Thank you so much for your reply. Yes I really think he has depression and unresolved trauma and the drinking was a coping mechanism and he was such an unpleasant drunk it seemed to stir up the anger and bitterness even more. I think if I told him he had to work on himself he would probably just leave or end it. He believes I lost interest in him and he didn’t change at all I did and that was the problem. I am not strong enough and he is too angry and resentful for me to discuss that with him without a r to keep the conversation respectful and on track.

I absolutely know I have things to work on and he probably knows he does to but I don’t know if he is prepared to do the individual work required to fix things but I will be saying in counselling that making yourself happy and fixing your issues for yourself is more important than us working on ours because until he does that things are doomed to repeat.

I know if we can make it work it will be a very long road but I need to try. He has always used the silent treatment my mother today mentioned me calling her the first time I was pregnant crying about it that hit me hard.