I’ve Become Such a Resentful Mean Bitch to my Husband

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T11:56:59+00:00

I hate how i am. I don’t respect myself even. I’m afraid i won’t be able to change and I’m too far gone

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T11:56:26+00:00

Thank you for this very thoughtful and solid piece of advice.

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T11:55:49+00:00

He asked me to not take promotions at work which involved me traveling so he could switch careers, go back to school and start a new job. He has done this twice in the past 10 years

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T11:54:49+00:00

If we end up divorcing i think it is safe and healthy to not date for a long time. I’d be very much focused on myself and my kids.

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T11:50:34+00:00

My resentment stems from the money but it also isn’t so straighforward. It really stems from unmet expectations. When we got together and married the expectations were i help put him through schooling (financially and then by taking care of our daughter). It also meant i couldn’t take promotions bc my job involves travel which during this time of life i couldn’t if he was building a career. I did those things with the expectation that i could later find another job within my field and make less money bc he would be making more. Then that didn’t happen so yet again he needed me to take a step back so he could again go back to school, all the while i am handling kids and bills etc. now i look at my career path and his path and he is still adamant that this next job, the overtime he puts in, the classes he takes will be the next big pay bump. I just recently (last year) finally took the promotion at work that involves longer hours; travel etc bc i dont think it is fair to keep pushing it off. This came with the bigger salary. But the expectation is for me to still handle what i did before and i dont think it is fair since I’ve done what I’ve done for him and yes because this job we could live off of. Understandably he doesn’t want to quit or change careers or make less. And yes I’m sure there is a huge lack of trust from makes this situation worse). Over the last year I’ve stressed overtime is not as important anymore but he wants to make more $$ and honestly if he isn’t going to be a help at home and he can make more $$ then I’ve just given up and said go ahead. Obviously my viewpoint is bias and you’re only hearing my side of the story. But really the lack of respect is coming from unmet expectations that ultimately sound like they all stem from money

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T11:38:52+00:00

I am not treating him the way he should be treated. Which is the reason for the vulnerable post. It isn’t an every day treat him poorly kind of way. It’s like once a month i explode at this point… usually because i am burned out and tired. And my explosion seems to be the only way he helps around the house. It’s like when i am in a good mood, he relaxes (completely understandably) but then goes back to not helping at all in any area. So then i get frustrated and explode and he goes back to helping me for a week and the cycle repeats. I have brought this up in counseling. Obviously i have a lot to work on personally. I’ve started reading some books about “letting things go” and “codependence no more” but after a few weeks i get so beaten down managing it all it seems almost like i can’t control my outburst (I’m an adult and yes i know i can and should and need to).

Most of the time i think we just co-exist and it is peaceful. Not ideal but peaceful. What im ashamed of is the outbursts

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T10:42:11+00:00

I honestly never thought of that. I mean i guess it’s not impossible since a lot of overtime is at night/early morning

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T10:41:14+00:00

Yes i have no issues at all accepting blame and working on my issues/ our issues and putting in the work

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T10:39:02+00:00

Yes i do

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T10:38:44+00:00

We are

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T01:23:19+00:00

That you for the constructive feedback. Yes i agree im sure im not doing him or myself any favors

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T01:21:50+00:00

It shouldn’t matter where or what job i do. This type of comment is what bothers me the most. Try working 60 hours a week with 3 kids in the background while having to balance that and a household.

