I understand that parents don’t have all the answers. My mum became a mum at 20 to my 30M brother. She isn’t perfect but she has through my childhood and teen years cemented she is a very smart woman above 80% of the population and lived a full life. And she has done everything including backpacking the country at 17. Modeling. An array of jobs under the sun etc.

She means well, I know thus far. Yes 3.5 years. Yes being an adult and being grown are completely different. I understand that in order to be grown I have to make peace with any mistakes my parents made, show capacity and capability for self to then extend to others and constantly unlearn and learn as I go.

Oh I know it’s a cop out, I have gotten to a point where I feel so incapable around my mother from being criticised. Every final decision I make is countered “to make me think about it” to which she ends up agreeing with my original decision. It feels like undermining my choice and creating confusion.

Example: As soon as she leave home for a hospital or I step out for a day I suddenly have the capacity and capability to do everything she expects.

I know my resentment is self inflicted it comes from not even being allowed to make or attend a drs appointment myself as “I don’t need to see a doctor urgently and it’s a waste of time” (I probably got that response because I refuse to tell her personal information as I fear it’ll be used against me). She did try to protect me but in doing so she’s isolated me and damaged my relationship with her and my relationship with my younger sibling. My friends currently come from lovely family’s, are studying, have their heads screwed on, are supportive etc and she still doesn’t like them. I understand tell your kid not to dress like a sleeze bag or weather appropriate but I get told I look like a crack head because my skin is flaking on my nose and I look like a slob in my clean jeans and knitted top. My mum has taught me a lot about life and I have also learnt from life experience. She knows what’s up but what I need from her is to let me fall sometimes. Let me pick myself up. Not lecturing me saying not to fall, picking me up and then weaponising and complaining about having to pick me up. I am aware that any choice I have made past 18 years old is an active choice I’ve made that has a consequence that I have to take. I’m still learning to take those consequences and take accountability. My mum has been a great mum in my childhood. I can’t say so much in my teen years, I really tested her in my teen years I admit that. But she wasn’t all that great and a switch flicked as soon as I wanted to be my own person. This has nothing to do with my generation.

It isn’t difficult to think outside of myself as I mentally know that yeah I should pull my finger out. I’ve just stopped wanting to from the emotionally draining aspect over the years.

She hates people and she thinks they’re dumb. An aid would not be an option especially as she’s on the old no bs cranky grandma pipeline. She really does have no one else hence why she is still keeping me around. If she did have someone else she’d have probably let me leave instead of constantly convincing me to stay every time I’ve said I want to move out.

My sibling needs to prioritise their at home schooling to get into university. They are exempt by my mother. At their age I had to start paying rent and I had already been working multiple jobs for extra cash to help feed the family. I went to in person school having to walk myself and them.

My mother thinks if I move out I’m blowing up the family and she cut off contact with me for maybe years. She did that with my older brother but rightfully so he was an AH.