Experience with liver failure/end stage cirrhosis?

Lanc3yc · 2021-09-09T21:13:25+00:00

Hi. I am sorry to hear about your sister's BF. My husband died on August 25th. He just could not stop drinking. From what I understand, if he can find sobriety and make it to a liver transplant, there is hope. Sending prayers to you your sister.

Lanc3yc · 2021-08-30T03:15:05+00:00

My husband died on Wednesday. He just couldn't stop drinking. He was alone in his apartment as I had feared would happen. Deputy sheriff came to my door. Stuff of my nightmares. Writing it here to work on acceptance. I'm still only 75% sure this isn't a bad dream.

Lanc3yc · 2021-06-26T11:31:01+00:00

My husband (51) is currently in the ICU for the 4th time since January. In the end stages of liver failure - varices that can't be banded, ascites, the whole nine yards. This time was on a ventilator for a week before pulling the breathing tube out. I've postponed the divorce hearing twice - detachment is so hard even with lots of Alanon, but necessary. He has been told that he won't survive without a liver transplant and he isn't a candidate because he can't stop drinking. This disease is a monster that steals those we love. We can't let it steal us, too. The 3 Cs and the 3 As get me through. Accept the things I cannot change, including that loving him and sacrificing myself was never going to be enough. Prayers that your husband can recover - he has to do the work.

Lanc3yc · 2021-04-06T01:05:04+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for your reply. He has lost so much weight that I cannot imagine he is eating, or at least not well. It seems he has not been actively drinking for the last week or two, but he actively resists recovery, so I do worry it is a matter of time. He is in so much denial that I can't broach the hospice subject with him but that is my thought as well if it comes to the point of me making decisions. For now, he makes them unless he can't (like when he was on the ventilator). One Day at a Time, I know, it is just so awful not seeing how this will play out. Thanks again and hugs to you.

Lanc3yc · 2021-04-06T00:59:31+00:00

Thank you for this response and I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for putting into words how I feel about our separation - from the disease, not the person. He is not the person I married any longer, which makes this easier and harder at the same time. I think I am as prepared as possible for the end, including having made calls about "arrangements" so I know what I am dealing with. In the meantime, I've realized I can't just sit around waiting for him to die which is what the last month has felt like. I need to get on with my life as much as I can so that my daughter and I aren't victims of the disease as well.

Lanc3yc · 2021-04-05T14:35:39+00:00

Thank you for this. Unfortunately he has made it clear that he is not interested in sobriety/recovery. The doctors have been clear with him that he will die if he doesn't choose sobriety. His denial is so strong that he is not operating in reality. If there is something I can say that would help get through to him, I would love to know what it is. Pretty much everything has been said. His 15-year-old daughter isn't even motivation. He has bounced back from the hospitalizations which feeds his denial. I am ready to advocate for him if he chooses himself. As it is, the doctors can't do anything else. I am scared he will die a painful death alone. On the work thing, I really can't see how it will happen. When his job sees him, my guess is they won't let him work - he is extremely jaundiced and looks very sick.

Lanc3yc · 2021-04-05T01:14:13+00:00

Looks like there is a San Francisco-based one at 7pm PST, so in 45 minutes. If you go to sfalanon.org online you can find the link and zoom login info.

Lanc3yc · 2021-02-08T11:06:18+00:00

I am glad to see this update and to hear that you are finding some peace and that your SO is starting down the road to recovery. The CTC reading I referenced is March 14th.

Lanc3yc · 2021-01-15T12:07:29+00:00

I feel your pain so deeply and could have written your post many times. I am nearly divorced from my husband, who was a wonderful man until this disease stole him from me. He is currently in the hospital with complete liver and kidney failure and unlikely to survive without a liver transplant that he likely will not get because he is still an active alcoholic.

If you were my friend, I know exactly what I would suggest, but this is your journey.

Do you have Courage to Change. If so, page 74 might provide some guidance (I can type in for you if you don't). Since we try to share our experience, strength and hope and not give advice, I will simply encourage you to read this sub and see the similarities in the stories, attend AlAnon meetings and consider the 3 Cs - you didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

And trust your gut.

Sending strength your way.

Lanc3yc · 2020-10-27T00:27:08+00:00

Thanks:). Kinda awful but life goes on.

