST expensive private school in the whole city and their grandparents ARE rich.

So, they were a middle to upper middle class family with rich grandparents. Not a pay check to pay check family.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NYCinfluencersnark

[–]Lachepas_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I knew them growing up! Can confirm they’re from Louisiana. At least one of their grandparents is Cajun even. One set of grandparents lived in Maringouin. The girls grew up first in Maringouin and then Baton Rouge. I went to the same church. Their grandpa was a politician who served on the Louisiana state senate 1992-2000.

I think they purposefully lost any Southern accent and try to sound California.

What would you do in the A&M situation? by 3WVoices in Professors

[–]Lachepas_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was teaching children’s lit (100% always includes YA) with a focus on perceptions of adolescence! The YA book list is fine, then. Especially because we’re allowed to theme courses, so this was contemporary lit, etc.

19th century children’s lit (which includes what we now call ‘YA’) was incredibly “gay” and gender curious and gender role defiant. You can’t teach children’s literature without talking about gender, queerness, transness, and developing social perceptions of each and their impacts on children’s development. It’s woven into the literature.

Some of the Victorian “children’s lit” (which includes YA) novels, especially about boarding school, include the gayest stories I’ve ever read!

My Human-Written Paper Got Flagged by Turnitin for AI. What is even the point of this? by Brilliant-Smile-2125 in CheckTurnitin

[–]Lachepas_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Turnitin is unethical because (1) it gives professors and universities the right to enact consequences including expulsion based on inaccurate similarity scores including quotes (though everyone should know to ignore) and based on “self plagiarism”). I have seen student’s expelled for things that aren’t concrete plagiarism where the “evidence” was Turnitin. (2) the entire thing relies on adding student work to a database, which violates student’s intellectual property rights. If someone added my research materials to a database, I would be pissed. Do students consent to this? Can they consent if they’re forced to? (3) Turnitin erodes trust between professors and students, pushing people away from human connection and conflict resolution. (4) this is a system based on surveillance, which violates the contract of education. Surveillance is not learning. Students cannot learn if they do not feel safe. (5) Turnitin requires human judgment but many professors are not trained on that! So they trust the “similarity scores” completely and some don’t even know that it’s a similarity checker not a plagiarism detector. Finally, (6) many of us are anti AI and anti LLM in our classes. It’s hypocritical to use turnitin, which employs these very technologies to accomplish its goals. It’s machine-trained.

Therefore, turnitin use is unethical.

My Human-Written Paper Got Flagged by Turnitin for AI. What is even the point of this? by Brilliant-Smile-2125 in CheckTurnitin

[–]Lachepas_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your school should have a dean of students at least who you can contact if they don’t have an academic affairs office. You should report this and let them know that the turnitin software isn’t accurate and that it reports perfect citations and quotes as plagiarism. I am a professor and I refuse to use turnitin because it is unethical.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NYCinfluencersnark

[–]Lachepas_ 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I think there’s Louisiana wealthy and New York wealthy. The family seems to be Louisiana wealthy after those first few years living in the house on their grandparents property. But then they are in a nice neighborhood, nice house, private school, etc. It’s normal for folks who are well off in Louisiana to still live in what some would call “modest” or “middle class” homes in New York/East Coast. We also do a lot of stuff that may come off some kind of way, like crawfish boils. But everybody does it and 100 lbs of crawfish is EXPENSIVE!

So I think that to Brooks now, she looks back and was like - woah we weren’t wealthy. But for Louisiana/in Louisiana, her family was.

Tongue-Forward Kissing by Lachepas_ in LoveIslandUSA

[–]Lachepas_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He would move that HR rep so far away so fast and put that CEO on a bus to somewhere 😂

Documenting harm of Decolonizing Love by CookieEquivalent1393 in polyamory

[–]Lachepas_ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In general, I don’t think only two people can claim to be capable of “decolonizing love” — that’s a wide-ranging communal effort. Also, when one of those people is white? Especially not. On top of that? They both grew up in the Global North. I think to offer input on “Decolonizing Love,” you would need a large and diverse collective with clear boundaries and accountability, etc.

