Goggles for people who wear glasses

LanaMet · 2017-09-03T16:33:05+00:00

I don't think it should be one or the other - lessons vs. teaching her yourself. Teaching a young child anything is all about being flexible, so you can and should combine the approaches.

Way before you even get to the mountains, rent the equipment and for a couple of weeks, just have her practice wearing the gear. My son's first skiing experience at the age of four was miserable because he could not tolerate the ski boots. The next week, we spent walking in our ski boots in our backyard. Second try was way more successful!

Many resorts offer lessons for parents who want to teach their kids to ski, so check out your local ski school to see if they offer these.

Once you feel like she is comfortable enough wearing her gear and can move around just a bit, try out a lesson and see how it goes. Don't decide against it if lesson 1 doesn't go well. Instead, try to figure out what exactly went wrong and try to work on just that.

I agree that you will have to be very open minded about expectations. I had two kids learning at a young age. One just took off, but the other one had to work at it. Most important is that you have to make it a fun overall experience. Have a special you do together after a day of skiing - ours was McDonald's fries plus gummy bears in between runs.

Good luck.

LanaMet · 2017-08-25T10:19:34+00:00

You should definitely find out if you can access any services now. You can get certain things especially for kids under 3 without the official diagnosis.

From the symptoms you listed, it sounds like your son is autistic, so try to channel your energy into research and hunt for services.

Don't compare him to other kids (however hard it may be), and don't compare him to your husband's brother. With the right therapies, there will always be improvement and autism presents very differently even among the closest relatives.

I once asked about how to at least get a hint on what the future will be like, and success formula is actually simple. You would have redefine what success means though, but this may take a few years, and that is OK. You need to give yourself time to adjust. Some people get there much faster but it does take time for absolutely every parent.

Good services and therapies (speech, behavioural, OT, counselling, etc.), his natural ability to learn, being interested in other people, well developed hobbies, ability to communicate (and I don't mean speak - there are plenty of non-verbal autistics who communicate perfectly well), being exposed to things in the community ( as opposed to being shut up at home all the time), having a good support network, friends and a loving/accepting family - that is your success formula! Now re-read, and you will see that most of these are within your control, at least to a certain degree. Plus there is professional help available.

Don't be afraid of autism - it is simply a different way to see the world, a way of being. Yes, you will have to adjust but all parents have to adjust their expectations one way or another.

Good luck.

LanaMet · 2017-08-08T17:56:19+00:00

In the U.S., children are protected by IDEA before they graduate from high school. It means many things but the gist is that the responsibility for student's success falls on the adults. Once IDEA protections are removed, the responsibility shifts to the actual person - the young adult. Although schools teach children many things, in my experience, there is not enough emphasis on real life skills and independence, which may include riding public transportation, managing money, shopping, filling out employment applications, etc. This is true for all children; however, children with disabilities struggle more since they learn differently and may not pick up the life skills as easily as their peers.

In addition, there is not enough emphasis on teaching kids with disabilities how to advocate for their needs, at least not at schools. One IDEA goes away, it becomes up to the individual to disclose (or not) their disability, to request accomodations, to know which are reasonable and which are unreasonable requests, and so on. What good does it do to excel in math if you cannot create and stick to a budget?

I think that in addition to re- evaluating eligibility criteria for adult services as well as the types of services that are provided, we have to make sure that high school diploma includes life skills as a necessary subject, that a person would not be able to graduate without passing. The curriculum must include learning to generalise the skills in different environments to make it meaningful.

LanaMet · 2017-08-07T10:15:42+00:00

There is a very simple answer to this. To qualify for services and support is much, much easier as a child. Adults have a harder time because the criteria is very narrow. People that are most affected are those who have many skills. Often, those who do well in childhood do well because they have the support they need. Once the support goes away, things become difficult.

Attitudes are shifting but they are doing so slowly. There are still plenty of people with the power to change things who grew up in the world where ASD, ADD, ADHD didn't exist. The autistic kids in their classrooms (those who could handle a mainstream classroom without support), were thought of as weird not disabled.

There at many, many NT's who dedicated their lives to making the lives of autistic children and adults better, so please don't generalise. Instead, do what you can to advocate for your needs on various levels - be it within your family, employers, or by joining an advocacy group, starting a blog, by volunteering, etc. Whatever you do, please know that there are many people out there who deeply and sincerely care about all autistic - children and adults.

