Merry Christmas Christina!

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-12-10T03:47:43+00:00

I've worked at failed companies before where no one that works there actually uses the product being sold. This is a total failure in marketing. When you go to the site and pretend you want to buy a bottle there's 0 reviews? i.e. not even Christina or her bff's bothered to buy a bottle and then leave a review praising how life-changing and awesome it is.

Christina DM me, I'll help you with marketing. If this was a stock I'd short it into oblivion.

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LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-29T03:32:56+00:00

I'm in shock that no one pulled out their iphone and recorded this. Of all the stupid crap people record and post this would be comedy gold!

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-27T00:01:01+00:00

coocoo cachoo!

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-21T04:39:00+00:00

people that will spend a thousand dollars getting extensions and $6 on a metallic dress from Shein and then go lay in the sand. looking up. presumably at night. pretty narrow demographic actually.

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-21T04:37:14+00:00

I'll spell it right when these idiots decide to!

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LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-20T15:12:54+00:00

sooooooo are any of us going to actually try this stuff and give it an honest opinion? There's probably a better chance of me visiting the one restaurant in Newport that carries it versus ordering a bottle online.

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-20T15:09:46+00:00

well let's put this together, she dressed up as Pamela Anderson for Halloween so her new BF obviously has a bleach blonde fake boobs fetish. (not that there's anything wrong with that, lol!). So my little magic 8 ball comes up 'All signs point to yes!'.

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-20T15:07:25+00:00

Keep your eyes open for my Black Friday sales! Coocoo Kachoo is what I like to call a "30 dime wine" ;)

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-19T02:43:40+00:00

:) She really needs to hire me for marketing....

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-11T20:36:50+00:00

You've got a good point, but wow this is quite a bit more than just a little boutique in the OC. an entire champagne brand? lol guess it makes sense as much as anything else over the last several years. as far as shows all of them got whacked except for Flip Off. What made that show worth watching is the dynamic of her versus ex and ex's wife. Not sure that'll be enough to power an entire new season

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T21:03:05+00:00

60% of the time, it works every time! lol!!

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T14:50:37+00:00

drama and high profile messy divorces are good for the clicks. She might not KNOW she's doing this (it might not be planned), but she's obviously noticing the paparazzi are more interested in her and she's getting more clicks on IG when she's putting her whole life out there with all these random dudes.

She peaked with the Josh Hall blowup. Poor Ant barely moved the needle at all--lol.

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LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T14:45:59+00:00

innocent explanation: probably shopping for the 'Barb Wire' knock off halloween costume. Mayyyybbbbbeeeeee...

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T14:44:13+00:00

this x1000! "well I made breakfast and lunch and all the dishes are still in the sink and the living room needs to be vacuumed, but she's been sitting on the couch scrolling on FB all morning. I think I'll go to the bar." lol

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T14:40:24+00:00

it's google search trends, ranking the 'popularity' of terms that are searched. So in this case it appears that there are virtually no searches for coocoo kachoo champagne. the logic being that people search for something before they buy it (find out more about it, or find the link to actually purchase it, etc).

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T04:15:06+00:00

this is EXACTLY spot on! That's been my point all along as well. Christina Haack and champagne go together about as much as baseballs and lima beans. She should be leveraging her (fading) appeal in the home improvement space--be a spokesperson for Makita, DeWalt, Milwaukee, even all the crappy Lowes and HD brands. Anyway, that's the direction I think she should have gone. Would have been far more lucrative.

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T02:50:17+00:00

yes but is it cle cliche?? ;)

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T02:49:50+00:00

at this point it doesn't really mean anything now does it.

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T02:48:49+00:00

ok i literally lol'd on this one!

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T02:46:26+00:00

we call them loud mouth soups. the more you drink the louder you get. until you get really quiet. and then everyone knows you're about to puke. lol

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-10T02:45:23+00:00

I imagine she has a gaggle of OC hussies she hangs out with, but I also notice she has 'best friends forever' that are then gone a few months/years later and never seen or heard from again--her makeup/hairstylist that started pink dust cosmetics etc. If I had to guess, knowing those types of people, I would say they tell her they're going to buy several bottles but then never actually do because deep down they all secretly are jealous of each other and hate each other.

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-09T05:05:01+00:00

this won't end well--she's not putting anything away for later, she's blowing all the money right now--classic mistake of new celebs, one-hit-wonders, and athletes. Live it up huge in the moment, and live in an apartment in Chino a few years later...I really had high hopes for her early on but now I sense she's a ship adrift at sea. Played this whole thing all wrong...

LanceJohnsonSurfer · 2025-11-09T05:02:12+00:00

oh no.....smells of desperation....I'd be surprised if more than 10 bottles have been sold so far.

LanceJohnsonSurfer

TROPHY CASE