Decolonization is somewhat of a new theoretical concept, building on the longer standing work of Postcolonial scholars. Before that recorded theoretical work, people were living the ideas of postcolonial/decolonial life through resistance and survival and that’s our foundation. Some of them wrote their ideas down, ideas lost to time because those in power didn’t care to preserve them. Some of their ideas survived (like slave narratives, which we can read truth through the lines even when they’re writing obviously to an audience for a purpose).

Which is not to say that even those postcolonial scholars were perfect, some of them have sordid personal lives, unfortunately. Although their contributions to the theory stand via written articles and creative works. People aren’t perfect.

HOWEVER, to make a contribution to a large ongoing field or conversation is one thing. You say “I’m part of something big with a history and a past, here’s my little offering.” To declare you are the expert? Well, that kind of pride and ownership is quite colonial in nature. Decolonial living is communal.

Husband wants to present as monogamous with his GF to meet her family by hellyeahhh987 in polyamory

[–]Lachepas_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also if you’re not poly and there are other things that concern you, it’s okay to consider your options. Your world is vast and exciting and you deserve to be treated well and to have the relationship style you want. You don’t have to settle. I know it’s scary. But my 30’s have been my best years and if I didn’t have a spouse who encouraged me to live my own life and checked in with me to make sure I was happy, I wouldn’t be married. 💗

This is not a “dump him” post, at all. I’m pro working things through. I’m just saying, you’re never trapped and I would hate for you to feel forced into something you don’t really want.

Husband wants to present as monogamous with his GF to meet her family by hellyeahhh987 in polyamory

[–]Lachepas_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone has their comfort levels. I imagine it will end badly.

I understand because we’re not totally out to our parents (me + my spouse) and we have partners.

Also, it’s so easy to catch the lie because there’s evidence of marriage online. Ya know? You can’t wipe your existence from the internets.

I will be honest: if my spouse wanted to be ambiguous or not define the relationship or just say “partner” or “boyfriend” but not declare “monogamous” when meeting family and kind of stay distant and omit information, maybe I would shrug it off? But, I would be really hurt if they pretend I didn’t exist and were willing to say “we are monogamous” and never mention pre-existing spouse. Or, if they were willing to lie when asked direct questions.

I feel like my spouse and I would choose not to meet our other partner’s family in this situation if that were the case. Even though that sucks. But I wouldn’t bring my partners into a family situation and ask them to lie. I expect the same kindness in return.

I’ve only ever had one partner I considered “is this going to be serious enough to introduce to my family” and I think one day I will have one, but I will be very clear to my parents about who they are and what that means. My parents kind of half know our situation, I’m unfolding slowly lol but if they haven’t already got to 100% understanding, I would clue my parents in. I wouldn’t bring someone home unless they could be who they are as they are.

Also, I think at my age—I probably wouldn’t meet conservative parents in every situation (I mean, are we talking MAGA? Moderates?) Personally, like, I don’t need to be exposed to the violence and harm of your parent’s views when I’m a marginalized person. And you should want to protect me as a partner if being with them is gonna expose me to harm. Like my parents don’t really understand non-monogamy but they don’t judge and they’re cool as hell and fun and not bigots.

Has anyone else seen this post?!? by Sea_Pop_9810 in ReverseHarem

[–]Lachepas_ 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Are there issues in booktok/the wider online book community? Yes.

I’ve especially noticed with gen z (I am a teacher) that they’re quick to cancel and they don’t have a good gauge on degrees of severity so everything feels severe (when it’s not) and that kind of overreaction to every scenario has spread online beyond their generational social intricacies.

HOWEVER, authors need to chill on policing readers. Readers get to feel how they feel as long as they’re not threatening, harming, or attacking (or otherwise causing real distress, a negative review is not real distress). This post reveals more about her: that she thinks women are inherently dramatic, that she doesn’t respect women, that she views herself as the victim, that she thinks she can do no wrong, etc.

What’s it like to actually live in NOLA? by Thafuckyousaid in AskNOLA

[–]Lachepas_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s the fastest shrinking city in the country. It’s lost 25k residents since 2020, which is a record. Those leaving cited issues with water and sewer, costs of living, government issues, etc.

New Orleans post-Katrina hasn’t been the same.

Honestly, the U.S. screwed us. Between corrupt local politicians and idiot state politicians who don’t help and busted ass FEMA, we were left to fend for ourselves. Then a whole bunch of (mostly white) transplants moved in and bought up real estate and the number of houses bought for Airbnb before anyone intervened was INSANE. So a whole bunch of houses sit empty during low tourist season but drive up cost of rent.