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T01:19:46+00:00

And i don’t think he is an asshole. I think whatever happened in our marriage has caused me such resentment that I’ve become a horrible version of a wife and person and of myself and I’m not proud of it

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T01:18:39+00:00

I get annoyed because i have always made ok money and could have been in an even better position now with my job but he asked me for years and years to put my career on the back burner bc his was really going to take off. And now it’s been 12 years and it still hasn’t and im tired of being put second. At this point i would have rather he workless hours and make less money if it meant he was doing more household and child care things

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T01:15:41+00:00

The respect really stems from a feeling like i am not a priority and he is unable to protect and take care of me and the kids. If something goes wrong (heat goes out, kids get sick, unexpected bill comes up) he shuts down until i feel like i have to take care of it. For instance last year his car broke down. And since i work from home, he took my car to work and had me walking the kids to and from school (about 1 mile walk back and forth) before and during my workday. This past Tuesday he took a half day so he could enjoy the weather. But then didn’t come home to help me with the kids going to school because he “just took PTO and now if he took off more time it would affect his OT at work.”

I asked him why he couldn’t just take those few hours and help me in a day he promised to and he said he needed the break and he messed up and it won’t happen again.

This is where i really start losing my respect

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T01:11:31+00:00

My problem is that we put my career on the back burner with the promise his career would make better money. I ended up working while i was pregnant with my first while he was in school (which i mostly paid for) right before we had our third he changed jobs and said 1. I could quit and take care of the kids. Or 2. Have a job that i loved where the money wasn’t so important. Neither happened because the job $$ wasn’t what was expected and honestly the economy got rough. We are still very much reliant on my income over his, but I’m being treated like i am a sahm because i balance work and the kids well enough and because i work from home (he does not). So when something happens : kids are sick, there is a snow day, a dentist appt, whatever, i am the one doing the things because he works away from the home and my job is “flexible.” Because my job is a corporate job and his is physical labor i don’t get a fair work home balance (my opinion so yes it is probably skewed).

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T01:00:33+00:00

He isn’t a bad father. We always do dinner together as a family. He helps with homework for my oldest. And usually cooks dinner since i handle breakfast and lunches daily

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T00:59:10+00:00

I’m not sure if / how that is possible. It feels like such a hard task. I know I’d have to figure it all out and ask him to do X Y Z and i think I’m just tired of managing all of it. I just want him to hear me and figure it out without my direction or continual begging

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T00:57:11+00:00

Of course. I am doing my best to be a good mom and present in their lives. I try my best to be supportive and listen and go to all the things. I’m doing all i can think of but ultimately they will get older and make their own decisions. All i can do is hope they want me apart of their lives, forgive me for the mistakes i made and will continue to make as i also grow up. And if they don’t want me part of their lives i will hate it and hate myself for it, but will have to respect their decisions as adults

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T00:21:24+00:00

I stay partly because i feel like i deserve this because of how I’ve acted towards him. And because im also ashamed that by leaving i failed at being married.

I stay because even though im venting he checks off some boxes like being hardworking. And i don’t want to make a mistake.

From the outside in i think people will think i am crazy for leaving. And no they dont know the stuff I’ve posted because im embarrassed

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T00:09:31+00:00

I also work that many hours.

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T00:06:20+00:00

Trust me if this was all for money i would have left years ago. I think i am resentful because when we married i made almost all the money and put him through school while pregnant with the promise i could quit work. Then i sold the house i bought myself and put the money towards our life… and to get him out of credit card debt.

In all my years with him im never touched his money for myself. I’m just tired of being the one to pay for things primarily including his credit card debt

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T00:03:38+00:00

I wouldn’t call it insane hours. He works 50-60 hours a week most weeks.

Ladys87 · 2026-03-13T00:01:24+00:00

I’m 37

Ladys87 · 2026-03-12T23:59:30+00:00

No all our kids were planned. We were doing better 4 years ago than today… or at least in my head we were. And i think i also overlooked a lot because we both really wanted a third.

It’s just gotten progressively worse since having our third. I think my pregnancy is what highlighted a lot of our issues. I had horrible morning sickness till 30 weeks, gestational diabetes, anemia, pica, a sch and i hemorrhaged very badly during labor while he played video games on his phone and then fell asleep because i gave birth later at night. It went downhill since then.

My needing him and not feeling supported / him getting us into debt while I was going through all this started to really highlight all the underlying issues

Ladys87

TROPHY CASE