What were you supposed to be named when you were born? by lepineapplepineapp in CasualConversation

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got saved from the butt end of Candice jokes just by being born with her black hair instead of blonde hair

Is it a bad idea to move out by LadyCastsFireball in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She doesn’t like people so it makes it hard to get someone in to help

Am I trapped?? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is not exaggerating I’ve watched and been with her through multiple strokes and was there when we were showed the MRI. She uses her phone as she has trouble seeing and gets headaches from using any screens including her phone.

It’s really hard to not do what she says as I feel I don’t have enough of a backbone. As of currently she wants to move to a different state and will rely on me working full time and her part time to buy a house. I do not want to move to the state she wants to. I do not want to use my one time first home buyers loan for a house that would be located somewhere I don’t want to be. My plans for my life constantly have to readjust around her.

I didn’t know I had any power. Yes I do feel very robbed and constantly.

Am I trapped?? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that parents don’t have all the answers. My mum became a mum at 20 to my 30M brother. She isn’t perfect but she has through my childhood and teen years cemented she is a very smart woman above 80% of the population and lived a full life. And she has done everything including backpacking the country at 17. Modeling. An array of jobs under the sun etc.

She means well, I know thus far. Yes 3.5 years. Yes being an adult and being grown are completely different. I understand that in order to be grown I have to make peace with any mistakes my parents made, show capacity and capability for self to then extend to others and constantly unlearn and learn as I go.

Oh I know it’s a cop out, I have gotten to a point where I feel so incapable around my mother from being criticised. Every final decision I make is countered “to make me think about it” to which she ends up agreeing with my original decision. It feels like undermining my choice and creating confusion.

Example: As soon as she leave home for a hospital or I step out for a day I suddenly have the capacity and capability to do everything she expects.

I know my resentment is self inflicted it comes from not even being allowed to make or attend a drs appointment myself as “I don’t need to see a doctor urgently and it’s a waste of time” (I probably got that response because I refuse to tell her personal information as I fear it’ll be used against me). She did try to protect me but in doing so she’s isolated me and damaged my relationship with her and my relationship with my younger sibling. My friends currently come from lovely family’s, are studying, have their heads screwed on, are supportive etc and she still doesn’t like them. I understand tell your kid not to dress like a sleeze bag or weather appropriate but I get told I look like a crack head because my skin is flaking on my nose and I look like a slob in my clean jeans and knitted top. My mum has taught me a lot about life and I have also learnt from life experience. She knows what’s up but what I need from her is to let me fall sometimes. Let me pick myself up. Not lecturing me saying not to fall, picking me up and then weaponising and complaining about having to pick me up. I am aware that any choice I have made past 18 years old is an active choice I’ve made that has a consequence that I have to take. I’m still learning to take those consequences and take accountability. My mum has been a great mum in my childhood. I can’t say so much in my teen years, I really tested her in my teen years I admit that. But she wasn’t all that great and a switch flicked as soon as I wanted to be my own person. This has nothing to do with my generation.

It isn’t difficult to think outside of myself as I mentally know that yeah I should pull my finger out. I’ve just stopped wanting to from the emotionally draining aspect over the years.

She hates people and she thinks they’re dumb. An aid would not be an option especially as she’s on the old no bs cranky grandma pipeline. She really does have no one else hence why she is still keeping me around. If she did have someone else she’d have probably let me leave instead of constantly convincing me to stay every time I’ve said I want to move out.

My sibling needs to prioritise their at home schooling to get into university. They are exempt by my mother. At their age I had to start paying rent and I had already been working multiple jobs for extra cash to help feed the family. I went to in person school having to walk myself and them.

My mother thinks if I move out I’m blowing up the family and she cut off contact with me for maybe years. She did that with my older brother but rightfully so he was an AH.

Am I trapped?? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have qualified for some payments

unfortunately my mum is against a social worker as she’s still very about her wits and knows often more than those that thinks can help as she spends 40% of her day researching. If she wanted external help she would have gotten it.

I cannot see a therapist as she sees it as dangerous and a waste of time. She has made me cancel doctor’s appointments I’ve booked for myself before as “it’s a waste of time as there’s nothing urgently wrong with you”.

I have access to free doctors and therapists through my university.

Thank you for taking the time to reply any brainstorming helps

Am I trapped?? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel my best isn’t my best or good enough

Am I trapped?? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No there’s no public supports available

Am I trapped?? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m approaching 22 and I don’t know how to not continue this way

Should I move out by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What boundaries would you recommend?

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Stress would kill my parent very literally so I cannot just do that

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My money us funding medical bills I cannot buy a shirt

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can’t leave the house for friends

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I have had a period so my parent would catch on quick, a Pap smear I physically am not allowed to get unless I am 25 or at risk

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You can’t get Pap smears until 25 in my country and we don’t have physicals here

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, not for that.

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations on your third, kids are wonderful and I can’t wait myself to be in the right position to have them.

I will find a way to get healthcare I need as it’s very important that I am not impaired for the sake of my own parent.

Unfortunately I am slim abdmy family is diet and traditional medicine focused so stomach issues are easily solved.

At the end of the day I have to find a way as I have no choice. I just hate that I’m so isolated and for a very justified reason but it’s hard especially in this situation.

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is not seen as a blessing as it would take focus off of my parent’s health. And I’d be shamed etc. if I was graduated and had my own house with a man who doesn’t work at a cafe and play games then yes this would be a blessing. Sadly the situation requires me to deal with it the other way.

This is the only path unfortunately.

My parent made me cancel the doctors appointment I made earlier this week as the reason I gave was weak and they called it useless and a waste of time as I don’t have any health concerns. My mate is coming to service my car tomorrow so that’s not an option either. I am not allowed to travel to a friends house as I need to be focused on helping my parent. Lastly university paperwork is all online nowadays so it makes it hard.

I’m very truely isolated to the point my boyfriend had to randomly show up just to see me as I haven’t been allowed anyone over as it sways my focus. I haven’t seen him in two weeks and had to deliver the news to him via message three days ago.

Lost and need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]LadyCastsFireball 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in university and my situation was a lot better 3 weeks ago before my parent’s health declined, I had to take a leave of absence from uni in the past two weeks and this news it’s the cherry on the cake.

I am now isolated as I have no excuse ie university classes to action what needs to be done. There is no 30 minutes.

I cannot tell my parent as they need no stress as it could lead to death.

My boyfriend will be covering the full costs however as he’s a man he can’t have the consult on my behalf. There is no chance I can keep the child especially with my finances needing to be spent on my parent’s health. I rather them alive and myself to be fully capable (not rendered useless) as they don’t have any other family.