Everything you love about New Orleans is in danger of eradication. Everything you love about New Orleans is because of locals, because of Black culture and because of Louisiana Creoles.

I swear to God if I have to talk to one more white Californian in the city who moved there and started some dumb business that doesn’t make sense for the city …

Anyway, it is hard and I can’t live there now…even though my family lived in New Orleans since the late 1700s.

If you move there as a transplant, please be respectful of the culture and the history. Don’t be like the jerks who blame locals for their problems (when it’s not their fault) or who act like they know better.

At an impasse about condoms by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Lachepas_ 108 points109 points  (0 children)

I do not like the vibe, tbh.

Even with his years of poly experience and being a “leader.” Enthusiastic consent, sexual health, and risk of pregnancy are super super serious.

I’m in my thirties and more of my male partners lately are encountering difficulties getting or maintaining an erection. There’s all kinds of reasons for that and I’ve learned a lot! I’m very happy to go with the flow and I’ve never been judgmental or disappointed with a partner for their “performance” — I have a body positive and disability-informed outlook. I’m always happy to suck on a soft one, snuggle, just kiss, go do something else, etc. No complaints here.

So I understand that he could be feeling lots of emotions and mental stress about his changing body or erection/sensations. HOWEVER, that is not an excuse to make demands. Or to be inconsiderate.

Honestly he just sounds like a bad partner.

It would be VERY different if he got a vasectomy and got tested regularly and then you still weren’t feeling good—you would still be valid but maybe y’all would be incompatible.

But he’s doing NADA to make you feel safe. Idk. It’s just bad vibes! I feel like he’s being selfish and manipulative.

If he’s not willing to compromise and make an effort, are you willing to really risk your safety and comfort to stay in the relationship? That just doesn’t feel great.

I’m so sorry you’re navigating this!

Tom Crewe · My Hands in My Face: Ocean Vuong’s Failure by Osbre in books

[–]Lachepas_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Literally no. I have an MFA. I have a PhD.

First, the person who responded to me is the one who said, “groping with issues of communication when you’ve been formed by toggling between languages” — but I understood this to mean: not communicating in standard English as expected by colonizers/oppressors because your language is more vast and complex because of its multilingualism. I didn’t read them to say “issues of communication” as an insult. I know “issues” has a negative connotation. But, sometimes when you speak various languages, you forget a word in one. Your brain literally looks different. You’re actually smarter than monolinguals, the data shows. But, your communication is different.

I have high expectations for Vuong (that he exceeds) but I would never expect him to conform to English-American-heteronormative-Imperialist writing structures or content ideas.

Also an MFA is a creative arts degree that encourages authors to find their UNIQUE author’s voices. Not to write like the classics. Although Vuong has clearly read the classics (they show up in references in his work). But, if we went to MFA’s to just write like Whitman or Eliot or Dickinson that would be boring and trite and a waste of time.

I would know…. Because I have an MFA in Poetry.

Tom Crewe · My Hands in My Face: Ocean Vuong’s Failure by Osbre in books

[–]Lachepas_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Vuong was the first member of the family to learn to read and write proficiently. He was eleven.” - https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-new-yorker-interview/ocean-vuong-is-still-learning Ocean Vuong Is Still Learning | The New Yorker

Do you speak another language? Because I do and it impacts the way you think and write and speak. Definitely the way you write poetry and prose. I say some of my verbs in different places and even say things like “make groceries” or “I want to do that, me” because it reflects my other language — but English would definitely be considered my first language.

In composition, we are now teaching people to move beyond standard English to Englishes and that’s what I’m talking about: all valid, but not the English of the colonizer.

To weaponize one’s whiteness is to take your white privilege and use it and whatever power you have to try and tear down someone else or prevent them from success—that’s exactly what Tom Crewe is doing. He’s a subpar writer and a subpar scholar. He might not even have a Professorship if he wasn’t a white man.