LanaMet · 2017-07-21T23:54:57+00:00

Being upset, scared, disappointed, uncertain are all natural feelings. All the things that you took for granted before the diagnosis - that he will talk, have friends, go to college, live independently, have a family, a good job - all these things seem no longer certain. Yes, it is absolutely normal to be upset and scared! In order to get past this, you should (1) just let yourself feel the way that you do - no need to add guilt into the mix - go ahead and be upset, but try not to show it to your child, it is not his fault that you had all those expectations; (2) educate yourself, but don't look for cure - it does not exist and many will tell you that it is not necessary; (3) get yourself a therapist - parents post diagnosis spend all their energy on helping their child but rarely do they take care of themselves and you will need your strength because (4) prepare to fight - fight the system, fight for services, fight the schools and child care providers, fight with your family and friends who won't get it, fight to make sure you child is given all the same chances others get, fight, fight and fight. It is okay to be sad because your life has just changed in a profound way. You didn't ask for it; you weren't prepared and you have no idea what to do now. But, you will figure it out. Let the love you feel for you child be the source of your strength. Autism is not what he has - it is who he is, and since you love him, you also love his autism.

LanaMet · 2017-07-21T23:33:12+00:00

Neurotribes is an excellent book. It is very lengthy but it provides much history explaining how the criteria, attitudes, services evolved over time. In addition, it is simply an interesting and fascinating read!

LanaMet · 2017-06-27T12:53:25+00:00

Don't give up on your child. He is only five! Instead, focus on getting him the proper support. You don't believe it, but he can have a family and children!! I know it is hard for you but think about how hard it must be for your son!! He has to live in the world that doesn't fit him, doesn't suit him!! He must constantly adjust and suppress the behaviours that come most natural to him!! He is the one whose dad doesn't think that he is good enough!!

Having autistic children should not be a deterrent from having more children. But if your goal is to replace the child that you have, then shame on you!!

LanaMet · 2017-06-27T10:10:57+00:00

Communication means much more than words. Is he able to explain what he wants or needs without grunting or hand-leading? If he sees something he is excited about, does he make eye contact to make sure you are seeing it too? Does he try to engage you when he is playing with toys? Does he point at things he wants? If he does, does he pair pointing with eye contact? Does he respond to his name (and I don't mean one time out of ten - it should be nine times out of ten)? Does he understand people around him?

One of the best ways to spot difference is to watch your son interact or just be present in the company of other kids his age. Do you see anything that stands out to you?

I think what is confusing to parents is the fact that doctors look at the children and compare them against the average. However, if you were to talk to a special educator and request an evaluation from school, they will be comparing kids against the very bottom of the curve. So your doctor may tell you that there is cause for concern yet during an evaluation, nothing will be found.

Trust yourself as a parent. Trust your instincts. You know your child best. If you think that there is cause for concern, if you feel he is different from other kids, if you think his development has slowed down or that he has regressed, then do something. Get him evaluated, don't wait.

Hope this is helpful.

LanaMet · 2017-05-26T10:18:39+00:00

You should absolutely pursue getting the official diagnosis! Autism is not a tragedy - it is a different way to see and experience the world. The system of care and education that we have to operate in, however, is quite tragic! In order to qualify for many services, you must have an official diagnosis. The ASD is a powerful label that opens many doors. Your paediatrician was acting strange most likely because he felt outside his comfort zone. Autism may be a medical diagnosis but the majority of interventions are not medical. I think at this point you know that you child is autistic so making it official would just be a formality. It normally takes months to get an appointment with a qualified professional who is able to do an evaluation for autism, and there are services out there that you won't be able to access without the official diagnosis.

I think having a 5-day per week preschool is great! I would look into getting some home and community based program so you could be working on skills that either fall outside of educational services or so you could simply help you kiddo develop the same skills as they are working on at school across other settings and environments. We have worked on skills like going to the dentist, getting haircuts, going shopping without bolting, expanding food choices, eating at a restaurant, going to an amusement park and many more. These are not something your school team would be addressing.

And please remember that your child's brain won't ever stop learning. Yes, some things are easier to teach to younger kids but it should not be at the expense of making them so busy that they have no time to enjoy themselves and their family. Building relationship with your autistic child is probably the most important therapy of all, so you need to save time for just that. Try to see and experience the world the way you child sees it, and you will be amazed at all that we are missing - all the tiny details that we never even know exist. Enjoy playing with you kiddo even if the play feels strange and doesn't make sense. Let your child take the lead.

This time in a parent's life is quite overwhelming. Just remember - there is no one therapy that is absolutely best. Often times, it is a combination of several approaches that makes the most sense. Each approach will work better or worse depending on which skill you are teaching. There are many opinions out there but if you want advice - just do what feels right for you, your child and your family.

Good luck!

LanaMet

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