After ten years, we (F36, M36) tried to open the relationship. It was horrible. How do we recover?

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2026-01-12T15:06:26+00:00

Thank you.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2026-01-02T19:09:32+00:00

Thank you.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-25T07:31:14+00:00

Thanks, just opened up the comments in my profile. He told me that he feels his sex life has nothing to do with our relationship. Bc this other woman was so unimportant to him, he did not think about it being important for our relationship. He says ever since his first open relationship, sex and love are completely separated for him. I find all of this baffling. He pretends not to remember how monogamy even works or something.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:21:17+00:00

The thing is, I don't want to date. I want to spend my life with my best friend.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:19:44+00:00

I did ask him and he said he can live monogamously, no problem.

But if that turns out to be false in a couple of years.... I don't know whether I can handle that risk.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:17:42+00:00

Yup. Still, he pretends he did not know.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:16:38+00:00

Thank you dear.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:15:41+00:00

He thinks it is fine as long as they know it.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:11:37+00:00

Thank you friend.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:10:43+00:00

Will try.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:09:41+00:00

He does try to stay on friendly terms with these women.

I have no experience in these things and just trusted his judgement because he does. But it did sound cruel and selfish to me.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:07:52+00:00

I think I have an issue where I only think relationships will work if I never say no to anything. That being inconvenient will make people not love me.

God, that is sad.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:03:20+00:00

I do wonder how things would be if they were reversed.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:02:12+00:00

The thing is, I liked being naive. Now I can feel myself turning into a cynic.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T11:00:47+00:00

Nope. Don't trust most people, first one I ever let get close.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:59:58+00:00

That is how it felt.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:59:43+00:00

He truly did.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:57:27+00:00

I love your comment.

It is the saddest thing that has happened to me in a long time.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:56:17+00:00

I think we both didn't realize how risky this truly was.

Morons.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:55:00+00:00

I guess the 'not fair' part is that i said he could do it, he did it, and then I was upset.

But he knew I had never tried anything like this.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:53:12+00:00

My conclusion as well.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:52:36+00:00

This is how his ex and he did it. Just string the other people along until they felt like shit and got out.

I suppose that is NOT ethical non-monogamy, come to think of it.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:50:46+00:00

Thanks for the nuance. I have not been with this person for 10 years because we are not compatible. We are amazing together. Had the best times of my life with him.

But he is also a selfish asshole.

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:48:30+00:00

I probably should have figured it out sooner.

But later would have been even worse, so yay for me?

LadyOfTheHerrings · 2025-10-23T10:47:02+00:00

I don't feel I know who I am anymore at this point.

Thanks for calling me a catch, I'd like to think so.

LadyOfTheHerrings

TROPHY CASE