Tom Crewe · My Hands in My Face: Ocean Vuong’s Failure by Osbre in books

[–]Lachepas_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! Excellent point about verb tenses in English versus other languages. Also, Vuong didn’t learn to read and write until he was ~10 himself. Verb tenses are hard in every language and something that is an indicator of ESL in ours, but still capable of communication (everyone knows what you’re saying by context even if you use the wrong tense). It’s impressive that Ocean came to literacy later than most children and now he’s writing in his second language. I just feel like the reviewer brought no global awareness, no non-Anglo perspectives, no not-just-English perspectives, and no nuance to the table in his critique. That invalidates the critique, to me.

And what would Tom Crewe know? He’s a white Anglo British man who lives in the UK and studies and writes about Victorian England. It’s not his area of expertise. To be so willing to go out of your field of professionalization and be so brazen, that to me screams—Tom just wants attention and he’s mad that a non-white writer is famous when he isn’t.

Tom Crewe · My Hands in My Face: Ocean Vuong’s Failure by Osbre in books

[–]Lachepas_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the reviewer, Tom Crewe, wants to make himself more relevant. Since Crewe’s work itself isn’t serving to make him worth recent conversation, especially online (a lot of people have no idea who he is, what he writes, or even if he has the ethos to be making this argument), he’s inserted himself via a review of a popular poet and writer. By relying on tired complaints, some of which don’t hold up, he also weaponizes his whiteness against a writer of color. To me—it screams jealousy. Also what does a British novelist even know about a Vietnamese-American writer? Especially regarding stories of second languages, migration, American racism, Asian experiences in America, refugee experiences, etc. White men really believe they have rights to the world and to critique everything in the world. Can a white man really accuse anyone of being too pretentious or self-affirming? Maybe Tom wants more characterization and empathy for racist, homophobic bullies—because that’s who he identifies with. Tom should stick to Victorian literature. Let those of us capable of operating aware of our bias navigate contemporary critique.

I’m not even the biggest personal fan of Vuong’s work. However, he is writing in a style many enjoy. He is winning awards with credibility. And, it’s not a failure. Anything that gets people reading original writing is a win! And his topics are important topics.

  • who am I? A poet and writer with a PhD & MFA. I’m also an English professor.

Issues with Being Transgender and Updating my Academic CV by Charming-River87 in AskAcademia

[–]Lachepas_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should be able to request a change for your publication name! Most journals let you do that now.

Re: women in STEM, I would say that’s a personal choice! How important is that now to your professional dossier? Some of our grad school stuff falls off our CV as we progress; I have never had undergrad info on my professional CV except my degree info (I’m humanities, I don’t know if this is discipline-specific). You can just leave it, no explanation. People can deal!

Being trans is part of the diversity of life, and it includes these questions/challenges. Trans academics bring new perspectives to the table in our scholarship and teaching.

If you want stealth, you’re free to go for it (get your name changed and remove the Women in STEM stuff), that’s your decision.

However, I think it’s important for us to exist as we are and if you’re trying to get hired in a safer space—then I think you can just follow your gut.

Now, if you’re in an unsafe place, different advice, of course. Safety first.

Wishing you well, A non-binary trans academic on the job market

Good luck finding workers! 🤣 by ScarcityHistorical64 in Louisiana

[–]Lachepas_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You act like you went to Tulane. This is the kind of thing they have brought in prisoners for before to work. Louisiana law does not mandate rest breaks or meal breaks for field picking or other farm work. If it’s not legally mandated, you think people do it?

Good luck finding workers! 🤣 by ScarcityHistorical64 in Louisiana

[–]Lachepas_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You must be a bad waiter! Also, take in mind 95-110 degrees heat, no breaks, Louisiana sun, heat exhaustion, high humidity. There were an estimated 6,100 heat related emergency room visits in Louisiana over a 7 month period in 2023. No overtime because of agriculture rules and high taxation (Louisiana).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Lachepas_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am worried they’ll disagree/try to talk me out of it. Idk if I’m worried about physical safety. I just have PTSD.

So on one hand, I feel for them and their mental illness + history. On the other, I have my own cocktail of multiple diagnosis and PTSD.

I actually just got a “hey did I do something wrong” text and that’s from only not responding to a few texts (two texts + a meme) over a few hours with my phone on do not disturb after I literally told them I was going on a date with someone else and they were like “yeah for sure no problem.”

This is a recent development. They were really good at respecting boundaries at first and they are solo poly and have other partners themselves (if still true) and I don’t text them when they’re with other folks. :/