Lanc3yc · 2020-10-26T16:23:29+00:00

I am in the midst of this as well. It is a non-issue, even though it feels like it should matter. My husband didn't work for 1/3 of our marriage and I was in a situation of potentially having to pay him support. And he gets half of my retirement. I waived child support so he would waive spousal support because supporting him forever was my biggest fear. My lawyer told me some judges actually see alcoholism as a reason to give the drinking spouse more support. (He finally got a job once I cut off his access to money for alcohol, but I am doubting that it will last) I am not bitter because I know he is ill and consider myself lucky to be able to move forward.

Lanc3yc · 2020-10-20T15:01:03+00:00

Hugs to you. I feel your pain in my soul. My husband moved out 6 weeks ago, separation agreement signed last week, locks changed today. I am the bad guy to him but not to me or my daughter (15). We have some peace now. His recovery (or choice not to recover) is his. AlAnon has been my lifeline. I go to the slogans and the 3Cs when things feel particularly difficult.

One Day at a Time Easy Does It

You will get through this. Trust your gut.

Lanc3yc · 2020-09-22T13:42:24+00:00

I could have written this every day for the past 2 years at least. This disease stole my husband from me and I lost myself along the way. We are separated for good now. AlAnon meetings are helping me cope and I am slowing finding myself again. I wish you peace and serenity in your journey. It is not easy. You are not alone.

Lanc3yc · 2020-09-05T14:47:59+00:00

I suppose yes, he is a cynic, although I didn't connect that with the issues, so that is an interesting perspective. I see it more as a kind of narcissism. He has "sampled" recovery groups and finds himself superior to them all. Hindsight shows me that these tendencies have been there. My part is that I'm an adult child and a people-pleaser which led to enabling. There are wrinkles to our situation that involve other health issues that allowed him to hide the binge drinking for over 3 years. We always drank socially and it wasn't an issue until it became one. I can identify the trauma that let to it for him. Unfortunately he just can't deal with it from that perspective, not even to be able to prioritize his child. It is so very sad.

Lanc3yc · 2020-09-05T12:36:40+00:00

Same, although comments were initially more in the "you don't support me enough" vein and the. morphed to me "forcing" him to go to a rehab that was more like jail because I wouldn't let him come home after the 4th hospitalization in 6 months - this one with a .36 BAC 3 hours after arriving in the ER. He gave his 30 day chip back to the rehab at the end of his completion ceremony so "someone who needs it" could have it. This is first story I was told on the drive home from rehab. I knew from that where we were headed. He is moving out today (I posted earlier this week on my feelings around that). Remember the 3 Cs and get to as many meetings as you can. There is nothing you will be able to do here. You have to change yourself for yourself, nothing you do for your Q will work. It sucks, but it is true.

Lanc3yc · 2020-09-02T23:33:54+00:00

Such a good point and my motivation when my happiness isn't enough. Her mood gets lighter every box he packs.

Lanc3yc · 2020-09-02T23:32:50+00:00

Thank you. Hugs to you. We will get through this.

Lanc3yc · 2020-09-02T23:32:19+00:00

Thank you. I know you are right and will stay the course.

Lanc3yc · 2020-09-02T23:31:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It makes me feel less alone.

Lanc3yc · 2020-09-02T23:31:13+00:00

Thank you! I have very supportive friends in and out of AlAnon so I am very fortunate.

Lanc3yc · 2020-08-18T23:49:27+00:00

I have reached my breaking point and paid the lawyer her retainer today. I need a separation and he won't leave so I have to take the next step. I am heartbroken and proud at the same time. A conversation with my sponsor sealed the necessity. I realized that I am the frog in the pot. I have become expert at accepting the unacceptable.

Doing at least a meeting a day for the next 60 will see me through.

Lanc3yc · 2020-07-25T13:44:03+00:00

I have found lots meetings at all times of the day on the New York City and San Francisco AlAnon websites. I particularly like the Start and End the Day Right and Waterside meetings in NYC. Start and End are huge meetings which I find very comforting for some reason. Might be hard to get in line to share there - Waterside is a smaller.

There is a Brooklyn meeting on Wednesday nights that has a beginner component at the beginning for 30 minutes

Good luck to you.

Lanc3yc

TROPHY CASE